Author Topic: My Precious Sister  (Read 6606 times)

ladybug1984

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My Precious Sister
« on: January 27, 2009, 10:25:02 PM »
One week ago, I lost my older sister Jacquelyn Marie.  She was just 37 years old.  She was diagnosed with Leukemia at a year old, and beat it with chemotherapy and radiation treatment.  At age 13, she was in a terrible car accident that severed her right arm from her body.  She recovered and maintained partial use of the re-attached limb.  From a blood transfusion received during the accident in the 1980s, she contracted Hepatitis C and has been living with it ever since. 

Last week Tuesday, my precious sister was taken away from me because of pneumonia that turned in to Meningitis.  I can't do anything without thinking of her and bursting into tears and yearning to see her face and give her a hug.  I can't imagine my life without her.  I cannot imagine being happy without ever seeing her again.  I'm so angry at myself that I didn't just randomly pop in to her house to check on her, or that I haven't been spending as much time with her due to a recent promotion at work.  I don't think the guiltiness will ever go away for the rest of my life.

She had been helping me plan my upcoming wedding that was scheduled for August.  She was so excited, she helped me pick out almost everything.  She was like a second mother to me because of our 13 year age difference.

My sister fought for her life and was the bravest person I know.  I just refuse to accept that she couldn't make it through this...she lived through so many worse things.  Why didn't I check on her?

I returned to work yesterday.  I would be knee deep in a spreadsheet, and then randomly think "I wonder what Jackie is doing for dinner tonight."  I'd immediately realize that she's no longer here and burst into tears.

Jackie was very talented at hand making jewelry, in spite of her disability.  My favorite piece was a glass ladybug bracelet she made me.  The night before her funeral at about 2am, I was looking up Meningitis on the internet and a ladybug landed on my hand.  I put it on the window ledge.  I told my parents the story the next day.  Two days later, at church, my dad nudged me really hard and nodded his head at the pew in front of us, and a ladybug was crawling across the top.  I've never been a really religious person like my sister was, but I believe it was her or controlled by her.

When will I accept what has happened?  Is this normal?  It's almost as if I forget what has happened.  I do this at least five times a day.  I feel so foolish and lost.  I can only sleep for about 3 hours at a time.  In my heart, I know she's gone...but it seems that my mind keeps playing tricks on me.  Could I be doing this because of lack of sleep?

I'm going to miss her so much.  My life will never be the same without her.

My Darling Sister....I will never meet anyone in my entire life as strong and brave as you. I will regret the rest of my life never telling you that.

laurenE

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2009, 05:48:27 AM »
Dear ladybug,

I am so sorry for your loss.   Your sister sounds like she was so brave and so beautiful inside.   You are so lucky to have had her.    Its hard to understand why such beautiful people are taken from us,  even harder why they had to suffer.   

I pray that we can be a source of comfort and strenght to you as you go through this time of sorrow and grief.

I hope your wedding will be beautiful.   

Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.

lauren

Jeanneb

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2009, 08:06:00 AM »
Dear Ladybug,

I am very sorry for the loss of your sister.  She certainly sounds like a wonderful person and a good sister.  I know that you miss her terribly.

You are very early on this journey and all the things  you are feeling are so very normal.  Be patient and kind with yourself and let yourself feel whatever comes your way. 

I just love the story you have shared about the ladybug and I truly believe this is your sign and her way to let you know that she is with you.  Take comfort in these signs and keep your eyes open... I imagine there is much more to come.   I have had similar experiences but with dragonflies... so many wonderful things have happened and they give me such comfort.

I lost a brother 12 years ago and my youngest son 5 years ago... the dragonflies are from my son yet I also have had signs from my brother in regards to a particular flower.  The flower which appeared in my rose bed was a water lilly which I never planted and didn't show up until the day of my brother's funeral.  I still have them in the bed and they seem to always bloom when I'm really low and missing him more than usual.

For me, I treasure these signs and find great comfort from them.... I hope you do too.

Please keep coming and posting... this road we travel is full of hills and valleys and there are many here who truly understand and know how you feel.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

Luvinmike

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2009, 08:11:30 PM »
Dear Ladybug1984;
I also loved your ladybug story. I will pray for you to find peace in your heart that you did not have the ability to guess how sick your sister might get, or that she would die after all she had survived. What a brave and talented soul she sounds like.
All of your feelings are very normal for grief, I still do some stuff like that at eight months but not nearly like it was. I lost my husband and in the early weeks I was completely out of sorts- you do need sleep. Water, walking, journal, eat right, exercise. Keep healthy as your beloved sister would want. Write again, Terri

ladybug1984

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2009, 12:30:20 AM »
Thank you luvinmike, jeanneb, and laurene for your comments. I'm taking each day at a time. I'm still very tired and not sleeping very well. I'm having thoughts about maybe going to the doctor. I'm not sure what it will do but I'm almost falling asleep behind the wheel, while eating meals, etc.

I am a manager at a movie theatre, and Jackie and I would always watch movies on my days off.  The Wednesday after my brother found her, we were supposed to go see Underworld...she loved the Underworld movies, even though I wasn't too fond of them.  But, it was her turn to pick.  It just ruins me to have to walk past that auditorium with Underworld in it almost 15 times a day.  I think I will do much better once it leaves theatres, because it's a constant reminder.

I hope that you are all doing well and once again thank you for the comments and support.

My Darling Sister....I will never meet anyone in my entire life as strong and brave as you. I will regret the rest of my life never telling you that.

Luvinmike

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2009, 09:21:42 PM »
ladybug- good photo. Regarding the note under the picture-Isn't that the good thing about sisters, they always know whether you tell them or not. They know how you feel. I'm sorry you are missing your lovely sister. Terri

tammyduc7

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2009, 03:11:57 AM »
Hi.I am so sorry for your loss.I had a similar experience after the loss of a dear friend.I was crying and writing a story about her on the computer.All that day and for weeks , I had been looking for a greeting card she had sent me in which she had encouraged me during a rough period in my life and reminded me to have faith . I was alone in the house and when I got up from the computer, I found the card right in the middle of the floor.I knew it hadn't been there before because I had just cleaned the whole house. I have had so many experiences that have reassured me that our loved ones live on in spirit but I can't discuss them here since I would be thought to be crazy.Blessings and comfort to you .

Luvinmike

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2009, 05:56:24 AM »
Sorry to hear about your friend tammyduc7, glad you posted. I liked that story. Terri

trying2heal

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2009, 09:21:19 AM »
Your sister sounds like an angel! I'm sure she is an angel now watching over you every day. I share a very similar story as I lost my sister too only a few months ago. I mis her so very much. I have gone to dial her to see what she is doing since we spoke evryday. I still call her cell phone just to hear her voice. I cry and then have to get back to 'life' - I'm just thankful I had my sister in my life the short time she was here. She was 48 and died of complications of Von Recklinghausens Disease. She fought too, just ike your sister and worked up until the very last day of her life so she could support her family. We were both truly blessed. Thank you for your story.   

angelcakes

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2009, 02:02:34 PM »
im new to this and cou ldnt really  figure it out  to we\ll
 my    sister  died   july  8   of  08 ,  i feel so lonely   and feel  i have  lost my  best friend

Luvinmike

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Re: My Precious Sister
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2009, 02:12:07 PM »
Hi Angel, so sorry about your sister. You have found a good site to share in your grief. You can post and reply like you did on any of the boards. Just ask any questions you have. We are all here supporting one another in good times and bad. Welcome... Sorry for your loss. Terri