Oh Brenda, I feel your pain. Our little Ian, my grandson just died MArch 5, and I have so many what ifs..you did nothing wrong, Brenda. I feel guilt over Ian';s death, anger that I live, and he died. Anger, loneliness, unsure of how to proceed living. So many questions without answers, when answers are what we so need. Grief this fresh, this raw, is like an open wound..it neeeds a lot of time to heal, and a lot of tears. This board has already given me a lot of strenght, and I have met some wonderfully compassionate people that have taken their pain and anguish and use it to comfort others. This board is so wonderful as people UNDERSTAND what you are going through, and that in itself means a lot to me. remember the joys of your loved one..it helps me. Kat