Author Topic: dad's health  (Read 8061 times)

Irene

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dad's health
« on: October 10, 2008, 10:05:32 AM »
Hi,
   Over the past almost four years, this has been a wonderful site. I can't express how much the people here(all who I had never met), helped me when my mother died. This is one of those times, that I just felt I would write in and hopefully just talking about it would help.
   My father has multiple schlerosis. Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and sent to the hospital. He remains there now. He has been greatly weakened by the pneumonia, and is mainly bedridden, partly because he is physically so difficult to move, and the other part due to the fact that the nurses are so busy.
Since he's probably about 95 per cent deaf, his day is spent looking at the walls and having visitors come in for short visits.
   There are no local nursing homes available, as the waiting lists are so long, and even though he would love to go home, we realize that his physical care can no longer be handled by our brother as it has got to be too much. Our brother has looked after our dad, since our mom's death in November 2004.
   Today, I was told that the doctors have found a cyst in my dad's lungs. It may be cancer, but they have chosen not to investigate further, as it would be too invasive for our father. My brothers and sisters have said that our aim is to make our father's time as comfortable as possible.
   I struggle with the guilt of feeling that our father's quality of life(boredom, inability to get around) is not being enhanced by us. We should be doing what we could to fix it. My brother told me today, that finding out if this lung mass is cancer would only cause us to worry more; best just to not know. He's probably right.
   Aging, does not look good right now. Thankyou all for listenning.


 

laurenE

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2008, 10:45:58 AM »
Irene,

I was saddened to hear the news of your father.  What a tough decision to make...to know or not to know.  I'm not sure which way I would go either.   
It does sound as if his quality of life has deminished lately and I am so sorry for that.   Such sad news to hear today. 
Know that you get extra hugs from me,  as you have been here for me for many yrs.   
Continue to let me know how he is doing, and you as well.

Lots of hugs,
Lauren

kevinjj

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2008, 02:50:18 PM »
I am sorry to hear the bad news Irene. It is plain to me as an outsider that you are doing all you can for your Dad and your presence is of comfort to him - he can remember your first words as a toddler  and doesn't necessarily have to hear you today - just being there is good for him and yes, it often does reach the point where 24 hr. professional care is needed and that in itself is devastating for the family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Irene

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2008, 08:01:02 PM »
Hi,
   Thanks Lauren and KevinJJ for your replies. These last few weeks have been stressful, and just thinking about that road that I went down about this time 4 years ago, when my mother's health was failing, is very scary.
   To both of you, your words are a source of comfort. It is Thanksgiving weekend here.
Hopefully things will get better.

patty

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2008, 09:04:08 PM »
    Sorry to hear about your fatherīs situation Irene. How old is he?  I think I agree with the doctors, with what he is having to cope with now it would be better to not investigate further.  If it was serious would you really want to subject him to surgery or other severe treatments?
    Visit as much as possible, comfort him, read to him even if it seems heīs not listening, just be there.  May God give you the strength. 
    Holidays always make it that much harder.  You must be in Canada?
    Another member who has been around for several years, regards, Patty
   

Irene

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2008, 05:10:32 PM »
Hi Patty,
   Thanks for your reply. My dad is 81 years old-although he looks quite a bit younger than that. We would not subject our father to surgery. His lungs are weakened by the MS, and I doubt he would survive surgery at this point in time.
   Thank you for your advice. I struggle with the guilt of wanting him to be home where he would be happiest, and realizing that at the hospital, he is getting better physical care than we could provide at this time.
   I do live in Canada. Thank you.

georgiapeaches

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2008, 06:34:09 PM »
Irene, My prayers are with you and your family.My mom is 85 and going through pretty much the same thing. She doesnt want to be here anymore and its heartbreaking for everyone, most of all her. So I hope your father is resting comfortably tonight. Take care.......Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

laurenE

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2008, 05:43:33 AM »
Irene,

I will continue to keep you and your family in  prayer... for strength to handle anything that comes your way and for Gods will.

  Thinking of you and all of the  family memories that this Thanksgiving season must bring for you.

hugs,
Lauren

Irene

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2008, 05:37:29 PM »
Thank you Lauren,
   You have become a special friend. I appreciate your prayers. My father has always had a strong faith in God, so I know that what ever happens his faith will carry him through.
   Thank you.

MommysPreciousAngel

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2008, 12:21:53 AM »
Hi Irene

So sorry to hear about your dad, it sure sounds like you've suffered enough, and now there's more to come.
I was wondering what your dad says in all of this?  Is he able to make any decisions at this point?
I know my husband's grandfather is 90 and he is in a nursing home.  Also bad hearing, trouble remembering, and nothing but the wall for company.  It's very sad.  Can you maybe put a small tv in his room?   It's so hard, and I wish there was more I could do or suggest.  In my thoughts.
Life is not about the amount of breaths we take, but the moments take our breath away.

tsurandy

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2008, 01:18:24 PM »
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Peggy's Boy

Irene

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2008, 07:28:53 PM »
Hi,
   Mommy's Precious Angel-Thanks for your comments. My dad has a tv in his room, which is often on. The tv gives him a bit of a distraction here and there, just really for the moving pictures, since he is deaf and would never have had an interest in a storyline of a show anyway. I hope that you have had some happiness on your birthday. I do like your comment about only having the wall for company-really because it is such a true statement.
   Thank you too Georgia. The decision today was to put my father in a nursing home. The hospital feels that our father is not needing to be there for medical reasons, and they believe our application for rehab will not be accepted.
  Thankyou as well tsurandy.
    The prayers must be working. My daughter had been complaining of a painful stomach last weekend, and we thought it was a virus. She has a very high pain tolerance, and until she fainted at the pharmacy on Tuesday, we did not realize the seriousness of her condition. It turned out that she had a burst appendix, and from test results it had occurred likely a few days before this. She is still in the hospital,
and will miss school for another week, but at least she is on the way to recovery.
Thanks to all for your comments.

MommysPreciousAngel

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2008, 02:08:31 AM »
Wow, Irene, it never rains, it pours, as they say.  Why is it that things keep going wrong?  Sorry to hear about your daughter - my mom had a burst appendix many years ago and she nearly died from it - it poisoned her whole body.   So I am glad to hear that your daughter is on the road to recovery.  Best of luck with the nursing home for your dad, hope it's comfortable for him and that you are all at peace with the decision you have made - I have no doubts you are deciding in his very best interests and because you love him so much, you want what's best for him.  Be strong and take care. xx
Life is not about the amount of breaths we take, but the moments take our breath away.

georgiapeaches

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2008, 05:20:14 AM »
Irene, My goodness, I am sorry your daughter had to go through that ,and you what stress that must be. It never seems to stop. Everytime my phone rings or I go to the mailbox I cringe, and not with excitment! I hope your daughter feels better soon, and I hope your father is doing well. And you-get some rest so you can take care of your daughter when she gets out of the hospital. and take care of yourself.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

laurenE

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Re: dad's health
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2008, 10:05:26 AM »
Irene,

Goodness!  I too am so sorry to hear about your daughter.  Please keep us informed on her condition.   

lauren