Author Topic: My husband is gone  (Read 6803 times)

zzagkema

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My husband is gone
« on: January 27, 2009, 12:25:20 AM »
Hello. My name is Jaimee. On the night of my birthday, the 17th of Jan 2009 which is also my father in laws birthday, my husband was killed.

No one seems to know quite how but a work friend of my father in law broke his neck and he was killed instantly.

My husbamd, Gary and I have two children. Theyre boys aged 5 and 7 and both boys have multile severe disabilities, which has made life very difficult lately when trying to explain to them their daddy isnt coming home.

I had left my birthdya party only five minutes when this incident happened. The "what ifs" are driving me crazy. The media have been horrid to us. My head is jsut everywhere.

Im so glad I found this place, where I can share some of my grief with people who arent so "close" if you know what I mean.

void

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2009, 01:37:09 AM »
Hi Jaimee,

It is absolutely horrible what happened to you and your family. I canít even begin to imagine how devastated you must be feeling right now.

Please take a few minutes reading the practical and supportive postings here, many of them are from experienced members. They definitely saved me when I was in need of help, I am a newbie here too.

I will be praying for you.

void

Luvinmike

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2009, 04:31:30 AM »
Dear Jaimee, so sorry. I hope you will be able to trust a friend or family member to talk with through this. It seems impossible but you must care for yourself as your #1 priority. It is the only way to have strength for your children. At eight months after my husband died, I still take lots of breaks. It is going to be challenging- but maybe pick a time each day that is ,"Quiet time." So at least the stampeding thoughts in your head can start to settle down. This will take time. You will do it though. You will make it through each day somehow. And remember that we are all here rooting for you. Please take good care of yourself, Terri
Prayers for your loved one to rest in peace.

zzagkema

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2009, 04:46:08 AM »
Thanks for the replies.

Garys viewing is tomorrow. Ive had two sleeping pills and still cant sleep. (im from australia - this was the only decent site I could find, so there is a bit of a time difference) The viewing is going to be difficult as he has many wounds from his autopsy. The funeral director warned me today that all his fingers have been cut lengthways to examine his tendons. *sigh* his body has been through so much. We arent even getting his brain or spinal cord back for the funeral.

His funeral will be on thursday. I jsut dont know how I am going to get through it. I know I will, but the idea right now makes me feel ill to the pit of my stomach.

I suppose its just one more day we have nearly got through....

omanilady

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2009, 05:23:12 AM »
Hello Jaimee - I am so so sorry to hear of your husband Gary's death, you have a traumatic time ahead of you with the viewing of his body - I truly hope you have lots of loving support around you.  This is a fabulous site, so many people struggling to come to terms with the loss of their husband/wife/partner/etc - but what a wonderful place for people to come for comfort , without judgement.

I am only new here, and found this site by chance - as I have been asked to speak at a seminar on 'dealing with grief' and was searching the internet and stumbled across this site, I started to read some of the postings and it just bought back so many sad memories, I relate so well to the emotions many are currently experiencing.  I just wish I had the time to be more available, work comitments are limiting my time here - how I would love to help you all in some way!

It has been many years for me since my husband died so hopefully I can offer you,  along with everyone else support and encouragement in letting you know that you do survive this, it is difficult, but you grow and you will be amazed at your own strength.

In the meantime, you have a great loss with much trauma and a lot to cope with at home with your children. This is a loving, understanding place to come to where you will always receive support. Prayers are with you, at this really difficult time. So sorry your birthday was such a tragic event.
Omanilady

georgiapeaches

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2009, 05:57:13 AM »
Hi Jaimee,
so so sorry for your loss. So sorry that you have to go through this. Just know your not alone and will always have support here.

georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Jap Jr

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2009, 09:26:52 AM »
Jamie;
I am so sorry for your loss; I came upon this site and am so thankful I did. I, too am new to it; it's only been 2 short months for me that I lost Jim. The people here, even tho' we don't ever "see" anyone face-to-face, have been so helpful; especially the ones who have been around longer. I do go to a grief group, which helps for the time I am there; it's the contact of knowing others are going through the same thing and they can understand my ups and downs and my emotions. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your children and your family.

Jap Jr's - Kay

Jap Jr

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2009, 09:39:03 AM »
Jaimee; sorry for the misspelling of your name (my niece spells hers like that); I was so touched by your post; it brought tears to my eyes; I had my grief group last night and I could do nothing but cry; I have felt like the 1st two weeks are back again. Just know that you are not alone; that is what is getting me through for now.

Rainman

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2009, 10:19:42 AM »
Jaimee,

I am one of the "newbies" here.  I lost my wife only 32 days ago.  Please keep coming back here, you will find comfort from ones that know what you are going through.  At my lowest points during the day, I come here and read the sympathetic and empathetic postings from all of these wonderful people.  I have come to refer to them as my "angels".

Don't despair or give up hope, we are here for you.

Ray

mousewife

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2009, 11:24:03 AM »
My heart is broken for you.  Please know that many people pray for you when you post to this site.  It helps to know that there are people who know what it feels like to go through loss.  And, I do know what you mean when you say it is easier to talk to people you don't know.  I am sorry you have to go through this trauma and pain, but I will be praying for you.
mousewife

zzagkema

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2009, 02:59:22 PM »
Its nice to meet you all and sad that we have to.

its now the morning of teh viewing. Im in the lounge and the boys are playing a game on the floor in front of me.

My dr has me on tranquilisers right now so I cna sleep at night. I am thinking it might to take one to get me through the viewing.

About two weeks before Gary died we were discussing his birthday (he was born on valentines day - his sister shares his birthday) and he was grumpy telling me hed been asking for a gold bracelet for three years and he didnt want anything else...lol. Well when he died I decided that as impractical as it is I couldnt let him go without one. It is being placed on his wrist this afternoon for the viewing and afterwards will be taken off and made into two small ones for the kids. I know he would have liked it.

The funeral director visited me yesterday. It was the first time I had heard from him since the day I asked him to arrange the funeral.....it had been 7 days....I was really angry that he had basically left me to do it all on my own....funnily enough at 29, I havent planned many funerals...*sigh*....anyway the director warned me that Gary has cuts all down his arms and fingers which will be visible because his bracelet will be on display. The coroner had to examine his tendons to ensure that Gary didnt start the fight and help our assertion that he was killed without provocation.

GodIve screamed at the kids so many times already this morning. Im just so fed up. I hate that one stupid drunk man has gone back to his life, his job, his wife, his kids.....and im left to tell my two children who have limited understanding even for kids that their dad is dead.

Ok. I have to go and take the kids outfor a while to fill in the dya before the viewing. I might be back later.

Jap Jr

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2009, 03:09:42 PM »
I will be praying for you and your children. We are all here for you. That is such a wonderful idea with the bracelet. Take some deep breaths, hug your children and know that we are all thinking of you. I hope you have people to talk to and support you through the time ahead. Please do come back later.

carrieset

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2009, 04:15:35 PM »
Zzagkema:   I understand about the anxiety about going to the viewing.  Laurence didn't have a viewing, but a memorial service.  They had a large screen with photos of him through his life and had his music playing at the same time (he was a recording artist).  I made a lake in that church.  The tears were continual all through it.  Initially I said I wasn't going because I just felt like I couldn't handle it, but on the morning of the memorial I got up and knew I needed to go.  I am glad I did. 

I hope you have some comfort today in this very painful and said journey.

Blessings to you, Carrie

Michelle C

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2009, 05:34:45 PM »
Sorry to hear about ur loss... I too lost my honey this year 01/06/09...and so far this site has been my only source of hope... (other than God) It's a terrible way to meet ppl but its nice to know that someone relates to my pain... It's to soon for me to really prep u when I am still going through the down side myself but just know that u will be in the prayers and thoughts... Be strong sis

carrieset

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Re: My husband is gone
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2009, 11:16:53 PM »
Jaimee:  I am so sorry about your precious loss.  I am pretty new at this, too.  Lost my love Laurence on Dec. 24 08.  It it is a pretty raw and painful experience.  The shock of it is almost unbearable.  I have 2 children also.  One of my children is autistic.  So my heart goes out to you.  That is a challenge in itself.  I hope you have family and alot of friends close to you to help you through this.  I don't have any family near me, just a few close friends.  Get to a grief support group.  It does help and keep talking here with others.  It makes you feel not so alone and everyone understands what you are going through as we are all making our way through this painful journey.

I understand dates that are painful, especially since this happened on your birthday.  I met Laurence on March 24, 2005 he had the first brain tumor surgery 1 year & 1 month later on April 24, 2006  and he died on December 24, 2008.  I guess I won't ever forget any of those dates.
It was absolutely the worst Christmas I have ever had.  Only lit the tree once just for the kids.

Peace I hope for all of us,

Carrie