Author Topic: my sister  (Read 6080 times)

Zoe fat cat

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my sister
« on: January 17, 2009, 07:28:15 PM »
 MY SISTER KATHY DIED MAY 9, 2006 IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE  SHE WAS ONLY 48 YEARS OLD SHE DIED OF ENDOMETRIAL CANCER I REMEMBER CHRISTMAS 2005 SHE CAME  TO MY OTHER SISTER'S HOUSE KATHY HUG  ME VERY  DIFFERENT AND AFTER WE WERE DONE HUGGING I LOOKED AT HER AND SAID WHAT'S WRONG  DO YOU HAVE SOME HORRIBLE DISEASE AND ARE YOU GOING TO DIE LITTLE DID I KNOW MY SISTER WOULD BE GONE IN MAY  THAT WAS MY LAST CHRISTMAS WITH HER  IT WAS HER LAST BIRTHDAY DECEMBER 31 IT STARTED WITH PAIN THAT NEVER WENT AWAY   BY THE TIME THEY FOUND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG  THE ONCOLOGIST LOOKED AT HER IN THE EYES AND SAID THE CANCER HAS SPREAD TO YOUR LIVER AND YOUR  LUNGS  IF CHEMO DOESN'T WORK YOU HAVE THREE WEEKS TO LIVE SHE DIED SIX DAYS LATER. BOY DID I LOVE MY SISTER KATHY WE  GREW UP IN A VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY   OUR FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND KATHY WAS SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN I  WAS SHE BECAME THE PROTECTOR  MY SECURITY WE WENT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER  FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER WAS TOO BUSY YELLING AT MY FATHER SO  KATHY NOT ONLY WAS MY SISTER SHE BECAME MY MOTHER AND  AS I GOT OLDER MY BEST FRIEND WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED HER  SHE LISTENED TO ALL MY TROUBLES SHE NEVER JUDGED ME SHE JUST  LOVED ME MY GRANDMOTHER DIED IN 1985  FATHER DIED IN 1996 MY MOTHER DIED IN 2000 AND MY SISTER DIED IN 2006 NOW I HAVE ANOTHER SISTER BUT SHE'S 20 YEARS OLDER AND I AM AND WEDID NOT GROW UP TOGETHER IN THE SAME HOUSE SHE HAD HER OWN FAMILY  SO EVERY ONE THAT I GREW UP WITH HAS DIED SO I'M ON MY OWN AND AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE LOVE THAT I FELT FOR MY SISTER AND THE SECURITY AND PROTECTION THROUGH MYSELF AND NOW I'M AN EMOTIONAL EATER

georgiapeaches

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Re: my sister
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2009, 07:39:39 PM »
Hi zoe,
I'm so sorry for your losses. You sound like your in so much pain. There are alot of people here in the same pain as you are and just know you are not alone. I have a friend that I work with that is a emotional eater and she is seeing a therepist for it and it is working out pretty well, but I know it is a very hard habit to break because I am pretty close with her and I try to help. Just take one step at a time, one problem at a time.

I feel like a lost everyone this year also and feel like I am on my own, but you will be surprised just how strong you can be when you are forced into it. It is very tiring and stressful, but you can do it, and were here to help you. If you would like to post on the main board there are alot more people there, usually the sibling board is pretty quiet, but whatever you like. I really hope you feel better and come back and post as much as you like, hope to talk with you again.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Melanomore

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Re: my sister
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2009, 09:37:04 PM »
Hi Zoe....I am Judy.  My 46 year old sister died on August 22, 2008 from Malignant Melanoma.  At first I felt like I was doing o.k.  These days, not so much.  I had 3 sisters (the other 2 are still alive) but Nancy was closest to me in age.  We were 4 years apart.  She would have been 47 on October 1, 2008.  I am 43.  I miss her so much and the other day I picked up my phone to call her and realized that she wasn't going to answer.  That is the first time I have done that.

Anway, I am hoping this sight will help me process some of these feelings and learn to cope.  I just can't believe that she is gone.  I keep thinking, "She'll be right back" but she won't be.

I loved you so much Nan.

georgiapeaches

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Re: my sister
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2009, 04:27:03 AM »
Hi Melanomore,
I am sorry to here about the loss of your sister, but glad you found this site. I hope you come back and post some more and tell us more about you sister.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Luvinmike

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Re: my sister
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2009, 07:11:47 AM »
Zoe and Melanomore, I  echo what georgia has said and welcome you to this site. We are sorry for your need to be here. I am so sorry for your losses. Siblings have such a unique relationship, don't they. I know my loss is of a different relationship (husband), but his siblings are very much in pain and grief. He was only 44 and his older siblings just feel they should have seen it coming somehow- they could not have, he had a heart arrythmia, not even a doctor can predict that very well.
Regarding your post Zoe, for me I felt and still feel very alone (Even though I have friends etc.), and I have some go arounds with eating. I am steadily working on these issues. I have gotten involved with our church, a knitting group, I joined up for a trip, and I force myself at least once a week to eat lunch at work where other people are. Even if i don't talk with them. (I was sitting in my car crying)- the cold weather sort of forced me back in the building. I also am very honest with doctors, I just sit in the office and cry and say, "I am doing the best I can." Some people will be supportive, some not so much. Of course giving back to others is a proven effective way to feel a little bit better and more connected. These are just some ideas. The point I am trying to make is to reach out for help and to help others. Writing here is a great place to share your thoughts- keep writing.
Prayers to you both, and you too Georgia for strength for this day. Terri

Jeanneb

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Re: my sister
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2009, 01:43:55 PM »
Zoe and Melanomore,

I am so very sorry for your losses.  I lost a brother 12 years ago and my youngest son 5 years ago.

There is something about loosing a sibling that really slaps us with our own mortality.  I know how much you both miss yours. 

I hope as you are able you will come back and share with us.

Deep breaths and baby steps,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

Jillers

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Re: my sister
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2009, 08:26:04 PM »
I wish I could say that I don't understand but I do. I too lost my sister and Mom in the same year. They are my best friends. I talked to my mom every night on the phone and my sister twice a day. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I understand that you feel lost, I do to. My sister had cancer too and it also spread to her liver and lungs. She was my big sister and took care of me when I was little so we have that in common too. Please know that I cry when I feel like it, I'm sad when I feel like it and laugh at great memories and it helps. I don't hide my sadness. I know my Mom and Sister would want me to go on with my life and make a difference and I will. I will never let the memory of them fade. I'm sure that you have great friends that are there to help but you will always have your angels to watch over you. You are never alone. Take care of you, sending you hugs from California.

Jillers

motwins

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Re: my sister
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2009, 08:40:21 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss.  I feel for anyone that has experienced losing someone they love.

I just recently lost my sister and best friend, on January 25, 2009 my sister Verna (47 yrs old) fell down the stairs as she was walking up the stairs of her basement.   She was rushed to the hospital and we were told that she needed surgery immediately if not she would die.  I appreciate the doctors trying to help her, but as far as her recovering it was pretty obvious that she would not. 

The Doctor always made it pretty clear that her recovery was almost impossible, so after 9 days in the SICU
(surgery intensive care unit) my sister Verna was gone.  there was no more waiting to see if she would recover.

I am still in shock that she is no longer with me, my sister, friend and mother; she was all to me.

I have 8 yr old twins (boy and girl) and they were very close to her, they use to call her Tia Verna. When ever I went out of town on business I would call her. she would then come to my house and spend time with them, my daughter would always tell me, I miss you mom but I'm glad Tia is here because she takes care of us like a mother.  They miss her tremendously, I am in so much pain, and to add to that pain is to hear my kids cry every other night as they express how much they miss her.

That is something I had never experienced.  I am sure that with time I will feel better, but in the mean time I feel like a part of me has died.  Yes, I go through my daily routines, but i constantly want to break out and cry, even when I'm working I feel so empty inside.  I have laughed, gone to a play, gone out to dinner done my usual things they don't feel as great as they used to. 

When my sister fell I was not there, I got a phone call that she fell and that she needed to go to the hospital, that was it.
My husband and I got in the car to the hospital, instantly I started to feel something horrible inside.
I proceeded to cry, my husband could not understand why I was crying.  I told him that I had a terrible feeling that this was going to be really bad.  Again he said stop thinking like that she probably just hurt her ankle or something.  But I knew that it was not that, my entire body was telling me different.

Isn't it amazing how, things like that happen I am not a negative person I would never feel that other wise.  I have learned something about myself,  that I was able to listen to my gut feelings.  Now I know what they were talking about.  I did not understand it, but unfortunately  do now.

I do believe that my sister is fine, she was an angel here on earth, and she will continue being an angel.

God Bless
 

Luvinmike

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Re: my sister
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2009, 06:59:09 PM »
Dear motwins;
     I am so sorry for the unexpected loss of your dear sister. Please come and post, tell us more about your twins and your sister if you want to. The grief is so difficult, it can take your breath away. Please take good care of yourself as your family adjusts to such a shock and the deep grief that goes with the deep love you've shared. remember that love never dies. Welcome, and if you need anything just ask us, we are all in this together. Terri