I realize everyone grieves in their own way, but some people just seem to be so cruel. We are in such an emotional state and pain, can barely think to the next moment, and they "want things" immediately. I have not been able to go through much of Jim's; there were some items that were his mothers and family, that I gave back to the kids; I didn't know her, was just going to meet her this spring, so I felt they should have those things back, even his war medal; he had a couple and had given one to his grandson already. I did get the flag presented to me at the funeral; I can hardly stand to hear taps played anywhere, and the 21-gun salute makes me jump. The last time it did that to me, was at my Dad's funeral 5 years ago; I lost both parents 11 months apart 5 & 6 years ago and a brother 19 years ago.
I woke up today, and told myself that I will think only happy thoughts about Jim, nothing sad, but it still took all I could to get out of bed; I cried and wanted to crawl back under the covers. I think I am doing OK, and them BOOM! it hits like a ton of bricks and I am back to that vicious pain as if it was the day he died.
The last week or so, I have a fear of something happening to my loved ones, brothers or sisters or close friends. It takes my breath away. I haven't seen anything on this feeling. Yesterday, a close friend here at work just had a biopsy for possible breast cancer, and it scared me, I cried for her.
I, like a few others, found this site by accident looking for something else, but I am so thankful I did; talking face-to-face is better, but the help, wisdom, prayers and mutual love I have gotten from my short time in here, has kept me going. It's not a site anyone wants to be on, but at least we know we have each other to help us through.
The weekends are so long; we loved them and the time always went so fast. There are well-meaing family and friends, but they just don't understand I need to go at my own pace; I don't want them to give up on me if I say, No I can't today - they go on day to day, as if nothing happened; I can't do that. Something terrible did happen to us.
Ray, that was terrible, I can understand your feelings; I surely would hope they took other things of their mothers that meant more to them, if not, that is very sad. I realize those things can be replaced, but it is the "trust" issue. We have 2 cars in storage and one is in Jim's name, so his children will be coming to get that when spring is here; it can't be driven in the winter. Again, it is a car, but it was a major part of our life together of what we did with the car club; I do not look forward to the day it will be driven away. It will be a big piece of Jim being taken from me again.
kevinjj - you are so right, there is nothing worse than seeing your loved one like you described; nothing.