Author Topic: Cruel Cancer  (Read 46931 times)

Luvinmike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 876
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #60 on: October 24, 2008, 04:52:19 PM »
thank you kevin as it adds an extra large burden of grief and pain as you blame yourself for notpaying close attention, but mostly the agony of thinking your loved one might have lived longer. I have been able to mostly reconcile this emotionally thru my Priest and accepting that i am not a doctor -period. And doctors are human, they typically do more good that harm, but some of them do a very poor job.
My husband had a serious condition, but the doc may have been able to help him meet his goal of our middle son's graduation 1.5 years from now. That is how brave my husband always was about things, always thinking of others. He said it would be healthier for our son to be out of high school prior to losing his Dad. The doctor did not take his situation seriously enough and even shoo-ed me out of the room for asking too many questions. He told me not to investigate my husband's incurable disease- I told him how I felt and he will never forget us, but it doesn't bring my husband back for the meager year and a half he wanted. A good doctor may have put a defribrillator in my husband's failing heart and he might have lived longer. there are no guarantees of course, but i only like people willing to learn. Willing to admit they do not know everything. This guy was so full of himself. He told me how he has kids same age as ours, I couldn't help it, i told him i hoped his wife never had to feel anger towards a doctor on top of unbearable grief. It was months i thought of meeting him in front of the hospital to confront him further- finally i realized that i needed to honor my loss, not waste one second on this idiot, instead focus on my husband and the man he has been. I am doing better about it all now, but once in a while my grief takes that road of rage and i have to crawl back from the anger and sadness of, "What might have been..." and not blame myself. Our kids can't deal w/ me like that so i do the best i can. Thanks again Kevin- i appreciate the reply- hope Jeff will be okay, it will take some real time. Terri Thinking of you all as usual.  :-\

meemaw

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 31
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #61 on: October 26, 2008, 06:48:35 PM »
I have been reading the comments about  cruel cancer. My family has been touched so often by cancer.  They accidently discovered my mother's stomach cancer and did surgery, that gave her 4 years(her words). When the cancer came back it did so with a vengence. She died 6 weeks later.  My husband survived 9 months after his kidney cancer moved to his lungs. My father had surgery for colon cancer.  I  am a breast cancer survivor.  In Sept this year my 3rd brother died not from cancer but from an illness that slowly takes you. One month later a woman I worked with for 19 years died from a rare liver cancer.  My second son is going through a divorce ( the lst son's divorce became final in May this year).    I am now almost back to square one on the grieving scale again.  Your family is suppose to grow not diminish, but I  feel like  I will never be able to feel happy again.   I'm the oldest child of the family so I am the  one gets to plan funerals.      I have also had family members who nearly died because doctors would not listen and check with other doctors who could have done a diagnous.    I believe when some one feels something is not right with them that they need to demand the doctor do a complete check up.   I guess no matter where you live you have doctors that do not listen or do not care.     I know everyone handles grief differently and the time tables for all of us are not the same.  My husband has been gone 2and half years and i have not gotten back to anything near normal,even if I could figure out what is normal for me.  But I do know that if you can at least go some where (like here) to unload to people who know what you are living  that at least helps some.  Even if you just have a good cry among     friends.     Thanks a lot for listening.                          Meemaw

jhooknc - Jeff

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #62 on: October 26, 2008, 09:24:36 PM »
   I have no idea what I would do without this site to at least put my emotions out there for someone to look at.   None of us are alone and we all have such similar stories.   Yet, with those stories comes hope of which I've had the pleasure to experience.   
   Cancer is a medical windfall profit issue.   Drug companies have a vested interest in not finding a cure.   Why would they...hell it cost over $1.5 Million for my wife's treatments.
   Yea, I'm pissed...and yea...the records are now in the hands of the best malpractice firm in the state.   Something is really wrong with the medical profession...and guess what...there are lots of us entering retirement and will need more medical attention...hum...think it will be done right?
   I'm OK.  But there are too many stories now about similar situations that everyone needs to be more alert and tell others the same.   
   Cancer needs to be cured...not just treated...doesn't work!!!

Ruddick

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #63 on: October 27, 2008, 09:02:14 AM »
I feel your anger about cancer.  I believe 100% that my Mom got her cancer from HRT.  She started to take it after my brother was born and was on it till she had cancer.  Up until that time, her doctor never mentioned she could get cancer from it.  He was too busy getting the vacations and kick backs from the pharmaceutical companies.  After she found the first lump, he said it was nothing.  It wasn't until it grew bigger did he do something about it.  Even after a Mamo, he wasn't going to do anything about it.  My Mom went for a second opinion and that is when the ball started rolling. 

After my Mom passed I found out that her Mother has passed from the same type of cancer.  (It isn't hereditary though in this case.)  My Grandmother was 57 when she passed... my Mom was 63.  There is a 50 year difference between the deaths.  I am so angry because my first thought was, "Are you telling me with 50 years of research, the meds only prolonged my Mom for 6 more years???"  Where has all the research gone???  What the heck have they been doing for 50 years!?!?  I just want to yell about it.  It is such a big money maker.  I don't think even if they had a cure they would release it.  Cancer makes millions a year for greedy selfish people.  One doctor/researcher told me they have made great strides in maintaining people... why are we so focused on maintaining rather than curing???  I just don't get it.  Why aren't they studying people who manage to not get it or people who have had it and keep from getting it again.  I just can't believe how much money has been put towards cancer and there is nothing.  No one can ever tell me that Chemo is the answer.  I saw it kill my Mother and make her weaker and weaker. 

Something needs to be done.  The researchers need to be modified to make a cure, not a maintaining drug.  I hope some millionaire who loses his loved one finally does something about it.  My biggest question is where does all the money go.  Look what they have done for Aid in only 10 years or so... why haven't they done the same in 50 years?!? 

As for your pain, I understand.  I breakdown everywhere.  In stores, in the car, at the park... you name it.  I just let people look at me... I don't care.  Sometimes I do go an empty isle.  My Mom always taught me not to judge people because you never know what that person is going through or what is happening in their life.  My whole house reminds me of my Mom.  I want to keep everything of hers.  I know she would be saying to get rid of this ... someone else might need it, but I can't.  I packed her apartment up and put half in storage and the rest in my garage.  I am going to try to put as much in my house a possible. 

I also talk to my Mom in my head all the time.  Things will pop up in my head and I am hoping they are messages from her.  Sometimes I can almost hear her saying the things.  When we were out and I saw something that I didn't know if I should buy, she would always say,"buy it now, you don't know if you will be here tomorrow... enjoy it now."  I hear her say that all the time now.  It just hurts though... I cry about everything.  Well, I have managed to start crying now, so I am going to try to calm down.  Thanks for listening and know that someone shares in your pain. 

jhooknc - Jeff

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #64 on: November 05, 2008, 02:45:28 PM »
   Might need the support of this site again.   Hope not.   Doctor's found a lump in my daughter's breast and they are doing a complete cancer test on her tomorrow.   She's only 26 with a son age 3.   Trying to be positive for now.   Don't even want to venture into the darker realms of cancer again.

Luvinmike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 876
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #65 on: November 05, 2008, 04:35:42 PM »
Jeff you and your family are in my prayers. Praying your daughter will be ok and soon... Sincerely, Terri

kevinjj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 605
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #66 on: November 06, 2008, 06:21:13 PM »
Here is hoping that it comes out totally benign - my thoughts are with you Jeff.

jhooknc - Jeff

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #67 on: November 07, 2008, 06:43:30 PM »
Daughter's testing all came back negative.   Thank God.   Swear sometimes doctor's just over react, but then that's probably a good thing.   Just glad to not have to face another battle with the unknown.   My daughter is so relieved.

Donna B.

  • Guest
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #68 on: November 08, 2008, 04:03:48 PM »
Jeff, I have already told you how happy I was that your daughter got this good news. I know you must be so relieved that all the tests were negative. It is so hard to go through one death from cancer and think there might be a chance of another long road with another. I know because I have been there and I am just glad you didn't have to experience this. I just hope this will give you some peace of mind and help you with your grief. You are in my thoughts as always. Donna

jennieb1307

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #69 on: February 18, 2009, 11:22:05 PM »
I know that this message was posted a while ago, but I am so sorry for your loss. We just lost my mother to melanoma two weeks ago. She would have been 51 on February 25. I still cannot believe it. Right now we (I have one brother and one sister) are just trying to spend a lot of time with my father. He took such good care of her for the past 17 months. I initially tried to help and go to appointments, but I could not mentally or emotionally handle it. I feel absolutely horrible that I did not keep going. My mother was my father's life and we really worry about him. My brother is the only one that still lives at home, but does not stay there very often. I have a family of my own, a nine month old baby and husband. My sister has a five year old. I am not even sure what I need to help myself get through this. I am still in such shock. I knew that she was sick and I knew that this was coming, but seeing her deteriorate was horrible. I never could have imagined. She also was extremely healthy pre-diagnosis. I just don't get it. My Mom's name was also Nancy.  :'(

Luvinmike

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 876
    • View Profile
Re: Cruel Cancer
« Reply #70 on: February 19, 2009, 05:49:43 AM »
jennieb1307- We are all so sorry to hear of your dear Mom. You must be confused and struggling as you have a baby also. You have a lot on your plate. Please know that there are not right ways to grieve, but one proven thing is to talk about your loss. Writing here is a great first step and we hope you tell us more about your Mom, Nancy.  Sincerely, Terri