Author Topic: This wasn't supposed to happen.....  (Read 3383 times)

sevenofwands

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This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« on: February 06, 2009, 08:01:53 AM »
Hello to all:

The fact of the matter is that we have no control whatsoever over the future: accidents, incidents, events.  Problem is we think we have, or that we are somehow "entitled".

Thought this was interesting

http://www.expertclick.com/19-1074

“THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME!”
It’s hard to know what to do when such events overwhelm you, change the plans you had for your future, wreak havoc with your emotions, and challenge your whole notion of meaning and fairness.

"....points out that no matter how helpless people feel when they are reeling from pain and confusion after being hit by the “unexpected and unthinkable,” they retain one very important kind of power: the power of choice. In fact, when tragedy strikes, people find themselves with 10 major choices, each supported over time by hundreds of tiny daily decisions. The choices they make either move them along the destructive road toward more emotional pain, spiritual unrest, and physical illness - or take them on the journey to greater strength, resilience, health, and peace. Dr. Smallwood provides the roadmap people need to implement the 10 choices, showing them how to take one step at a time on the pathways to recovery. Through the power of choice, they’ll be able to move:


friedgen

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2009, 08:21:23 AM »
Thank you so much for your reply to my post and those insightful words.  I am trying to get control.  Maybe after the sentencing I will find more peace and control.  I am trying a deep tissue massage today.  Someone here suggested massage so I thought I would give it a try.  Thank you for letting me vent.  It helps to keep me sane.


Friedgen

sevenofwands

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2009, 10:00:09 AM »
Hello Friedgen:

You are really more staunch than you think, Friedgen.  It is a terrible time for you, with so much whirling through your head, so much happening.  Very hard to concentrate, to damp down the "whirling", and to get a minute's peace.  Sounds good, the idea of the massage.  Nice and relaxing.

Take care
Seven

Jap Jr

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2009, 10:09:17 AM »
seven;

did you post that just for me? of course not, but it sure hit home.

I am trying desperately to get some kind of "control", but this rollercoaster just keeps moving faster and faster and I can't get off (I never did like rollercoasters anyway, always made my tummy churn!). The waves are large white caps; the pain and loss of our future; it has been 2 months, 3 weeks tomorrow and I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel yet; HEARD from many who have months and years behind them, that is does get easier, never goes away, but just gets easier - I just can't find that peace right now.

My choices are not there to be made yet; it just hurts and I miss Jim and US.

You have good posts; thanks

sevenofwands

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2009, 10:37:32 AM »
Hello Jap:

It is a hard hard time for you, and it is very early days yet. Tiredness, fatigue, and stress are very hard on the mind.  Do try somehow to get some rest for yourself, so that your physical health does not get rundown.  Peace will come in due course, it will.  At times like this the mind plays awful tricks on us; and is a bit like a runaway horse...you can't jump off, and it is equally frightful being on. 

We have no idea what the future will bring; no idea of what tomorrow will bring, never mind next month or next year.  One thing is certain: there will always be surprises, some pleasant, some not so.
Take care
Seven


Jap Jr

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2009, 11:15:03 AM »
seven;

My mind has been playing alot of tricks; try and talk myself out of several things, but doesn't always work; have a hard time remembering stuff. It's the financial worries along with missing Jim so much; they are 2 bombs, fighting for attention to go off.

Thought I had gone through emotions earlier, but nothing like it is now. I am so edgy and that's not me; scarry.

Am really trying to keep my health up, as I don't want to get sick, nor can I afford to. Those words come back at me, as I used to tell Jim he should try to eat and drink lots of fluids, when he was taking radiationa and chemo; they both knocked him down; he dehydrated from the radiation and ended up in the hospital for a week.

Back to doing an hour at a time these days.

thanks to everyone who posts here.


sevenofwands

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Re: This wasn't supposed to happen.....
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2009, 01:21:39 PM »
It is hard not to worry, Kay, and we are living in financially difficult times, where for many people the ground is shifting under their feet.  Nonetheless, anxiety (worries) have the adverse effect of locking out the positive stuff which is trying to get in.  Ideas, maybe even something positive and inventive, there in your subconscious, cannot get past that "shield" which the all-encompassing worry has flung up. 

You are tired, even exhausted, and therefore edgy.  Tiredness does that, even in the best of circumstances.  Sheer tiredness is also the cause of the forgetfulness.  The mind in this situation is like an engine being revved up without a pause, it gets overheated, and can indeed seize up.  Addressing the exhaustion is important, to give the mind a chance. 

Take care
Seven