Author Topic: It all builds up  (Read 6867 times)

jaddie

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It all builds up
« on: December 08, 2008, 11:15:30 AM »
Its been a little over 3 weeks since my sister died.  Luckily I got to spend that last day with her.  I go to college about an hour and a half away so I only got to see her on random weekends when I would come up.  I still dont believe that she is gone.  She was 2 years younger than me.  Most people think they are invinsible...not me I was always cautious.  But my sister, she was young, niave, and I had it in my mind that she was invinsible.  Its hard being here at school because nobody knows what to say or do so they just act like Im not hurting.  Like everything will be okay if they just ignore it.

I got together all of the pictures of us I could find, and what I found was that there werent enough of them.  There were a lot more from when we were little.  Now I take pictures with all my friends/family whenever they ask because a picture really can say a thousand words.

Its hard though, I dont feel like it will ever get easy.  Ive dealt with pain in my heart before, but never anything like this.  I lost my other half, I lost my rival and bestfriend, I lost my baby sister and its not fair.  & now I truely know that money cannot buy happiness because I will never have her back.

I feel so many emotions, mad, sad, frustrated, silent, at peace, at war, lost, numb....& I am sad that there are this many people going through the same thing.  My heart goes out to you people.  & there arent any words I can say to tell you its going to be okay, or that its going to get better.  But the thing that helps me is being with people who know me or know what Im going through.  Dont try to shut yourself out, try to laugh in their memory even if right after you cry.

We can sit here in silence and feel for each other and find strength out of assimilation.
bless you all

Linds

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2008, 11:44:20 AM »
Thank you so much for posting this. I lost my brother yesterday and I am completely beside myself. I'm sorry for yours, and everyones loss and I just wish I had the answers - but laughing in memory sounds teh best thing to do right now. Thank you for that.


Jeanneb

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2008, 11:54:28 AM »
I can feel your pain as I read your post.

I lost one of my older brothers 12 years ago and my youngest son 5 years ago.  My brother was 40 at the time... he actually had his 40th BD the day before and died in an auto accident.

You are very very early in this journey.  People find it very hard to deal with those of us grieving and usually say nothing out of fear.  Some think that saying their name will upset us and while we may shed tears we want nothing more than to hear their name.

It always seems that there are never enough pictures.  I found the same feeling as I went through pics of my brother and my son.... lots when little but we just don't seem to have that camera as much as we age.  I'm like you and now I'm trying to fix that... always taking pictures.

One thing I did which really helps to this day... I took pictures, made copies and did a fabulous collage.  I have it hanging in my home office and look at it everyday... each time seeing something different and bringing back wonderful memories of places, times, events... might be something to think about.

I also understand thinking it will never get easier.  Right now you are going through what I think is shock... I think this is how our body protects us and for me this lasted quite a while.  All the firsts that are coming your way and then topping off with the holidays... it is hard.  There is just no way around it.  My advice is to go with it... whatever you feel... let it out. 

Time in my opinion doesn't heal but it does make the pain softer.  The missing is always there but as time moves forward and you are able to move forward hope will see you through.  The hope that one day there will just be less tears... one day there will be more good days than bad... one day the memories will bring more smiles and laughter... yes laughter will come one day.  Now when that day will be... I cannot say, it is different for all.

Just know you are not alone and there is understanding here as we walk this journey together.

Sending you strength,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister


Jojobanono

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2008, 09:18:31 AM »
I feel everything ou feel. I lost my older sister on chritsmas day. She was 16 and hadn't gotten to experience anything. She had so man medical problems, I always tried to protect her. She ahd open heart surgery and so many things went wrong. When she died she had had 14 different surgeries.

I still dont believe she is gone. I want to believe that she will just wake up like she was starting to do earlier. Now she is gone and the last things I said to her were selfish and rude.

I am making a scrapbook of her life for my own healing process.

Luvinmike

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2008, 02:54:01 PM »
The deepest prayers go out to you Jaddie, Linds, and jojobonano- so very sorry. Prayers that in these dark early days of severe grief that you do find some comfort in sharing with others here on this site and with friends.
 Grief support groups can be found through your local hospital, social workers, hospice centers, religious leaders and Griefshare.org.
I have found going to therapy helpful not because it fixes anything- but because I can say whatever I want and not fear the chance it will be spread throughout the family or friends. It helped me with my regrets, to speak of them out loud. It also helped me to understand that we each have our journey or passage here, and these are hard times. Grief is pain like I have never known. Please be brave as you carry on one moment at a time. Remembering your loved one and what they would want for you. I'm sure they would want you to have bit of peace. Prayers for your strength. And a special prayer for you Jeanneb for sharing your wisdom with all of us- we need you here... Terri

lost w/out them

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2008, 09:11:35 PM »
i just lost my mother 2 suicide on november 3 2008. i  lost my grandma sept 18,2006 my dad dec 22 2006 and my 18yr old cousin commited suicide feb 15 2007.never felt the emptiness that i feel inside since i lost my mother. i have 2 older sis im 24 n the baby i was also her  fave. since she died im lost i feel like i cant go on deep down inside im dying. i try so hard 2 move on but i cant!!!!i just keep thinken on how i need her in mylife....................not 2 mention my uncle died 2wk ago.y is every1 dying i must be a curse

Luvinmike

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2009, 05:51:39 AM »
Dear lost without them;
     My prayers and hugs go out to you. Many here will also send you their care and kindness. I am so sorry for the recent loss of your dear Mom and the recent losses of your Dad, Grandma and your cousin. Death, grief, and suicide are not easy topics for our friends and the social network we work in to handle, but talking helps. It is only medicine to talk about your losses, doesn't fix it, but it can help.
You have endured significany grief recently and it is the top priority that you be gentle and loving towards yourself. Please know that we are listening here as your partners and fellow travellers in this confusing world of pain and loss. Some people have wise words, some are simply here to share your pain- most are swinging back and forth between the two. One thing is certain- you are not alone. You also are not cursed.
Please post on the Main board, and tell us about your grief as you feel able. Whatever gives you any comfort now and in the days ahead, follow your instincts, always taking good care of yourself. "Deep breaths and baby steps..." Sincerely, Terri

Jeanneb

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2009, 09:43:52 AM »
Dear lost without them,

Hold on tight.... you have had so much loss in such a short time.  My heart just aches for you.  Please keep coming and posting and know that you are not alone.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

franke

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2009, 10:26:05 PM »
hey guys,
my brother john took his own life on the 19th of nov last year, he was only 38. it was a sad end to his life, my brother was a tortured sole, he just couldnt escape from the hold of herion. it had been in his life for so long he just couldnt see any way out. his family all knew the real john, caring, supportive, loyal family member who we all miss desperatly. i swear sometimes i can look at some guys face in the street and swear it john looking at me...i love my brother so much i just wish i told him more when he was here. i now find it hard to sleep at night, trawling the internet looking for something to spill out my feelings too and its not that i dont have friends because i do, but sometimes its just easier this way.
i can totaly understand the hardship and grief for those of us left behind, but i will see my brother again.

thanks for listening

franke

Luvinmike

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2009, 03:58:49 PM »
Dear Franke, so so sorry for the loss of your brother. You are in the thoughts of all of us here on this site. Please post on the sibling loss and main board- we want to hear about your brother. And you, and how you are doing. Again, so sorry for the grief in your family. Sincerely, Terri

i12thrive

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Re: It all builds up
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2009, 05:15:05 PM »
I'm sorry for each person's loss here. My brother has been gone for a long time, but due to the traumatic nature, I'm still grieving his death. I'm trying to learn better ways. I really like the idea of the collage. I found his high school yearbook at my Dad's. Maybe getting copies from that would be a place to start. I had a copy of his high school picture, but I guess I need to get a new one.

Again, I am truly sorry for the recent losses everyone here is experiencing.

i12thrive