Author Topic: Bad day.  (Read 4863 times)

Kevins Sister

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Bad day.
« on: November 13, 2008, 08:50:48 PM »
I am having a really bad day here. All day my wonderful brother Kev has been on my mind. Who am I kidding, he seems to always be on my mind. My brother has been gone 6 months this month and I can't believe that it has already been six months. It just still seems so crazy for me. And ever since I seem to have fallen into a terrible depression. I have not left my house in months, except to go to work. I haven't gone anywhere else. I get my sister in law to go food shopping for me once a week and my husband to do all other errands for me. I have not seen any of my friends barely all I want to do is either sit on my couch and watch t.v. or sleep. I find myself going to beed earlier and earlier. From 10 to 8 now to 7. And sleeping for 12 hours. I am so darn tired. I have not called any of my friends or talked to anyone besides my husband, sister, or 2 brother's. My twin brother Tom who lived with my brother Kev and was the one who found Kev dead in his bedroom is at my house every night because he doesn't want to be alone either. He lives with his girlfriend but says he feels the most comfortable with me at my house, he just started counseling which is  a great thing for him,I think if anyone needs it he does. He walked in and found the guy he looks up to more than anything like that. I have these 2 friends who live down the street from me, they are husband and wife and I used to walk down to their house every night almost to watch our prime time shows. Well I have been in such a funk and having a bad couple of months I have not been able to get over there as much as they want me to. They keep calling and saying "what you don't like us", are you mad at us, constantly making me feel bad about not going over there. I keep telling them , no this has nothing to do with you. I am just having a bad time of it. I have found myself constantly defending myself, I have also written many emails to them explaining everything and she said oh I understand. Well that understanding seemed to last about a week before they started over again. They keep giving me a hard time about not coming over there. I mean I already feel bad as it is. Then on Halloween I was taking my son trick o treating and stopped by their house. Probably the first time I had gotten out of the house in a long time. They asked me what I was doing that night. My brother Kev had/has a best friend that is also having a hard time. She called me and asked me to come over to her house that she was really having a bad time. If anyone knows how we are feeling she is one of them, she loved my brother Kev very much, so anyway I told them that. A couple of days later my brother Tom is taking my 2 year old son for a walk and she stops him and says, We don't here from your sister anymore, she doesn't like us, what did we ever do to her. She went over to Lorie's on Halloween and didn't come by our house, I guess your sister picked who her friend is. Now if anyone can help me with this please do. Is that not the craziest thing in the world. Is the point of all their complaints about them. The most used word in their complaints are, us, we, us, we, me, me, me. I mean my god. I feel like I am drowning here in sadness. My husbands father is dying from lung cancer, he has 6 months to live. My husband and I have to take him to daily radiation and monthly chemo. My wonderful, loving, kind, caring brother is gone. I will never get to see him ever again! My mother in law who along with my father in law are like parents to me passed away last year. Is it me? Am I being a terrible person?
When  they were having a tough year when the husband had back surgery right around the time that their daughter was getting married, who is also a good friend of mine, I was there for her everyday. I took her grocery shopping every other day, Took her to her doctor's appt., paid for some of the stuff for the wedding shower because I knew that money was tight for them because he was on disability. Am I wrong to ask for them to be there for me at this time when I am in so much pain and to understand that I am just not up to doing anything right now. That to just bear with me until I start to feel alittle better. I just can't believe it. My sister is so mad at them because she says they think the world revolves around them. I don't know what to think. Maybe someone can give me advice. And maybe let me know if this feeling that I have of not wanting to do anything and always sad will ever start to at least lift alittle. I know that I am in some sort of depression. I have know these friends of mine for a very long time.

thumper65

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Re: Bad day.
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2008, 11:59:21 PM »
Kevins Sister,

I feel your pain. It is a physical and emotional pain that I could not before Saturday understand. On Saturday the 8th of November 5 days ago I found my 45 year old (seemingly healthy) sister dead in her recliner at her home. Since then I have gone through the motions of a funeral and a burial but am so numb that I cannot even function. We lost our father a last year. I don't know how to be there for my mother. She and dad were married for 47 years. He died the day after their 47 anniversary. Now my sister. How do we go on? How do we stop crying? I feel like I am dying inside.

Kevins Sister

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Re: Bad day.
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2008, 08:27:07 AM »
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I know that the beginning it seems so strange that none of this can be real. I still think that everyday. I cannot believe that I will never see my bro again. All I know is that nothng seems the same. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

laurenE

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Re: Bad day.
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2008, 10:52:21 AM »
Kevins sister,

I too am so sorry for your pain and loss.   During grief we sometimes do want to stop going out as much but what you describe could be what we call clinical depression.  There comes a point where depression becomes more than just the situation and  the only thing that will help us get out of that is to see a dr for an evaluation for possible medication temporarily.   Also have him check your thyroid. 

Because you havent been out of your house in so long  to socialize and  because the tiredness is getting worse and you are sleeping an abnormal amt of time most days,  then I highly highly recommend you see a Dr and a counselor.   Statistics show that one will recover more quickly from dep when both counseling and med are used.   

good luck and i hope to hear from you again

lauren

Kevins Sister

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Re: Bad day.
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2008, 10:53:03 AM »
Thank you very much. I can see that I am suffering from depression and I know that before my bro passed away I was what you would call the social butterfly. My sister being in the same mood as I am alot of the time did go to her doctor. We are a very close family. We did everything together, my family and I, and this loss of our brother has hit my family sooooo hard that it seems that we all are in the same mind set. So anyway my sister went to her doctor and they prescribed her welbutrin(spelling ?) and she said that it was very good but had to stop taking it because it gave her chest pains. I do know that maybe with counseling and meds I will be able to start feeling myself again, but the problem is I just feel most of the time that I can't be bothered to get up and do it. The only thing that keeps me up and out of the house is my 2 year old son. That seems to be the only reason I really want to get out of the house at all. Thank you for your advice and I know that I have to do that .