Hi Lavonne! It's so good to hear from you and to see your beautiful Jason.
"The If onlys will destroy us because we cannot change it."
No, we cannot change the awful truth that our children have died. And you know, because I've probably shared it a thousand times, that I "Live by the Serenity Prayer" and the knowledge in it's meaning that has always kept me grounded.
During this journey, I have grown to accept that I have and always will-have, much to learn. It is truly a never-ending process. Almost like a book that someone has started writing, well, it will never be finished, never an ending because none of us know what the ending will be. We can just continue to write of our experiences. The ending will ultimately...write itself.
As you also know, I too have a Granddaughter. My Jeff's beautiful daughter. The more time that passes, the more my thinking has changed from her being my 'reason for staying here because she needs me' to...I love her dearly but I don't 'live' for her. Because when all is said and done, I will be alone with 'me' and what I've personally accomplished and dealt with and if I can feel complete by the choices I've made, lived with...the goals I've set, the dreams I've dreamed and hopefully, lived to fulfill. At the same time I don't want to imagine life without her...sounds conflicting, I know, but I think you understand where I'm coming from.
This has taken me on another journey of soul-searching and of discovery.
I'm sorry to hear of the trials you've had to bear recently and I do hope that you're taking good care of yourself and that very soon, you'll be on the mend!
And I think that you're 'very good' with words Lavonne, as you have always expressed your heart-felt feelings in a way that has always touched my heart. And I thank you for your honesty, and always...your concern.
Thank You for just being here. It really does mean so much.
And thank you, I 'have' enjoyed the sunshine, literally...it was hot in Florida today.
It does come in the other form, but lately very dark clouds are hovering. I must admit that I'm running on my reserve right now. (Happy that I've kept it full)
Thinking of you and Jason and sending you a Big Hug and Lots of Love!!
Terry