Author Topic: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine  (Read 5334 times)

lainie

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 181
    • View Profile
    • www.beheartstrings.com
Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« on: February 07, 2009, 02:20:16 AM »
I haven't checked in here for about a year.  I miss you all.  I am still alone, Jan.2nd marked the two year  date since I last saw my beautiful daughter Brynn. I miss her so much.  I went back to work 14 months ago, but I am not any happier, I am just filling in time.  I try, but things just are not working out.  I am so alone.  Brynn and I were just the two of us for 11 of her 12 short years.  What do I do with my life now?  All I knew how to do was be a mom, and now I am no longer a mom, will never have a grandchild, etc.  It is just me.  I hate it.  I do not like my life.  Why do i have to be apart from my beauty?  How long will this last? I have lost so many "friends", I am very alone.
Elaine
My beautiful Brynn
Dec. 14/94 - Jan. 2/07

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1134
  • Tammie (My Precious Daughter) 8-9-65/9-14-05
    • View Profile
    • Project Tammie
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2009, 06:42:38 AM »
Hi,

I remember you. Sorry you are still struggling so much.

I sure understand. Tammie was my only child too, we were extremely close and my life is still very empty. I fill my time by staying busy. It doesn't make it better it just keeps me busy and each day passes.

I have met some wonderful friends from this board who have helped me understand that what ever we feel is OK. It is all part of grieving and missing our kids.

I also have very few people left in my life from before Tammie died. They just don't get it. Also I was a different person then.

I found my second year to be extremely hard. I am approaching 4 years now. But it is always with me , the empty feeling. As time passes it only becomes different.

Keep writing it helps too,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

Rebecca

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 831
    • View Profile
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2009, 07:23:35 AM »
It is good to hear from you.  I wish I could help with your feelings of loneliness.  I can tell you that there are times that I am in a room full of "friends" and am as alone as I could be so that having many people does not mean much.  The lonely feeling comes from losing a part of who we were.  In my opinion, life does change but these feelings get pushed down, deeper and deeper, because there is no rhym or reason to losing our children.  But, it happens all the time,and I am much more aware of seeing young people die.  It still does not answer the question... for there is none.  I hope that you come back, share you feelings and reconnect with us.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1219
    • View Profile
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2009, 08:33:42 AM »
((Elaine)) My heart goest out to all of us who have suffered the absolute worst type of loss EVER but even more so those who had only one child. Not that any child is irreplaceable but the need to parent is so strong, so instinctive, to lose your one & only has to be the hardest of all. Two people that I know (Dottie from this board) and another Mom from a bereavement group I attend stand in your shoes and both of them, like you are remarkably strong women. I stand in awe of all of you, knowing how close to the end I was myself with the blessings of other children and a husband, to persevere and make a difference. Dottie is my idol, from the get-go she has doggedly gone after the authorities to make Tammie's Law happen and she has and is going further with it. My other friend is volunteering her time to help adolescents who have lost a parent. She feels that she is helping youngsters while also getting something out of it for herself, emotionally. Each and every day that you get up you are honoring your child. In time maybe you will find something to do that will make you feel you are doing this for your child and it will help? I can only speak for myself as I too am in the second year and found it to be brutal.
The passage of time reminds me of what I lost and yearn for. There is no backsie's, wish with all my heart that there was, but I am trying because as another bereaved Mom Trudi told me, each day is a day closer to being with our child and she wants him to be very proud of her.
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

SARAH()

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 73
    • View Profile
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2009, 09:13:51 PM »
Elaine you are not alone, we are here.......

Trying to plan a life without your child in it is overwhelming.  I think two years out, I was still planning by the day.  I know I kept thinking over and over again, I should be better by now, It still shouldn't be this hard........but I think the reality of trying to live the rest of your life without your child hits.  I kept waiting to feel better.

take care of yourself, hold on.....xo sarah

Brenda Taylors Mom

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1378
  • I miss you so much my "big tough guy"
    • View Profile
    • http://www.taylor-lewis.memory-of.com
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2009, 11:31:31 PM »
((( Elaine))))  I'm so sad for you w/o your only daughter only child precious sweet beautiful Brynn.  My two are 14 years apart, my daughter April is 32 Taylor was 14 ( would have been 19 April 23rd :(  .. it was like i raised April then along came my little guy.. it was me and him for that 14 years together too, we made decisions together, he was my everything.. I know how lost you are, and I wish I could  help, just know that I care deeply with every word your heart pours out.. Love, Brenda

sj1211

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
    • View Profile
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2009, 07:24:22 AM »
Yesterday a friend of mine who lost her 22 year old son almost three years ago said something that made perfect sense to me. Parents who have lost a child live the rest of their lives with one foot on earth and one foot in heaven. Seems right to me. (((Elaine))) I'm so sorry. My loss was more recent, my youngest and only son on Nov. 14 th '08 in a car wreck. I wish I could offer some insight, but sadly I have none. I'll be thinking of you.

Jeanneb

  • Guest
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2009, 05:18:08 PM »
Elaine,

Good to see you post.

That second year seemed to be harder than the first for me.  The reality seemed to come flowing... this was my new life and frankly it sucked.

I hope you will come back and keep posting.  The support here can really help get us through.

Deep breaths and baby steps,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

MelissaCharliesMom

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 711
    • View Profile
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2009, 09:17:16 PM »
I remember you and your beautiful Brynn....youre never alone...we are all here. not the same, I know, but we all walk this road together and can understand your pain. I have no magic words to offer, just know I care.

Karen Paul

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1181
    • View Profile
    • Chris Bascom Memorial
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2009, 07:08:13 AM »
Elaine - welcome back - I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so alone.. though that is understandable because it was just you and your sweet girl for so long.. and grief is very lonely anyway I think, even when surrounded by people who love us and care.. I'm glad you have come back here to share.. please know that you and your beautiful Brynn are always on our minds.. and in our hearts.

hugs, Karen
chris' aunt


John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 617
  • Always Loving, Always Loved
    • View Profile
    • Danielle Marie's Memorial Website
Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« Reply #10 on: February 09, 2009, 09:37:35 AM »
Dearest (((((Elaine))))),
You will NEVER be alone; we all understand and care about you very much. I know none of this makes any sense and that you like your life is now “over”. You will ALWAYS and FOREVER be mom to your beautiful daughter Brynn…FOREVER!!! Brynn needs you here to carry on her loving memory and to let everyone know what a very special young girl she will always be.
I think of you and your beautiful daughter Brynn often as our precious daughters were the same age when they were taken from our loving arms. I tried several times to contact you over the past year; especially after Brynn’s “first angelversary” I know how very difficult each day is for you. I am sorry that I missed her second angelversary; I too was also very depressed that week on what would have been Danielle’s 14th birthday. Elaine, I am glad to see you posting again and PLEASE know that we will always be here for you.

Take Care my very sad friend,
Your Friend in Grief,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”