Wow thanks for the question Lauren, sorry i have been a little busy since getting back down to school...as i will tell.
So I was talking to her the morning that I left on the phone and discussing where we kinda were both at with this whole broken up thing...and we stumbled upon the topic of if each of us have moved on and seen other people. She asked me and I told her that she would have to tell me if she wanted me to tell her anything. Small talk to small talk and it turns out that she has been kissing another guy that I didn't know about. This other guy hung out with her and friends and kind of has always posed a threat to our relationship in one way or another, always looming in the distance, the kind of guy that pops out whenever she is single and jumps back in (where i guess I was at one point). So it hit me pretty hard, and I'm still pretty pissed off about it. Knowing that not only ten days after we broke it off she was kissing another guy is a pretty hard punch to take in the groin if you know what I mean. Since we broke up I have gotten a few girls numbers, but honestly I was not interested in any of them...and I definitely have not moved on.
Anyways, getting back to the story, I was pretty pissed. Trying to play it off as if it didn't make me want to kill someone I asked her if she thought that there was anything really there between them two, to which I received the response...I dunno. Great, so now not only am I struggling trying to get her back, she is already finding other guys that there may or may not be something with. I feel absolutely wonderful at this point. So i get off of the phone at this point and talk to my buddy that I had just picked up for the 6 hour ride down to school.
After the extremely long drive, I was still upset but not to the point where I was mad, more of the point where I was extremely disapointed. So, trying to be the nice guy I picked up the phone call of her calling me and telling me how she was feeling pretty sick. I decided this point to try to be nice because that is pretty much the only way that anything is seeming to go any smoother at this point. The more mad i get the worse the situation gets. She got on the phone and I told her that if she was feeling so bad that I would come over and make her some soup for dinner and see her. Sounds good to her and 3 hours later I'm over there.
Picked up a movie at blockbuster and also when I was at the grocery store I saw some daisies that I knew were her favorite, and showed up at her front door, kind of dinner and a movie...here's some flowers if you want them too like. She was pretty glad to see me as we haven't seen each other in over 2 weeks so I gave her a hug and she almost started balling right there (i can definitely tell that she misses me alot). I came in and she went up to dry her hair and by the time she came back down I had dinner ready, some flowers in the vase on the table, and some of her favorite bread cut up. Damn sometimes i feel like I try awful hard.
Dinner went well we just chit chatted and then we sat down to watch the movie. She cuddled up next to me and kind of asked me what I thought about me and her. My response to this was, i'm ready to start fixing whatever we have, and i just want to try to make us better. I said, "obviously you know that there is something here, I know that you can at least see that". She agreed with me and told me that she knew there was something there between us but she was just not ready to start getting back to how it used to be between us. We talked about a few other things including the other guy and I held in my anger about that and tried to figure out if anything was going to happen there.
Turns out for you to know the background of this guy you need to know a few things. 1) he is 24 and still lives with his parents. 2) he doesn't even have a dependable car to come down if he did want to visit her
I guess this makes me feel a little bit better, and I ask her then what the hell is she pursuing this guy for? The response that I get is that she didn't know if there was anything there and that I shouldn't be too worried about it anyways because he is too much of a chicken to tell her how he really feels about her. She said that that is one of the things that she loves about me and she loves how she can depend on me to always be there when we are dating and doesn't feel like this guy would be able to provide that.
Then again I wonder to myself...."Well then why the *#
[email protected] did you kiss this guy more than once over break?"
Doesn't make sense to me, maybe it does to you, I dunno i would love some insight on this.
Anyways, my ex fell asleep in my arms and I put her into bed. She asked me if i would stay, so I did and actually slept (nothing happened in that respect). Probably a good thing.
Woke up the next morning and went to walmart to get some drugs for her to feel better. We bought some cinnamon rolls also and went up to the register. Her phone buzzed and I looked down to see that she had gotten a text. She quickly put it away and tried to distract me from it. My response at this point was, so what did the new guy have to say?? She finally told me that he had texted her to ask her how our talk had went last night and she texted back one word...good....to him. I'm okay with that I'm just not too keen with sharing someone with someone else.
We got back to her place and up to this point everything had been fine. We hadn't fought once over anything and I started making the cinnamon rolls. Went and sat down on the couch and it was kind of starting to mull over my thoughts about how pissed off i was about this other guy. That's the point I probably should have left and went back home. Instead, I just sat there and read a magazine and watched TV, pretending like nothing was wrong until she saw me and asked about it. She can tell by now if something is bothering me, it isn't easy to hold anything back in that respect. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to fight with her. She pryed it out of me anyways.
I went on to tell her that I am tired of being her safety net in all of this. I am not the guy that just sits around on his hands and isn't bothered by what is going on. I told her that I do not want to be in second place and if there is going to be anything between us that there is going to be only me and her, there better not be anyone else. I also went on to say that it is absolutely not fair to me for her to say that she needs time for herself and that she wants to be single and get away from relationship drama, and then go out and start making out with some guy, with the thoughts of seeing what is there. How the hell is that right (lets see here I'm going to get out of a relationship with someone i love and makes me happy and just see if this other guy that bugs me occasionally is worth being with, even though i say that i do not want any relationships). We started yelling about it and she got mad about it saying that I was a horrible person to come over there and make her feel so bad about it. My response to this was to walk out of the door.
Sounds pleasant huh?
I texted her as I left and said, "That is why I don't tell you what I am feeling and I keep it bottled inside"
only to receive back a couple hours later...
" If you really care about me then you need to care about my happiness and understand why I need this."
Definitely didn't dignify that with a response.
Later on she text'd me something along the lines of " are you mad at me"
and i said
"I dunno what I am, all i know at this point is that I am not going to be the only one working for you and me to be together."
she says back
"Well just try to understand where I am coming from"
and i said
"Maybe you should try putting yourself in MY shoes for once"
only to get the response
" i realize that it is hard for you but it is hard for me too when you come over and act like we are still dating"
I left it alone at that point
I don't know how to be around her and not act like we are dating. I pulled back when she tried to kiss me at first last night, but after a couple of times i gave in and it was just like old times.
And then she pulls the "i cant sleep" game and calls me while I'm hanging out with my buddies.
I told her, "what do you want me to do?, it obviously isn't right for me to be over there any more like that"
So there it is, the ever so amazing "talk", pretty long winded, sorry to make you read so much. So what now? I think at this point I am just going to try to become pretty socially active around here and try to get my mind off of her. It drives me nuts to go through this, but it is still amazing when we are together and her and I both can tell that it is even better than we first broke up. She still claims to need her time for this, so I am not going to be the safety net any more, that's just not how I work. Yet I still want her back as confusing as that may sound to go through all of this and still want her, I cant help it. I do want to kick some ass though too eventually with new boy (just the inner guy in me talking).
Let me know what you think Lauren...maybe you will understand better than I do. I am only a man, I will never understand women and I am definitely to terms with that fact.
Thanks again.