I want to thank you all for your support and love here. It is late (after midnight of my wedding day right now) I am thinking of Adam and how excited he would have been. Trying not to get down, but thinking of him watching over me now and maybe being there on the beach. This is so bittersweet, it stinks! I am happy, not really happy as in ready to shout frome the mountaintops, but happy in feeling that I am doing what I really want finally with the man who loves me and who has stood by my side and been so kind and loving to both me and to my son. He is the one who planned the entire funeral and kept me alive when I thought I was not going to make it, so I am happy...but there is an ache in my heart and I wish I could block it out just for 24 hours...just for our wedding day. I guess I'll never be able to do it and also, if I were waiting for no ache to get married it will never happen as I know that it is going to hurt forever! So, now feels like the right time, ache in my heart and all. I have one foot in Adam's world, but my other foot is in this world, right here and I need my life partner to help me get through. He also needs me, so this is it. I'm getting married, carrying on what we had planned to do years ago before cancer stole my baby boy so young! If there is a time I need a partner it is now that Adam is gone. I was fine as a single mom and actually, I was afraid to marry before because I hated the thought of my special relationship with Adam being changed by having to share my heart with a husband and Adam. It's something how it all has changed now and there is no one else to share anything with anymore. Am I making sense? For years after my divorce from Adam's father it was just the two of us, then I did have a long relationship with Wally, but Adam always came first then and we lived in separate homes until the night Adam died. sorry for rambling again.
Would it be morbid to go to the cemetary after the ceremony? I really feel like going there with Wally afterwards. It's actually only about 10 minutes away from the beach we will be at.