I feel your anger about cancer. I believe 100% that my Mom got her cancer from HRT. She started to take it after my brother was born and was on it till she had cancer. Up until that time, her doctor never mentioned she could get cancer from it. He was too busy getting the vacations and kick backs from the pharmaceutical companies. After she found the first lump, he said it was nothing. It wasn't until it grew bigger did he do something about it. Even after a Mamo, he wasn't going to do anything about it. My Mom went for a second opinion and that is when the ball started rolling.
After my Mom passed I found out that her Mother has passed from the same type of cancer. (It isn't hereditary though in this case.) My Grandmother was 57 when she passed... my Mom was 63. There is a 50 year difference between the deaths. I am so angry because my first thought was, "Are you telling me with 50 years of research, the meds only prolonged my Mom for 6 more years???" Where has all the research gone??? What the heck have they been doing for 50 years!?!? I just want to yell about it. It is such a big money maker. I don't think even if they had a cure they would release it. Cancer makes millions a year for greedy selfish people. One doctor/researcher told me they have made great strides in maintaining people... why are we so focused on maintaining rather than curing??? I just don't get it. Why aren't they studying people who manage to not get it or people who have had it and keep from getting it again. I just can't believe how much money has been put towards cancer and there is nothing. No one can ever tell me that Chemo is the answer. I saw it kill my Mother and make her weaker and weaker.
Something needs to be done. The researchers need to be modified to make a cure, not a maintaining drug. I hope some millionaire who loses his loved one finally does something about it. My biggest question is where does all the money go. Look what they have done for Aid in only 10 years or so... why haven't they done the same in 50 years?!?
As for your pain, I understand. I breakdown everywhere. In stores, in the car, at the park... you name it. I just let people look at me... I don't care. Sometimes I do go an empty isle. My Mom always taught me not to judge people because you never know what that person is going through or what is happening in their life. My whole house reminds me of my Mom. I want to keep everything of hers. I know she would be saying to get rid of this ... someone else might need it, but I can't. I packed her apartment up and put half in storage and the rest in my garage. I am going to try to put as much in my house a possible.
I also talk to my Mom in my head all the time. Things will pop up in my head and I am hoping they are messages from her. Sometimes I can almost hear her saying the things. When we were out and I saw something that I didn't know if I should buy, she would always say,"buy it now, you don't know if you will be here tomorrow... enjoy it now." I hear her say that all the time now. It just hurts though... I cry about everything. Well, I have managed to start crying now, so I am going to try to calm down. Thanks for listening and know that someone shares in your pain.