Author Topic: Will I ever understand?  (Read 3237 times)

cantundrstnd

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Will I ever understand?
« on: July 29, 2008, 12:01:24 AM »
On May 18, I lost my brother. He was 17 months older than I, and as many brothers and sisters, we had a very competitive relationship as children, but as we got older, we became very close friends. So many times, he was my best and only cheerleader. He had many demons that he struggled with, but always had time to listen to his little sister's trouble, however trivial they might be.
On that unforgettable, unchangeable evening, he took his own life. I wish that I had been able to be there for him, and I wish that I had given him more time, and told him how proud I was of him, and how much I loved him. I wish that I hadn't gotten so busy, too busy to sit and talk to my brother... So many things that I would change..
I am finding this so hard, and impossible to talk to family about. My parents are seperated and I can't find it in myself to talk to them and add to their own grief. I have two older brothers, but they are involved in their own families and are of course struggling with their own grief.
I am sorry for the loss of so many others that I see posted on this website. It's an awful thing to see so many people with sadness as common ground. In comparison, my struggles seem to pale. If anyone out there has any words of wisdom for me, or any advice on how I can help my family, please share them..

laurenE

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Re: Will I ever understand?
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2008, 05:20:12 AM »
I am so sorry that your brother lost his battle with mental illness at such a young age.  So often we dont know a person is depressed b/c they dont want us to know, especially men.     Please dont blame yourself.   It wasnt your fault.

We could all sit around going through  our  "What if"  or "if only" list.   But all that will do is keep us stuck in our pain and in our own depression.    He didnt want anyone to know how depressed he was.   There wasnt anything you could do.

Everyone grieves in their own way.   Dont compare your way of grieving to anyone elses.   Just let it flow the way it needs to flow for you.    There will probably be mood swings amongst you,  irritability,   short tempers, etc.    Give each other space at times,  and support as well. 

Im so sorry you have to be here in this place.   

Lauren

charlesafather

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Re: Will I ever understand?
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2008, 06:58:51 AM »
I am so sadden by the loss of your brother, I to Lost a older brother last april 07 and it hurt because we did not see each other much /distance>faimlys, and just trying to make time. i did get to see him a few monts before his passing. but my world was rocked in Aug-07 when my youngest son was taken from us due to a sevier auto wreck. I am struggling with my own pain and grief now however I do know that my other brother and sister ( even though bussy with there own faimlys and griving ) have been more than genirous as to have me to visit and hold each other. at my first losses I withdrew but have found that our faimlys will always be there in our darkest times please get togeather and talk and enjoy the beautiful memories of your brother.
                                prayers and peace for you
                                              charlesafather

lostwithouthim

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Re: Will I ever understand?
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2008, 09:38:25 AM »
I wish I had words of wisdom for you.
I lost my brother back in Feb pf this year. He too ,was an older brother. His death came after a long illness due to an auto accident. I think about my brother everyday. Never does a day go by that I don't think of him. I am sure you will be the same way.
Hind sight is 20/20 if we all had it then we would have different lives. Don't beat yourself up over this.
Your brother wouldn't want that.
I wish you peace with your lose. I know that seems impossible .