how do u deal w/birthdays??

[llpp]

My mom passed away in june, her birthday is this Wednesday. How do I handle this? I more then likely won't go to work. I would not be able to function probably. BUt I don't want to be home alone crying all day. any advice?

[Irene]

Hi,
   It's just my opinion, but if you are feeling that going to work will be too difficult for you, then don't go. If you feel up to it, then you could possibly visit with a friend or a
relative, who understands what you are going through.
 In the first few months especially, I would journal, sending my mom letters of things I wanted to say. I really found this helpful. I also would buy her a gift, such as a flower that I could plant to remember her by.
 I didn't seem to feel better by visiting her gravesite, but if this is something you would like to do, that is an option too.
  I feel for you. I remember just how painful this can be. Please know that we are here to listen.

[llpp]

my mom didn't like the idea of being buried. We went with cremation. I have a small keepsake from the funeral home. its about a 2inch X 2 inch heart "mini urn" per say. My dad had the big one. She always wanted to be w/ my dad...so he said when he dies, he wants to be cremated and then they can be together. We made the right decision. I feel if she had a gravesite she would be "alone". I know that sounds funny. but my dad even feels a comfort that mom is home. He still has not taken it out of the velvet bag it is in. I can understand. But I am glad I have my keepsake.

[Hope]

I've learned to just "go" w/my feelings since my mom passed.  I'm very non-committal at this point in my grief.  I just tend to do what feels right at any particular moment.  If you know that going to work that day would do more harm by not allowing you to live through the emotions you're bound to feel that day-just don't go. I was/am very lucky to have a boss who gave me & continues to give me as much personal time as I need.  I hope that you have a "safe" workplace as well.  Like Irene, I also journal to help me through this grief.  It does help to let it all out as it comes out through my pen & then helps later as I re-read it.   Was there anything special that you & your mom liked to do together?  Maybe if you didn't go to work on Wed you could go out & do something special that you used to share w/your mom. 

That's really special that you have your keepsake.  We (my sis & I) also had my mom cremated but then decided to have her ashes interned in her church columbarium wall.  She now sits immediately to the right side of the cross. I haven't gone even once back to her church to see her.  I think that if I had a keepsake like yours, that immediately after her death it might have bothered me somewhat but would've have brought more comfort after I accepted that she was gone.   

Thinking of you during this difficult time.  -Hope

[DianasMemory]

It is hard to deal with birthdays. . .MY mom passed away in June 2007.  I thought things would be different NOW.  What I did on her first birthday without her.  I did something she would want to do in order to celebrate her.  I have to say I have been in a rough patch lately and miss her terribly.

Remember to do what you need to do on her birthday if that is missing work to make then miss work.  Take care of yourself that day I am sure she would want you too.

[laurenE]

On my mothers bday I still buy a bday cupcake for her.  Maybe you can plan to get together with your family and have a nice dinner.   Or with friends.    Go out to a place to eat that you dont usually go to, or perhaps to your moms favorite kind of place.

I remember how hard it was right after my mom died.   Her bday was just 2 mos after she died.   

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Lauren