Hey Will,
Good to hear from you. Your expectations are not too much to ask. She needs to completely let go of this guy if she is to have a health relationship with you. A girl can't have 100% of her devotion, heart, or energy in one guy, when she is still in contact with another. So again, you are not asking for too much. If she can't do this, then its time for you to fly.
I would come out and ask her if she is still in contact with him. If she admits it, then I would request that she not be in contact with him anymore, in any way, shape or form. No txt, no calls no myspace or facebook. If she refuses, then she is not ready to be devoted to you the way a girl should be to her man and you need to walk away from this relationship.
If she denies that she is in contact with him, then I would say "so if I checked your myspace or history, it would be clear of all info?" and then I would demand that she show you the proof, right then and there. because you need it in order to move forward into this relationship. If she has a problem with this, then she obviously has something to hide, which we already know.
If she tries to play the "you dont trust me" card, then tell her that you dont. Not right now until the two of you can have several months of time of her not being in contact with him. Its ok. Its normal not to trust someone who wanted another guy just a few wee ks ago, and certainly normal to want to check or have proof.
Usually in counseling we say that if the person can maintain good behavior for 9mos to a year, without major screw ups, then its ok to stop checking and let your guard down.
Personally I think she is still attracted to this guy ,at least emotionally. Otherwise she would not need to be checking her myspace.
You are a smart guy Will. You are right on target with your expectations with her. Dont doubt yourself, no matter how much she uses the tears. You deserve someone who is good to you and is trustworthy and nothing less than that.
Good to see ya,
Lauren