Author Topic: right now....  (Read 5120 times)

Michelle C

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right now....
« on: February 09, 2009, 10:48:00 AM »
Right now... I am soooo sad. I want my life back.. It's not fair... I just dont understand why... I cant sleep... I dont want to go to work... all i do is cry... Im really no good to nobody right now... I hate my life... I wish i could have left with him... i feel bad for my kids... I feel like a stalker.. all if do is stare at his pictures.. write in my book... look at this site... I dont know where to go.. who to turn to... my helper is gone...wish i could go back and fix this...to love the hurt away... I have a mountain of pictures all over my room... I think I am going crazy...Praying for peace...

LLM

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Re: right now....
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2009, 10:57:38 AM »
I lost my boyfriend of 11 yrs about 6 weeks ago. I am so sad, so lonely. I miss him so much. The pain is just unbearable. I know how you feel. I never REALLY  knew the meaning of pain before my sweetie died. I, too, wish I could have gone with him. I really don't want to live without him. I'd give anything just to have a few more minutes with him.......anything.

Jap Jr

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Re: right now....
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2009, 11:04:05 AM »
michelle and LLM;

Ditto to everything you have said; can't stand it anymore
Jim, just come and get me ..........

Have grief group tonight - really need it now

Praying for all of us

Jap Jr's - Kay


carrieset

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Re: right now....
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2009, 01:33:56 PM »
I'm right where you are all at right now :'( :'( :'( :'(

I am missing Laurence terribly; I can't concentrate on my work; I go from anxiety to fear; back to trying to read grief books; back to this site; I AM SCARED!!

feeling all of your pain,

Carrie

carrieset

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Re: right now....
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2009, 01:36:52 PM »
Me again,

AND I have to go back to the dr. this week for blood pressure check, pap and blood draw AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE.  I still can't eat except Ensure and bananas and I don't feel good.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALONE!!!!

Carrie

friedgen

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Re: right now....
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2009, 02:45:23 PM »
Everything you said is exactly what I felt in the beginning and still go back to sometimes.  I have times where I want to be with my husband.   I was so used to and so happy doing everything with him.  Our adult time as a couple.  Now if I do go out,  I will be a third wheel and feel so awkward.  I feel so incomplete.  It is so hard to fight and hang on.  I also remember how much my husband loved me and my kids.  I know he would want me to watch our children grow up and experience their wonderful life moments.  The kids need us to go on somehow.  Tragedy has already claimed the youngest victims in our children.  We our the adults left that our children love and deserve to have.  They do not deserve any more tragedies in their young lives.  To everyone with kids, remember their love and the love of the one who is gone and the love our loved one had for our(their) children.  That is what keeps me focused on fighting, as well as the people here.  We all hopefully will find peace some day.


Friedgen

georgiapeaches

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Re: right now....
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2009, 04:36:22 PM »
Hi everyone,
I agree with Frie, you all sound as I did when I first came here, I know just how you feel. Please know you that are someone special in someones life, and you have to be here for them . Its your turn to take care of yourself now. Your loved one will ALWAYS be with you, and would want you to be happy and healthy. So do it for them and you. And for those who have children, Ditto to what Frie said, they need you, they cant take another tragedy in their little lives, so try to be strong for them. These are all the things I told myself everyday when I felt the same way you guys did, and all the help and support from everyone on this site getting me through each day. Be well.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Rainman

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Re: right now....
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2009, 05:30:52 PM »
This pain never stops.  It is in my bones.  I used to be a strong man, that rarely cried.  Now I am a babbling baby that sobs at glimpse of Patty's picture.

I spent some time today building a memorial website for Patty which included uploading pictures and memories.  It was cathartic but I bawled the entire time.  The main picture was taken only a year ago and she looked so happy and healthy.  Why, oh why, did she have to leave me?

All I can say is that I cherish the fact that I can come here and commiserate with my new "angel" friends.


Thank you
Ray


carrieset

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Re: right now....
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2009, 10:28:25 PM »
Ray:

It is so good to cry.  That's left me a little bit for awhile.  I think I did enough of it while Laurence was in hospice and cried all the way home and laid on the floor and wailed every night.  Now I am just left with no motivation or interest in anything.

It appears that you had such a wonderful love for your wife.  The why's we don't know, but it sure does cut to the core.  We would do anything to have that person back, healthy and whole.

Sure wish there was some kind of bandaid for the pain. 

Peace to you and all of us,

Carrie

carrieset

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Re: right now....
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2009, 10:44:18 PM »
Michelle:

Wish I could load a picture of Laurence but I have no clue how to do it.  If I could I would load the one where he is competing in a powerlifting meet in November of 2007;  he had regained his strength, weight was back to 250 and cancer free for 14 months; really never thought it would come back. 
When the man did something he did it with intensity and passion; sure wish I had some of his passion right now.

Now when I see the programs about watching your health, eating right, exercise, I am a little conflicted as I know someone who did exactly that, but somehow ended up with damn brain tumors??

My kids have lost alot of people in their young lives, so I know that even if I only have them for 2 weeks out of the month (X & I have shared custody), I know they need their mom functioning and need to see some hope on my face.  Yes, I would sure like to lay it down and not have to deal with this agony, but I keep telling myself I have to keep going for them.

I'm like you right now; I read grief books; read my bible; read scripturally based books; go to this site; calms me down, but cannot focus on anything else.  My business that I loved has no motivation for me now. 

Other than on this site, there are not many that really understand.

My heart goes out to you and everyone else going through this.

Carrie

kevinjj

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Re: right now....
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2009, 08:48:43 AM »
I'm so sorry for your loss and the lack of answers for your questions and need to understand. It seems to make it all the worse, not understanding and not being able to make any sense of it and the unfairness of it all. Ask your Doctor for a sleep aid and use it - the pain and sorrow is better managed and coped with when the body can get some rest.

sunshineme1

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Re: right now....
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2009, 09:14:26 AM »
I totally understand your feelings, I go to work but I cant wait to get home when I close the door I lock it and dont raise the blinds, I dont answer my phone expect to my daughter and sisters because if I dont they will be at my doorstep, but mostly I just want to be in the house alone and of course with our 2 cats because I know I still have some of him there. Hugs to you all
Debbie