Author Topic: Ex-Girlfriend Needs Time to Herself  (Read 2837 times)


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Ex-Girlfriend Needs Time to Herself
« on: August 29, 2016, 12:29:50 PM »
So my girlfriend of two years just recently told me that she needs time to herself and I'm not exactly sure what I should do.

I started dating her in high-school, when I was a senior and she was a junior. A year after we started dating I went off to college and I was unsure if I really wanted to continue the relationship with her. I didn't know if I wanted something else or if I wanted to have freedom in college. Initially we had broken up when I went off to school but we remained in contact and shortly after, about a week after, we decided to try to make things work. We did the whole long distance thing for my whole first year in college and everything went amazingly well. I was deeply in love with her and was very happy that I decided to try to make things work. She also was very deeply in love with me. Often times we would talk about our future together and how exciting it all was, even though we were apart for all of about 20 days out of nine months when I was away at school. Even though we were so far apart we were inseparable. The time we spent together was natural, fun, and happy. We often considered each other to be our best friend as well as our significant other.

Late on in my first year I found out that she got into the same college as me and she would be attending there the next year (because shes a year younger than me). We were both extremely excited to look forward to being able to spend a bunch of time together, like we did together in high-school. When summer hit things started changing though. The girl who was once in love with me to the point where she wished to spend the next 5+ years by my side began feeling differently, kind of out of nowhere. As soon as I got home from college for the summer, I began noticing subtle differences in her behavior. She didn't quite look at me the same way and treat me with the same love and kindness that she had before. It confused me an extreme amount because I thought, if nothing else, the future that lied ahead of us would be nothing short of incredible in every single way. She continued to become more distant though. Eventually I asked her if she was losing interest in me, and she didn't really deny that she was. However, she told me that she still wanted to stay together to try to make things work.

Later on this summer though, she broke up with me. She told me that I was perfect for her in every single way but she just fell out of love and didn't know why. She wanted to remain friends and I agreed, as much as the situation hurt me. For the following two weeks after the break-up we still remained in contact and saw each other just as often as we had before, but it was very hard on me being just a friend for her, since I wanted so much more. During these two weeks she said that another reason for the break up was for her to "find herself" and "learn to love herself", which I completely understood. She said that we could remain friends and then, once she made the transition to college, we could "try again". She wanted a break from the relationship but still wanted to be with each other during this break.

Of course, throughout this time I was receiving lots of mixed signals from her, and she even knew about the mixed signals she was sending because she apologized repeatedly for them. Even though she said she fell out of love with me, it really never seemed like all of her feelings were diminished.

At the end of these two weeks, I eventually said that I couldn't do the only friends thing any more, even if she wanted to go on a first date at the end of it, it hurt too much to be with her and not love her in the way that she didn't want to be loved. We spent one last day together before going our separate ways for who knows how long but that last day together went very strangely and only confused me more. During that day we talked, a lot, and she cried, a lot, because she knew she wouldn't be seeing me for a while. She said that she hated herself for not being able to love me the way that I loved her or the way that she used to love me. She told me repeatedly that I was "too good"  for her. At the end of the night we were sitting on a couch and were hugging, and she was still sobbing. She kissed me on the cheek/forehead multiple times and I did the same to her. Then, she kissed me on the lips and told me that she would "be seeing" me, just to add to the already very confused state that I was in. I didn't know if it was out of pity, if she actually still had feelings for me, or what. Then she promised that once she figured everything out with herself, I would be the first person she came to, to go on a date with, to start from scratch.

This gave me hope for a happy future with her, because I truly love her in a way I have never felt before. I had no contact with her for three days but the confusion and frustration kept gnawing on me. After the three days I texted her to figure out what the end of that night meant. I called her and she said she was sorry for leading me on, because I didn't deserve it, and that she still wanted space. She also told me that the promise felt like I was "holding her hostage" even though she was the one who came up with it. She said that she wants the freedom to date other guys even though she told me that I was perfect for her. The flip-flopping back and forth of her emotions angered me, made me sad, confused me, all of the above. But anyways, a few days after this, after I calmed down a bit and analyzed the situation, I told her that I respect her need for space and I wouldn't contact her until she came to me first, she thanked me for this and I haven't spoken to her since. Its only been about a week though.

Anyways, with all this behind me I still feel like she is the person that I truly want to be with. I feel comfortable around her in ways that I never thought were possible. She is perfect for me in every way that I can think of. It terrifies me when I think about the concept of never getting her back. It terrifies me to think that she is going to find someone out there who she thinks is better than me. Its been very hard dealing with this especially since I was so excited for the future I envisioned us having together and how excited she was about it, too. My question is, do I have any hope to be able to get her back one day? Do you think she is going to be with other men before she thinks that I am the one she wants? How do I act when she wants to reconnect? I really have no interest at the moment in perusing any girl other than her. I want to wait for her but I'm not sure if I have to accept that I'm not for her and try to move on. I feel like a part of me is missing, and I've been trying to get my mind off things by hanging out with friends, exercising, etc... But I cant help but think that I will never have a chance with her again.

Thanks for your time and sorry for the long post haha