Author Topic: Losing Eddie  (Read 5928 times)

forever3

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Losing Eddie
« on: September 16, 2008, 08:02:52 PM »
It's been a year and a half since losing my brother Eddie, and it seems like yesterday.  The pain just won't go away, to make matters worse, I lost my grandson Wade 5 months after losing Eddie, and then a year and 10 days later, I lost my mother.  The hardest thing for me to get over is my brother dying in my arms.
Linda

go4jen

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2008, 12:29:47 PM »
How awfull, I am so sorry for you. My sis died a litlle over a year ago too and we had alot of other bad things happening right after the other. Sometimes it seems like we are a target for some reason. I cant tell you anything about it getting easier...it doesnt or has not for me, but i will keep you in my thoughts. Just take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, thats all you can do. Jennifer

laurenE

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2008, 04:46:55 PM »
forever3 and go4jen,

Welcome.  I am so sorry for both of your losses and your other pain as well.   I hope you find comfort here on this board. 

Please continue to come back and post

Lauren

Linds

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2008, 09:20:10 AM »
I lost my baby brother yesterday. I found him. I don't know how you have managed to go on, but you are an inspiration to me. I feel lost, confused, hurt, i just don't know what to do. I can't eat, I can't sleep. The only time i feel comforted is on here, knowing that people are going through this and even if never gets easier they survive. I just wish someone would have some magic cure or answer to make it seem OK. I wish I had the answer for everyone to make the hurt go away. I just want to hug everyone. Seems crazy, but thats how I feel. I just want to hug people. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jeanneb

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2008, 11:59:30 AM »
Linda,

I am so terribly sorry for your losses.

It all is just too much, my heart breaks for you.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to have your brother die in your arms... so so wrong.

I lost one of my brothers 12 years ago and my youngest son 5 years ago.  Miss them with all my being every day.

Sending you strength and remember baby steps and deep breaths will help you put that one foot in front of the other each day.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

kevinjj

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2008, 09:31:36 AM »
I too am so very sorry to read of your losses and having to be with us but know that you are not alone, we all understand your pain and know what you are going through. It is so difficult and we get caught up in waves of grief that just come out of nowhere, especially when we are not hurting, it comes back so fast. Don't hesitate to join a grief group, that can be of some help. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

waterdragon

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Re: Losing Eddie
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2008, 03:03:08 AM »
I lost my brother 19yrs ago. It must have taken a decade before I found I was in a 'good place' about it.
The depth of sadness I experienced cannot be described. Some days I just prayed for the strength to get through the day and find peace in sleep. Losing a sibling is a long journey to acceptance. I found I had to support my mother's emotions as well. This was hard and it created some distance between us for a while as mum became angry and I was the target. Mum sought professional help and our relationship found an even keel again. We became very close.. now my mum has recently gone. I feel she is with my brother. I am grateful he was on the other side to receive her. I used to experience weird dreams about my brother where he would visit me, we would talk like old times, I enjoyed his company in these dreams even acknowledging that he was dead while in the dream. Then the awful thing would happen, I would wake up.. in tears, and feeling desolate for I had been in such a happy place for a while
The dreams persisted for a few years then disappeared. UNTIL, six weeks before my mum passed away suddenly. I feel he was there to let me know that time was short with mum and that he would be there for her at the end. Now I no longer have dreams about either of them. I feel alone without my dreams but perhaps they are together and happy.
Losing my sibling has made losing mum hard. I have had to do everything on my own. I have no cousins or other relatives beside a daughter (who leads her own life). I also don't think it is right to burden my daughter and her husband with my grief. Now I doubly miss them and I kind of think when I go it will be a bit of a blessing. I am tired of missing my family. I have no-one to reminisce about what life was like when we were kids. There is no-one left who grew up with me. No-one to share the past. I have a husband who I married ten years ago, but he didn't know my brother or me when I was a kid.
You asked how long it would take for the pain to lessen... it is it's own master. The pain is part of grief. If we don't experience the pain of grief we are not moving through grief. We have to reshuffle our life, our thinking and the way we regard our family position. It is a long process and takes time. I think that is why people say time heals. It doesn't heal at all... it gives us time to regroup and find a way to make life bearable again. It gives us time to learn how to live with the gaping wound we have in our hearts.
I think about my brother and mother every day. I miss them every day but I am learning to live with this and as I do I find I am becoming used to the pain and it becomes bearable. After it becomes bearable I can then find ways to enjoy the precious gift of life that I still have.  We are here for such a short time we need to find a way to incorporate our grief into our lives,  not let it cripple us.. to do that would be to waste our precious time on this earth. I have learnt to live through the grief, knowing that it is possible to do so.. to be sooo sad one minute, laughing the next at something current. We are resilient aren't we.

I hope you find your journey bearable. It teaches us something, lots of things too. Awful way to learn isn't it.