Author Topic: I don't know what to type  (Read 20049 times)

sj1211

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I don't know what to type
« on: December 19, 2008, 06:35:22 AM »
Hello to all, I am very new here. I wish I knew what I want to tell you. I guess I'll just start and see where I end up. My son, Wesley who would be 17 four days after Christmas, was killed in an automobile crash on November 14, 2008. There were three boys near his age in his pick up truck, and a car with three girls inside near the same ages as the boys. The girls attempted to pass, and swerved and caused my son and their car to loose control and both vehicles rolled. My son and one of his passengers were ejected as was one of the girls from the car. Wesley's neck was broken, and the other kids all walked away, without ever loosing consciousness.
I heard about an accident, and something told me to call Wes, I'm not normaly a paniky person, but called his cell phone anyway, I just wanted to KNOW that it wasn't him. He didn't answer. I discovered  moments later when I called  Wesley's dad (my ex) to find out if he knew where Wes was, (Wes had told me as he left for school that morning that he intended to spend the night with his dad) That it WAS Wes in the wreck and his dad was already at the scene. His dad said, "Yes, I'm here and I'm really scared, it's not good, they're doing chest compressions on him now". I headed to the accident, with my now husband Steve, and our good friends following in their vehicle. When we got there, we had to park quite a way behind because of all the rescue vehicles, and I tried to run to find Wesley's dad. I finally saw him and yelled his name, and he turned and said "he's in that ambulance and they're going to the hospital now", I turned to get back to our vehicle and could see a rescue worker doing chest compressions inside the ambulance. I suddenly lost all my air and my strength and knew in my heart that I had lost my baby boy. All I could keep saying was "I can't do this I can't do this", over and over and over, the ambulance took off with Wesley's dad following and then us after him. After we had driven about two miles, something came over me and I stopped my chanting, "I can't do this, I can't do this", and took a breath and said to Steve, "he didn't make it", Steve said just hang on, we'll be there soon, and I said, "it doesn't matter, when I get there, they're going to tell me he's gone". When we got there they were still unloading his stretcher and as they came in I saw three or four drops of blood on the floor, someone wiped them quickly. After about 5 minutes behind the closed door, the door opened and the doctor was telling me that they did all they could.....I just said I understand, I understand. Then a friend who is a nurse and had been in the room, and known me since before Wes was even born, came out and gave me a hug and said I'm so sorry, and then I finally started to sob and whispered to her "I'm dead too, I'm dead too, and then I fainted. Here it is more than a month later, and I still get by day to day, and have my moments. I realize now that this won't ever really be "better, or easier", I'll just get used to it.
Wesley and I have always been very close. He couldn't stand to see me cry, if he did, he would get tears too. He loved me well, and I KNOW he knew how much I loved him. The last words he spoke to me that morning were "love you too, probably see you tomorrow" (remember he was going to spend the night with his dad) He would have come to my work place on Saturday probably near breakfast or lunch time and gotten me something to eat. He was well liked in school, but he didn't like the studying part. We greeted over 600 people during the visitation, and his funeral was attended by more than 1,000. Seriously!~He knew more about loving people in his short life, than some people ever figure out. He loved motocross and fourwheeling and driving anything! He enjoyed helping his dad on the farm.
Thanks to anyone who reads my long post, at least I've gotten started here.

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2008, 06:48:39 AM »
I am so very sorry about your son, Wes.

Please know we are here to listen and hopefully you can gain some strength for the days ahead.

I lost my daughter Tammie Sept. 14, 2005. She was my only child and I still struggle daily. The struggle becomes different as time passes.

HUGS TO YOU,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2008, 06:59:19 AM »
((sj1211)) I am deeply sorry for the loss of you boy. I too, lost a son (Adam) in 09/08. He was 24 years old and the love of my life. I wish I could tell you some magic words to make this tragic loss go away or even to make you feel better. I cannot. I can offer you compassionate friendship from one who walks alongside you in this grief journey. You have found a place to post where you will find many others who will share their stories and open their hearts to you. I found this website to be enormously helpful to me. As Angel Danielle Marie's brokenhearted Daddy said to me: "Welcome to a club that no one willingly joins".
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Marianne

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2008, 06:59:40 AM »
As I sit here reading your post, tears are pouring from my eyes.  I am so sorry for your pain.  I understand.  I too lost my son.  Alek was 18 when he passed.  It has been three years.  I want to tell you that you need to take one moment at a time.  Please know that you are not alone.  

It sounds like your son Wesley is loved by many.  Allow that knowledge to fill your heart and breath it in one breath at a time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Marianne (Alek's Mom Forever)

sj1211

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2008, 07:49:33 AM »
Thank you for reading my post, I know it was long. I feel a little greedy here, I sympathize with all the others who are grieving, but I really don't know what to tell them. Sometime soon when I learn how to post a picture, I'd like to share a picture of him taken last year. I have ued photo bucket on another completley unrelated forum. Will photo bucket links work here?

On another note, is anyone here familiar with a song by Anne Cochran, titled "Someone is Missing at Christmas"? A friend of mine gave me the single a couple of days ago. It brings tears, and also,in one way, comfort.

Karen Paul

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2008, 08:00:42 AM »
Your post has brought me to tears - your story is like an echo of our own. You are still in shock and very very early in this journey - I'm so so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Wesley!

My nephew was struck by a hit and run driver while riding his bicycle home to his mom's on Nov. 11, 2003. He died the on Nov. 12 also at the age of 16. Chris' 17th birthday was three weeks later on December 1st. Chris is the only child of my brother Brian and his ex-wife Amy. Amy was making dinner that night and felt something was wrong - she left the house and found chris less than 1/10 mile away.

I remember that first year - we were like zombies going through motions -

Please take care of yourself and know that you are thought of and Wesley - and when I light Chris' candle on Christmas I will light one for Wesley and all the kids here.

You are in my heart,
Karen
proud aunt of Christopher



sj1211

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2008, 08:11:04 AM »
Christopher has a look in his eyes, that says to me he has a tender heart and if he loves, he loves completley. I am sorry I'll have to wait till I get to go to meet him. How are his mother and father doing now?
« Last Edit: December 19, 2008, 08:17:07 AM by sj1211 »

sj1211

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2008, 08:15:45 AM »
Here is a picture of Wes I took it on 10-13-07 and he entered heaven on 11-14-08


Jeanneb

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2008, 08:28:49 AM »
What a good looking young man you have.  Thank you for sharing his picture.

I so understand how you are feeling.  We got to the accident scene of our son before they airlifted him... I also knew that my boy was gone.  Can't explain it completely just knew it before I ever saw him.

It is very overwhelming to greet all those visitors and to know how much our young ones touched so very many in their short lives.

Your post brought tears, how I remember even after five years those moments on the roadside with many strangers around me praying and praying.

This journey is like no other and it is one minute, one breath at a time.

Hold on tight and know that we are here for you.

Love,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2008, 09:13:14 AM »
"On another note, is anyone here familiar with a song by Anne Cochran, titled "Someone is Missing at Christmas"? A friend of mine gave me the single a couple of days ago. It brings tears, and also,in one way, comfort."

I am unfamiliar with the song, do you know the lyrics and can you post them?
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

sj1211

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2008, 10:26:38 AM »
Someone is missing at Christmas
 sung by Anne Cochran
Written by John Chaffee as inpired by his sister Lyn Pease Chaffee


Someone is missing at Christmas
Someone I've loved all my life
Someone I played with and laughed all night long
Someone I think of when I hear that song

Someone is missing at Christmas
Someone has left me alone
Someone so close even though we're apart
Someone who'd finish a sentence I'd start

Someone whose love is my favorite gift
Someone whose presence is my Christmas wish
Someone who always was here
Someone is missing this year

Candlelit snapshots of Christmas gone by
You in your favorite chair
Memories like snowflakes melt in my eyes
I look and you're not sitting there
Someone whose love is my favorite gift
Someone whose presence is my Christmas wish
Someone is missing at Christmas

Wait

Someone is touching my heart
Someone has heard me and answered my call
Someone I love is not missing at all

Someone is with me at Christmas
Someone's right here in my heart
Someone I love is with me this Christmas
And will be each Christmas to come

Terry

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2008, 01:18:18 PM »
((((((((((SJ))))))))))

I'm sorry beyond words. Just so deeply sorry you have lost your son, Wesley.

I came to this Grief Site 6 years ago, when my only surviving child, my son Jeff, of 29 years, died. I lost my baby, "Sal" and my 4 year old daughter "Michelle Marie" many years ago, and back then, instead of the internet, we used to meet at Children's Hospital weekly, at first...then monthly. We are still in touch.

I have found this place to be such a safe haven and have found much comfort. I hope you will, too.

Your story brought many tears....remembering that dreaded phone call, and well, the rest you already know.

Your 'Wes' is such a beautiful boy and with very sweet eyes. Thank you for posting his beautiful picture.

This is such a long journey with so many winding roads and all I will offer you is to try and take care of yourself. Losing a child is so traumatic to our bodies, to our minds. Take each day and very carefully, guard you heart.

Surround yourself with those who will allow you to grieve and in your own way. Only participate in events that you feel you are ready to. Because others, at times, will 'expect' you to be 'back to normal' after the amount of time that 'they' feel that you should be, and there is never a 'normal' that we return to after losing a child.

Please come back and share your beautiful son anytime or if you just need to vent and release your anger, hurt, share a happy memory....whatever....someone here is always listening and we all understand the horrid pain of losing our children.

Deep breaths. One day, and sometimes...one second at a time.

Holding you close to my heart and sending my love,
Terry


Paula, Tims Mom

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2008, 02:11:04 PM »
I cried when I read your message.
That's not a bad thing!  I'm glad you werer strong enough to share your story.
It reminds of my thoughts and feelings when I learned my son Tim was gone
He was 19 and died of a drug overdose, very unexpectedly
Wesley is a gorgeous young man. I hope you find this a place to share your sadness, we all walk this road
and sometimes company helps, other times, just know you are not alone
God Bless -
Paula, Tims Mom

Annie1973

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2008, 02:12:29 PM »
Dear SJ,
My name is Annie and my son died on June 7th, 2008. He tripped over a stool and hit his head on a bedpost, which caused his neck to break as well. He was 34 and my only child. He and I were very close as you and your Wesley were, and ARE. As I read your post, I began to feel the hole in my heart and stomach get bigger and bigger. I so much wish I could hug you and we could cry together.
Please encourage others to talk to you about Wesley and SPEAK HIS NAME, as time goes on it will comfort you more and more, nothing will ever be the same for you and I am sorry beyond words that you lost your baby, you will find compassion and love here, no one will ever ask you if you are "over it", we walk this path together, none of us having ever wanted to take the first step.
Bless you my sister,
Annie (Dans mom)
Much love,
Annie (Dans mom)

Penny - Sean's Mom

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Re: I don't know what to type
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2008, 02:54:48 PM »
(((SJ)))

Your son Wesley is beautiful.  I am so sorry for your loss but very glad that you found us.  I too found this board very soon after the death of my oldest son Sean on 12/28/05.  He was 22 when he was in a fatal accident on his way home from work.

Those very first days are still full of memory gaps but I do remember feeling comforted in some strange way when I discovered that I wasn't alone in my experience.  Up until that point I had felt as if I was the only parent on earth to lose a child unexpectedly.   The people here are gentle and understanding.  Please visit us whenever you need to - whether to vent, cry, scream or share a wonderful memory of Wesley.  We'll be here when you need us.

Wishing you peace...

Penny - Sean's Mom