Author Topic: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?  (Read 3048 times)

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« on: December 07, 2008, 06:47:08 AM »
Adam is foremost on my mind. I wake up to him, throughout the day my thoughts turn to him and before I go to sleep my last thoughts are of him. I don't think that anyone else in my family thinks of him as much as I do. I want them all to mark each 6th of the month as an anniversary of his passing like I do. I can't speak to my husband and children because I cry and they get upset. I want them to have this burning desire in them to never forget, to visit his grave, to want to name their children after him. I fear that he will fall in the background only to be thought of ever so occasionally.
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Dena

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2008, 07:53:10 AM »
No.   My family talks about Josh all the time - sharing their memories of him. I really don't see many of my son's friends anymore, but those who do remember him mention him by name.

Don't let them forget. Talk about Adam.  Some people are actually afraid to talk about our children - they feel they would upset us.  It upsets us more to NOT mention them.  So you are giving them the okay by talking about Adam.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2008, 08:40:31 AM »
Paula,

Dena gave great advice.

I talk about Tammie when ever I feel I want to. I say her name sometimes I smile sometimes I cry.

I think the people around you seem to think if they don't say their name you won't think about him. Let them know it is OK, please say his name.

I like you, have Tammie on my mond all day and most of the night. Just the way it is.

Hugs,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

Jeanneb

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2008, 10:14:26 AM »
Paula,

That worry of people forgetting Philip has come at times over the years.  But when I talk about him people perk up and then will share stories or how they miss him.

I think you just have to be the icebreaker by talking about him and letting others know that it doesn't upset you but fills your heart with warmth and love.

I now have grandchildren who each remind me of him in different little ways.  One of them has his name for their middle name and he is sooooo much like his Uncle Philip.  They are all still very small but I have talked about him and shared his pictures with them and my little 2 yr old granddaughter points to his picture and says his name and also has pointed to him being in the house.  NO, I didn't see him but she certainly does.  My other 3 grandkids are all 1 yr old and I show them his picture and talk about him. 

He is apart of this family and they need to know what a wonderful person he is.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2008, 06:21:25 PM »
Thank you all for your kind responses. However, I do talk and bring Adam up all the time. People (even more own immediate family) let me talk and they don't add anything to it and it is just never reciprocated by anyone. That hurts so much.
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

tsoley

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2008, 07:37:56 PM »
I do anything and everything so as not to let anyone ever forget my son. I talk about him, i visit his grave, my family members talk about him. I admit that in the begining I was afraid that people would just let him go off into the sunset for fear of upsetting me. Many people are still afraid of upsetting me, but I try to let as many people as possible know that it is more upsetting to not talk about him. I would much rather people say his name and talk about him everyday.
Tammy (Jordan's Mom)

SueH

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2008, 02:53:42 PM »
Hi Paula,
I do honor my daughter on her death date every month, and it's going to be almost 7 years this December.
My immediate family does with me, but it is ME that goes out and buys the flowers and the balloons and makes the big deal out of the day.
I don't know if they would do it, if I didn't.  I would hope that they would. But I know that I  can not  tell anyone how to grieve.
I think what I'm hearing from your post, is that YOU want them to grieve a certain way and you can't do that for them. I know you don't want them to forget. But again it seems more of what YOU want... who knows what they want? I feel that we are all here on our OWN journeys, we all have to do what we all feel is right for us, for oursleves. I also feel that no one will ever forget. Even if others are silent it doesn't mean that they have forgotten.
Sueh
"yep yep yep"

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2008, 09:36:03 PM »
PAULA,
  we. talk about CANDI  still. but she's on my mind 24/7. i miss her soo much. i've told one of my aunt's one day that i feel like it's a puzzle. & if there is a piece of a puzzle missing then why would you want to finish it. candi's not here so sometime's i feel like why should i go on.

sending hug's,
martha

Terry

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2008, 10:09:33 PM »
"I want them to have this burning desire in them to never forget, to visit his grave, to want to name their children after him. I fear that he will fall in the background only to be thought of ever so occasionally."

Paula, I know of this 'burning desire'. How could we 'not' want our children to be remembered?

For whatever reason others have to not mention our children, it still can be very hurtful. Some will say they don't mention their name in fear of upsetting us. Well, we're already upset and I've found that some are just uncomfortable, not all, but some.

And, I also understand how painful it can be, especially when we have 'asked them' to talk about our children. Sometimes it's very difficult for others to give of themselves. It's at these times, when they are thinking of their 'own' comfort or discomfort.
It 'never' hurts.....to be KIND!

I even had a good friend who is no longer in my life because she was, at least, honest enough to tell me that she was "uncomfortable around me" because my son and her son were best friends, and if 'it' could happen to me, then 'it' could also happen to her.

It's up to me to keep the memory of my children alive. And, I do in every day and in every way.

I printed out an article to give to family and friends and they really appreciated it and it contained the Do's and Don't's when you are supporting someone you love who has lost a child. It really helped me, Paula and others who really wanted to help.

I've been looking for it, it's been so long, because I wanted to post it on here for you and anyone else who would benefit from this caring article.

I'm still searching and promise I will post it as soon as I find it.

I understand everything you're feeling, Paula and my heart goes out to you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and sending my love,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Do you ever fear people forgetting your Angel?
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2008, 10:12:14 PM »
((((((((((Martha))))))))))