I am yet again wide awake. I haven't been able to sleep well for many weeks now. On November 25th 2008
my husband answered the phone. I could tell by his face that it was bad. My sister who was a year younger than I am had a Massive Heart Attack & died in her home. She was only 43 yrs old.
We had lost our Beloved Mother to Ovarian Cancer on November 29th 2003. I spoke to my sister often on the phone, usually every day, some days 2 or 3 times a day. Our last phone call was the day before she died. She called me crying & very upset. Tammy told me she was having a really tough time grieving over Mama. The 29th was in 5 days and she told me to please be with her because the 29th was going to be a very sad day. I would never in my wildest dreams have thought that we would be burying my Beautiful Baby Sister on the 29th instead.
Tammy was the apple of our Mama's eye. We all said that their umbilical connection had never been severed.
Tammy lived next door to Mama & they did almost everything together. When Mama was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer we all just fell apart but it hit Tammy the hardest. I am a Nurse so I took over as Primary Caregiver. We both promised Mama we would never leave her alone which was her biggest fear. Our Father had died suddenly in a car accident in 1982 leaving my Mama a young widow with 4 kids. I drove her to all of her appointments, sat with her during Chemo sessions, and held her hand during the horrible episodes after Chemo. Tammy was with us of course but many times she would be so incapacitated by her fear that she would wait in another room. Tammy suffered from Panic attacks which made her suffering all the worse.
I miss them both so much I feel like I can hardly breathe. I spend most days crying. I rarely go out of the house now, only when I am forced to for groceries or an important appointment. My husband & I could never have children so my Sister & my Mama were 2 huge pieces of my life. I am just so unbearably sad and in pain.