Author Topic: Stuff people say  (Read 3714 times)

carrieset

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Stuff people say
« on: February 05, 2009, 01:06:16 AM »
This week I went to my 4th grief session regarding the death of my partner Laurence on Dec 24 08.

The person that heads that class is Laurence's friend, Sandra, of 17 years.  I always thought she was  psychologist, but after Laurence's funeral I found out she was  grievance counselor.

Anyway, it was my turn to speak within this class of about 6 of us; I believe I spoke about how I had talked to my X recently about how important it was for us to be on good terms and explained a little bit to him about the fragmentation of Laurence's family and with his kids.

Sandra, the counselor, Laurence's friend of 17 years, proceeded to tell everyone about "Boy, did he ever come from a dysfunctional family and repeated it again.  I did not like that; I thought it was very unprofessional of her to do so.  In my own grieving dysfunction at that moment, I wish I would have said "Most of us come from some sort of dysfunctional family or we create our own dysfunction". 

Have read many many posts about what people say.  I guess others only know after they have "walked a mile in someone's shoes".  A shoe that has a pebble in it that is still hurting.

Carrie

void

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2009, 03:10:26 AM »
Hi again Carrie,

Please allow me to repost the following two paragraphs, which I posted  a few days, under another topic:

On the way home I suddenly had a realization, which must have been realized by most people already, that how many other people in the supermarket were as miserable and lost as I was, while I walked from aisle to aisle, certain that I was the most unfortunate shopper, if not the only one?

On the other hand, when he and I shopped together (I call that “innocent days”), did I ever wonder or care, among all those shoppers there, how many of them were grieving and hurting so terribly?

I am trying to learn not to expect too much from others, and not to think I am the only one knows what pain is - very hard to achieve, I know.


I will think of you. Be good to yourself!

void

« Last Edit: February 22, 2009, 10:47:50 PM by void »

sevenofwands

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2009, 04:40:11 AM »
Void says:
On the other hand, when Ken and I shopped together (I call that “innocent days”), did I ever wonder or care, among all those shoppers there, how many of them were grieving and hurting so terribly?"

Yes, Void, that is so insightful, and it is the truth.  When all is well, or at least seems well, do we really think or empathise with the other shoppers in the supermarket, or the people in the bus queue, or all those lost in thought in the train carriage. 
Everyone, but everyone, has troubles, and like you, I do not expect too much from others.   

All the best
Seven

georgiapeaches

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2009, 06:10:36 AM »
We dont stop to realize that there are people out there going through there own personal hell, they just put on a brave face.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

sevenofwands

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2009, 06:41:14 AM »
Exactly, Georgia.  We really do not stop to think of others, we get wrapped up in our little world, and worse still, we think nothing like that should happen to us. 

All the best
Seven

Jap Jr

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2009, 09:07:17 AM »
Agree; we don't stop to think or wonder, but I sure do now; even sitting at a stop light and wonder where everyone is going in such a hurry; and never did we think it would "happen to us"; it does to other people. Now I am that "other people".

Jap Jr's - Kay

friedgen

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2009, 10:13:08 AM »
Jap Jr.

You are so right.  I never thought I could be a widow with two young children at 42.  Lose my husband on his motorcycle because some old lady wanted blueberries more than watching the road.   I hate being the "other people."  I just had someone call today for my husband after not quite 6 months.  God it hurts.  It doesn't seem to get easier.  People really don't get it until they have walked in your shoes.  Good luck to all on this journey.  I wish the best for everyone here. 

Friedgen

Siobhan61

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2009, 08:06:26 AM »
I agree with you that the counselor's behavior was unprofessional.  That is confidential stuff that should be kept confidential.

Maybe it is a bit early for you to be in a group grief session?  You have enough right now dealing with your own pain.  Maybe consider individual counseling sessions for now, where it's all about you, and re-enter a support group in a year or so (if you need it).

take care, Cheryl

sevenofwands

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2009, 08:14:43 AM »
I think Carrie said that her current financial situation does not permit her to go for counselling on a private basis. 

Yes, confidential information should be kept confidential, but then these matters were being spoken of in a group session of six people to begin with.

Life's difficulties are certainly magnified 1000% where there was a dysfunctional family in the background.

Seven

Siobhan61

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Re: Stuff people say
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2009, 07:19:12 AM »
Ok, yes, finances are an issue.  I was lucky to have a cancer support center near me that offered bereavement counseling for free.  But if you don't have such a resource, I'm sure the group will help.

take care, Cheryl