Hi all,
HOW DO PEOPLE GET OVER AND THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE?
I lost my beloved husband of 33 yrs last October, to sudden cardiac death, no symptoms. He died in my arms while I preformed CPR. He had finished plowing our potato garden for next spring's planting. Our 4 grown children and I are still reeling, still shocked. He was such a good man, so loved by so many people. A man who loved God and Jesus in his humble way. It was true love for us.
Not only did I lose him, but my income dropped from $70,000 to $15,000. I had just retired from public school teaching, 25 yrs, early. So, now I face financial problems as well. I can't go back to work in Maine, due to the early retirement penalty, at least not back teaching. I am not trained in anything else. I called the state, and there are no waivers. I don't know if I could work anyway. I am a mess. I can hardly drive, as I am now experiencing panic attacks, something I had had in my early 2o's,and thought over with. I am living with my children, moving all over the country. Though we love each other, they don't have room for me. I lived in my 5 yr old grandson's room for 6 wks, and couldn't take the lack of privacy anymore. I am now at another son's house, where I have a bedroom, but I have to follow his rules. Kind of hard, after having my own home for 33 yrs. I am moving back to my home, a lovely, small ranch in Maine, but hard to live on alone. It is remote, and we had recently moved there, so I don't know many people. It was perfect for us, and our animals. I had to give all my animals away too, very hard. But I am going to try it on my own. I think of all the widows on their own, and think I must be able to do this too.
I am also very tired lately. I have no ambition. I have a small retirement to live on, but will have to work when I go back home, which should be good for me, but worried about driving. I guess I could try working at Walmart, but the idea of an interview, at 57, destroys my day.
I just don't understand how other widows do this.
Are there any widows out there, who live alone? Any on farms alone? I would love to hear how they survived,
Amy