Hello to all, I am very new here. I wish I knew what I want to tell you. I guess I'll just start and see where I end up. My son, Wesley who would be 17 four days after Christmas, was killed in an automobile crash on November 14, 2008. There were three boys near his age in his pick up truck, and a car with three girls inside near the same ages as the boys. The girls attempted to pass, and swerved and caused my son and their car to loose control and both vehicles rolled. My son and one of his passengers were ejected as was one of the girls from the car. Wesley's neck was broken, and the other kids all walked away, without ever loosing consciousness.
I heard about an accident, and something told me to call Wes, I'm not normaly a paniky person, but called his cell phone anyway, I just wanted to KNOW that it wasn't him. He didn't answer. I discovered moments later when I called Wesley's dad (my ex) to find out if he knew where Wes was, (Wes had told me as he left for school that morning that he intended to spend the night with his dad) That it WAS Wes in the wreck and his dad was already at the scene. His dad said, "Yes, I'm here and I'm really scared, it's not good, they're doing chest compressions on him now". I headed to the accident, with my now husband Steve, and our good friends following in their vehicle. When we got there, we had to park quite a way behind because of all the rescue vehicles, and I tried to run to find Wesley's dad. I finally saw him and yelled his name, and he turned and said "he's in that ambulance and they're going to the hospital now", I turned to get back to our vehicle and could see a rescue worker doing chest compressions inside the ambulance. I suddenly lost all my air and my strength and knew in my heart that I had lost my baby boy. All I could keep saying was "I can't do this I can't do this", over and over and over, the ambulance took off with Wesley's dad following and then us after him. After we had driven about two miles, something came over me and I stopped my chanting, "I can't do this, I can't do this", and took a breath and said to Steve, "he didn't make it", Steve said just hang on, we'll be there soon, and I said, "it doesn't matter, when I get there, they're going to tell me he's gone". When we got there they were still unloading his stretcher and as they came in I saw three or four drops of blood on the floor, someone wiped them quickly. After about 5 minutes behind the closed door, the door opened and the doctor was telling me that they did all they could.....I just said I understand, I understand. Then a friend who is a nurse and had been in the room, and known me since before Wes was even born, came out and gave me a hug and said I'm so sorry, and then I finally started to sob and whispered to her "I'm dead too, I'm dead too, and then I fainted. Here it is more than a month later, and I still get by day to day, and have my moments. I realize now that this won't ever really be "better, or easier", I'll just get used to it.
Wesley and I have always been very close. He couldn't stand to see me cry, if he did, he would get tears too. He loved me well, and I KNOW he knew how much I loved him. The last words he spoke to me that morning were "love you too, probably see you tomorrow" (remember he was going to spend the night with his dad) He would have come to my work place on Saturday probably near breakfast or lunch time and gotten me something to eat. He was well liked in school, but he didn't like the studying part. We greeted over 600 people during the visitation, and his funeral was attended by more than 1,000. Seriously!~He knew more about loving people in his short life, than some people ever figure out. He loved motocross and fourwheeling and driving anything! He enjoyed helping his dad on the farm.
Thanks to anyone who reads my long post, at least I've gotten started here.