I find that I'm having such a difficult time these days...
I obviously have moved forward in so many ways, and still I feel that the raw sorrow is so difficult and contradictory to what is going on in my life currently.
I have had another child after this loss. Many well meaning people, when I have tried to speak out about my loss to, have said I am being unfair to my child who is here.
Yet, some days when I do hold my little one (6 yrs old, and special needs) I wonder what the personality and look of Taylor would have been.
My husband (we're newlyweds) is tremendously supportive, and again, I feel terrible because I'm feeling down and disconnected because of my losses. He has held me as close as he can, whispers in my ear that I'm right where I'm supposed to be... but it takes the happiness we are sharing and kinda dampens it and I feel so guilty and confused. We are so happy, and strong. When I miss Taylor, I feel like i'm ripping him off from the love I usually am able to share with him. Like as if, I am doing myself. him and my little one a disservice in the here and now because of the burden and pain of my past.