Loss of my older brother.

[Hallowt]

My brother passed away on October 17, 2008.  He was only 44 years old! He has two beautiful daughters, who he was suppose to walk down the aisle.

He also had played Santa for many, many years!  He was suppose to be there to play Santa, when his daughters have kids.

There was a lot of unsaid, and undone things between us.  Our father had passed away in March of 2007, and my brother never got over it.  He never got involved in the estate, and my Uncle and I had been handling most of it.

I keep think there is something, I could have said, or even done......to prevent this tragedy.  

[georgiapeaches]

Dear Hallow,
So sorry for the loss of your dear brother. I'm sure you must have so many questions and no answers, thats what makes this so hard. You may need to see a therepist for this, it is always so hard when someone takes there own life, we cant understand when people die just from natural causes, but when they take there own life we do need to get help for ourselves, just maybe for some kind or peace of mind.

I do hope that this helps you alittle, and please come back and tell us alittle more about your brother and his family. Your in my prayers.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Hallowt;
     I am truly sorry for the loss of your brother. I am just plain sorry. I agree with Georgia, grief support can be so effective. There has been a lot of progress in the mental health fields that suicide and severe feelings like this can be relentless in some people. They certainly would not want to leave their loved ones in so much pain. I don't think there is anything you could have done differently, that is just expecting that maybe you could have controlled the uncontrollable, the unbearable decisions your brother made. I am so sorry you are missing him so much. It must be so hard. Prayers go out to you and your family. Terri

[laurenE]

Hallow,

I am so sorry.  Please dont take the blame for your brothers death.  If he had wanted someone to stop him,  he would have reached out for help.   But it sounds like his grief turned to depression and he took his own life when the depression got  too severe.   That is so tragic.  I am so sorry.

Please learn from this situation.  That depression is treatable.  That when a person is exposed to prolonged stress,   the seretonin level in their brain depletes to the point of being in a good mood is impossible without the temporary help of medication.   Please know this so that you wont go down this same walk.    Grief can turn to clinical depression after awhile,  b/c like i said,  prolonged exposure to stress.  Know yourself, so that when you cant motivate yourself, enjoy things,  sleep or sleep too much ,etc.  that you will reach out for help.

I hope you find comfort here.   Also, Tom has written books and articles on male grief that you may want to check out on this websight.

[Hallowt]

I will post some pictures of my brother.... 

Thanks to everyone for your support....

 

[Hallowt]

This is my brother in 2003.......some very happy memories....

[georgiapeaches]

Thats a very nice picture, thank you for sharing it. I'm glad you came back.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Love the photo! He looks like a cool guy, and I bet you guys enjoyed that car. Keep the good memories going as best you can. Terri

[rita-grammy]

Hallow...
My daughter commited suicide in July 2007...a death from suicide is like no other ... the pain of trying to understand ...the blaming yourself... the whys...therephy is the only way you can come to terms with it...I have gone through days of staying in bed all day asking why...maybe we can help each other through this.....

rita-grammy

[Hallowt]

I too keep asking myself why?  I keep asking, what could I have done different?  I keep blaming myself.....you know, the 'what if I would have done this, or that'....

Another thing that troubles me is, he cheated death so many time!!

When he was younger, he was an auto accident, and was dead for two minutes.  The paramedic brought him back to life.  Another tip he flipped the car while racing at Grundy County.

The most breath taking was when the throttle got stuck in the car, and he climbed the wall, rode on the wall, hit the score board and went over the wall.

He was protected and given so many chances by the 'powers above'.  I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone, so that is why I say powers above.  Hopefully I don't offend anyone by speaking in general terms.  Sorry if I did...

Here is him going over the wall that day

[Luvinmike]

So sorry for your loss Hallowt. Why don't you tell us about yourself? What do you do? Do you race cars too? Do you have extended family? Write in if you feel like it. Terri

[Hallowt]

Nope, racing cars was my brother's thing.....

I am more of a computer geek.....

I sell on eBay and bonanzle........

I also work at a University and I am in charge of the data entry.  I aslo assist the business solution center in helping parents who are divorcing schedule their parenting class.

For our racing team, I was the 'numbers' guy.  I use to keep track of all my brother's numbers...........and stats.

[Hallowt]

Hi everyone, just stopping by to say hi.  I am really down today.

I miss my brother so much.  I was thinking about how we use to go out for breakfast, when we use to work together.

I miss him emailing me, and I miss seeing him race.

 

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Hallow,
Its alomost a year my husband is gone, and I have been ok but last night was pretty hard for me so I know how you feel, this is like a roller coaster, some days are good and some days are just terrible.I miss telling my husband when I have good news , he was the first person I would run to and tell. now theres noone. My son has been so sick because he misses his father so much. I guess all we can do is be here for eachother, my heart goes out to you, and my prayers.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Georgia, so well said- how it is to live with our losses.
Hallowt- I feel the same way- it is just the little things that made our time together so precious. I miss my husband and wish we could just watch a movie together, or laugh about our crazy life with our three kids.
I am thinking of you both and so understanding. Peace to us all in the days ahead.
Georgia it seems heading into this one year is very painful for us and our kids, it is like reliving all those "last" moments.
And Hallowt we lost a significant member of our family to an unexpected tragic suicide over twenty years ago. We still have deep sadness, but accepting that we do not understand has helped my family heal. I'm sorry your brother is not with you for races and breakfasts, but your good memories will eventually sustain you. Sending you strength and friendship in these hard times. Terri