Author Topic: My brother just died  (Read 7229 times)

LaurieL

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My brother just died
« on: December 07, 2008, 10:45:16 PM »
My brother just passed away on Dec.2.  I live in a different province but raced down gere as soon as I heard, Je was 19 yeasrs old. My parents are a mess, as are my other brother and I, we are a very close family, but i am so hurt eight now, I don't know if i'm coming or going. it feels like someone took my heart out and ripped it to shreads, it feels like my world has no more color and i can;t breathe, I feel like the time is just standing still and not moving, I feel as though a part of me is gone and it hurts so badly, that I am ill....is this normal? Should people go on depression drugs? I want to see him or talk to him.....I wish he would come see me. I s this normal, to want to see a gjohst? I just want to see his smiling face and tell me he's ok.

kevinjj

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2008, 05:48:20 AM »
Hi Laurie - I was so very sorry to hear about the death of your brother. All that you feel right now is totally normal. there is nothing wrong with you at all. Part of your mind, soul and heart is suddenly gone from you and there is no other way to feel except deeply hurt, numb, confused, sad, angry, lonely, lost, afraid, numb, unsure of yourself. you are just now coming out of shock so it is real important to take care of your physical health and find ways to share what you are going through and not keep all these feelings tucked inside. Check out a grief group, look into counseling, talk to family and any close friends that will listen. Be sure at some point in time to get a few of his things to keep forever. If extreme anxiety continues, talk to your doctor and it is ok to take medication for a while. My wife died and I used a sleeping pill for 6-7 months so my health wouldn't get wrecked. Im really sorry your brother has died and there really are no words that will make you feel better and not hurt but know that you are not alone on this new and unwanted path your life has taken.

laurenE

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2008, 07:27:24 AM »
i agree with Kevin.  Those overwhelming feelings are very normal right now.  It has not been very long at all for your grief.   I am so sorry for your loss.  19 is so young to be taken away.   

Please continue to post here about your feelings. This will help make the feelings less intense,  once you can get them out.  Also talk to supportive friends and maybe even a counselor.    I saw a counselor for about a year and  a half after the death of my mom and I dont know how I could have coped without it. 

Again  i am so very sorry for your loss.   You are not alone in your pain. 

Lauren

Linds

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2008, 07:30:31 AM »
Hi Laurie. My brother just passed also. I found him yesterday. I don't know what to do either. I just want to see him to. I want to see his ghost and i want more than anything for him to tell me it's ok and "no worries" his favorite slogan when anything happened or wasnt going right. I keep trying to tell myself that it's going to be ok. And someday  I know it will, but right now it feels like my world is ending and i just feel that if I saw him one last time and he could just tell me he is ok. I would be able to do better. My heart goes out to you and your family.

jamiesquared

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2009, 05:48:55 PM »
I came across this website looking for a book on the loss of a sibling, and I guess I finally feel normal now...knowing that I am not alone.   I got a phone call on 19 December 2008 from my sister telling me my brother had been in a horrible car accident.  We were planning to drive down from LA the next day for the Christmas holiday.  So instead of going to my parents we went to the hospital.  No one would tell me anything on our drive to CO, but when we got there I was told that my brother had a blood clot in his brain and his only hope was a miracle.  The next two days were grueling, but eventually we were told that he would never wake up.  My parents took him off life support on 22 December.  He was just 45.  I talked to him a week and a half before this, and I joked that he was a lucky guy getting to see me for Christmas.  He never got to see me!  I would give everything I have for one more hour with him.  We were 17 years apart.  He was the best big brother anyone could ever have, and I know he was so proud of me.  We emailed every single day at work, and now I wait for his emails, but they never come.  My husband tells me that he would want me to be happy and I know that but I just can't find it in me.  I am really trying, but my thoughts go back to him.  To all the great times we had, and knowing that if we ever have children they will never get to meet him.  Knowing that no one will call me a "Sh!t bird" ever again.  I am so angry!  Why would this happen to him...why would a caring God take him...  I am waiting for the toxicology reports to come back from the coroner's office to see if the guy that caused the accident was drinking (the police suspect he was).  As long as I am doing other things I am fine, but early in the morning and late at night it is the worst.  I just want to talk to him, to ask him if he is okay, to make sure that I was a good sister, and to hear him laugh one more time!

Luvinmike

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2009, 08:56:37 PM »
Dear Jamiesquared; i am so so sorry. Your brother sounds amazing. We all care here about you, and you have a loving husband, that is good. My husband died suddenly eight months ago- his five siblings are struggling but improving with time. By improving I guess they are more able to share a memory of our Mike without being swept away by pain and grief. More able to be grateful for all we have had with him, rather than what we have lost.
 We have three teens and our daughter was able to say, "I had the best Dad in the world for eighteen years, I ache to be with him, but I'm glad I had him as some kids never get that." So insightful I thought. Well, i wanted to share these thoughts with you as my husband's siblings reminisce and cry with me sometimes, and it helps us to talk about our loved one. Please keep posting and sharing thoughts about your wonderful brother.
Thinking of you. Terri
 Prayers also Laurie and Linds, hope you are doing alright. post when you can.

lulu84

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2009, 10:15:37 AM »
I want to express my sincere condolences to those who have lost their brother or indeed any sibling or loved one on this thread.
I came across this forum looking for my own answers and realise that I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

I lost my brother on 4th October 2008. He was 26 years old and died of a brain haemorrhage. He was the fittest, healthiest man I have ever known, he never smoked or drunk alcohol but lived life to the full. He would always be doing things I wouldn't do and I would say to him "Why are you doing that for?" He would always say to me "Well Sis, you only live once!" and those words still ring in my ears.
I spoke to him about an hour before he collasped and was rushed to hospital and despite just being made redundant and not being allowed to see his precious daughter for a year who he worshipped the ground that she walked on, he was still the positive go getter i've always known him to be.

When they told us at the hospital that there was nothing that they could do for him, they asked if we would consider organ donation. From getting the most devestating news of your life, you've now got to make the most important decision of your life. As a family, we decided to make a positive decision and now 4 people including a 12 year old girl are living on because of my brother. He is a hero of the highest kind and there aren't many life savers out there -  but my brother is one of them.

We are such a small close family that this has shattered us. I did everything with my brother right from small children, to the day he died and people often commented on how close we were. I haven't any other siblings.
I feel so many of the same feelings that you've all mentioned, anger, disbelief, numb, confused. How can someone so full of life now not be here?
I know that people say that you never get over the loss of your loved one, and I don't think I ever will. We've got to try and learn to live with our loss. I feel like I can't move on from this but people tell me I will and I will get back to normal but normal is never going to be the same again.

If you haven't already seen a counsellor, I would recommend seeing someone. Don't dismiss it completely as I was very sceptial but after 4 sessions, I'm starting to understand how I think and what I think.
The best therapy is to talk, talk to your family, friends anyone who you confide in. You'll find yourself talking forever and realising things you've not thought about before and remembering some great memories. It is quite an enlightenment.

I could really write a whole book on how I feel at the moment and also about my brother. I just know that there are so many cherished memories that we've all got to hold on to and they are up there looking down on us all telling us not to be sad. One day we will see them again and smile and laugh together.

A tribute to those guardian angels of ours.....our brothers and sisters.....Rest In Peace.... we love you xxxxx

Luvinmike

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2009, 05:27:53 PM »
I loved your post. Thank you for writing. I'm sorry about your brother. Terri

BigSis

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Re: My brother just died
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2009, 09:16:39 AM »
Hi All

The feelings of confusion, sadness and complete disbelief is common to all of us. It is completely normal and the grief seems to be coming in waves. Some time you are normal and some time you completely break down. I had read awhile ago some thing about the meaning for the word brother or sister  in sanskrit. It means one who was with you since you were created (as eggs in yr mother's ovaries) and shared the same womb. 

The loss of a sibling is so hard because we are all connected from a deep cellular level. We have to heal from this intense sorrow and value the living and the good memories.