Dear Hurting,
I can only give my perspective from a mothers point of veiw,(sorry) when my husband died last april, we were all devastasted. Since then we have all been going through all the stages of greif, but I can tell you I have mostly been angry, and if my kids get in the way, they get it, and its over stupid things like their messy rooms, then afterwards the guilt is so overwelming, and I do apoligize. Thats why I have started seeing a therepist, so I can react allittle differently. I'm not saying thats whats going on with your mom, but I think she must be hurting bad, and with her up coming surgery, cleaning might be taking her mind off things, but then she hurts her shoulder and she takes it out on you guys ( just my thought) . Maybe just sit down and tell her how you feel before jumping to anything. Like I said I just know my situation , so yours might be totally different. Hope this helped.
Georgia.