I had a very vivid dream that Michael was alive, but had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He didn't have much time to live and they had whisked him away to a doctor far away that might be able to help him. In the dream, I didn't see him, I just had gotten phone calls about his condition and that he was far away at some mysterious doctor's. He didn't call me, just medical people. In the dream I was driving mountain passes and roads and talking on my cell, desperately trying to get information so I could go and see my son. Nobody would give me any real information as they said he was in good hands and needed to get treatment without family present.
I awoke at 5 am, just sobbing and I haven't stopped yet. It feels like the first week after Michael died. I have longed to dream about Michael and wanted to see him in a dream. In this dream, I didn't see him. But he was clinging to life somewhere and they wouldn't let me know where. It was a nightmare and it's so hard to deal with. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know why he was diagnosed with lung cancer, he didn't smoke. Maybe it's because I've been recovering from whooping cough which I got 4 months ago and have been through so much with my lungs. I only know I feel like I've lost him all over again.
My eyes are so swollen, but I guess I'll go to work. Friday is the last day of school. Then it starts all over again on Aug. 20th.
Thank you for listening. I knew I could type this here and feel like I'm heard. I've stopped crying, at least for now.