Keith Miles Dickinson. May 4, 1986 - August 5, 2007 (21 yrs.)
Scott Edward Lance Dickinson. March 5, 1979 - January 30, 1984 (4 1/2 yrs)
Although I will forever grieve the loss of my first born son, Scott, in my heart I need to acknowledge the passing of Keith right now. On anything I might post, I will indicate "mom of Keith". But I am the mother of 4 children, Scott, Holly, Wade and Keith - always and forever.
My husband and I met in highschool, I was 15 and he 17. We got married in our early 20's and had Scott the following year. After a very normal pregnancy, the labour and delivery were difficult and Scott didn't breathe initially for 7 minutes. There was, of course, profound brain damage and throughout Scottie's short life he was very fragile with a severe seizure disorder. I was so angry at God and yet I prayed all the time for him to "fix" Scott, at least make him well enough to come home. At 6 months, he was transferred from an acute care hospital (which piqued my desire to one day become a nurse) to a long term nursing facility that cared for the province's most precarious babies/children. Through seizuring, Scott had become blind and deaf. Out of necessity, he was on so many medications to control the seizures that he was mostly hugely sedated. On any given day, he required resuscitation at least once during seizuring as he would just stop breathing. We dreamed of being able to bring him home one day and the Christmas before he died, there was a small amount of improvement and the staff had been able to wean him off a couple of meds. We began to hope. Then, in January he developed pneumonia again and was too tired, weak to fight any more. His little body tried so hard. On January 30, he died. I did not get the chance to say goodbye. I was very angry that the hospital did not call me so I could have that opportunity. With all we had gone through, I felt so gyped that I couldn't even have that.
Between Scott's birth and Holly's almost 3 years later, I miscarried twice going into the 2nd trimester. I believe in my heart that it was Mother Nature's way of concluding that I was not ready to have another child....I wanted a "replacement" child for my Scott that couldn't be home with me. These were very sad years and I really thought that I would be unable to have more children. But Holly was born in 1982, Wade and 1984 and Keith in 1986. All healthy and the joy of my life. They have always been very close because of their ages and Keith's passing is extremely difficult on them as well.
Keith was always a beautiful boy. When he was very small, at an age when most kids are just learning to string words together, he was talking in full sentences. (I'm not bragging that he was a genius or anything but his language skills were amazing.) People used to stop me places and ask how old he was. I'm sure it has a lot to do with being born the youngest and needing to make himself heard with an older brother and sister. From an early age he was a jokester. He loved to make us all laugh. When he got into school, that's what his friends remember most fondly - he desire to make people laugh and be happy.
The 2nd half of highschool was sometime difficult for Keith. Life dished out some cruel stuff and he became sometimes bitter and angry. He did enjoy his many friends though, and while he didn't think much of school he did enjoy playing on the rugby team. After squeaking by and graduating, Keith had a few different jobs in the "trades" and eventually got hired on where my husband and his older brother, Wade, work. He really loved this job and the people there. It was sometimes hard working with both his dad and his brother (being the youngest) and he felt the need to gain some independence and so moved into his own place, which he did about a year ago. He had his own apartment for a few months before finances forced him home for awhile. Keith had been struggling with some issues in his life and was trying to make some positive changes for himself. On the long weekend in August (in B.C., Canada we have B.C. Day on the first Monday of the month) Keith and a group of his friends left for camping about 3 hours away from here. They friends he was with would later tell us that he was having the time of his life. He commented to a couple of them that he was having the best time ever. It was a beautiful hot and sunny weekend. He was with great friends. The Tulameen River was cool and they floated on rafts, rode ATV's, drank beer, enjoying each other's company. On Sunday, after an evening of riding the ATV's they were jut about to put them away for the night. The group said that they had been careful about drinking and riding the machines and had only had a couple of casual beers. Each time someone went for a ride they wore a helmut. Keith decided, before they got put away, that he wanted one last ride and he took off without a helmut on (not that it made a difference.) It may have meant that even the "casual" drinking had allowed him to make an unsafe choice or maybe it meant that he was just going for such a short trip he didn't think it was necessary. We'll never know. He was only gone a very short time before a truck pulled up to their campsite and said one of their ATV's was lying on its side on the roadway. When the kids rushed down to where the ATV was, they realized what had happened. ALongside the road is a 150 foot cliff. Keith must have hit a pile of dirt that was in that particular spot or a pothole and was ejected from the bike and over the cliff. He landed in the Tulameen River below where he drowned. The fall did not cause his death and he didn't even have a broken bone. By the time his friends were able to find and get to him, he was already gone. They tried desperately to help with CPR. You can only imagine the depths of despair of these kids. They were made to remain at the campsite overnight for their own safety by the RCMP. They said nobody spoke a word. It was absolute silence. Each living in their own disbelief and imagined guilt. I hold no anger towards any of them. It was an accident. An accident that only Keith was involved in. A terrible tragedy.
I learned of this after coming home from working a nightshift at the hospital. I had stopped for groceries on the way home because my husband and I were supposed to be starting holidays after one more nightshift. When I got home, I brought my work stuff into the house and returned to get the groceries. An police car was just pulling into the driveway. They asked me if I was Keith Dickinson's mom and I felt my heart flutter. Wanting to believe the least horrible, I asked if he was in jail. I don't think they even said "no" to that but they wouldn't tell me anything. Just to come in the house and wake my husband up. I was beginning to panic and I could feel my throat constricting. It only took a minute before my husband was in the living room with us and they said that Keith had been in an ATV accident and hadn't survived. After that, I don't really remember the day. I had to go down to Wade's room and tell him and then call my daughter and tell her the police were going to come and get her and that her brother had died an an accident. I will never forget that.
Within a couple of hours, the kids started showing up. Holly's, Wade's and so many of Keith's. They were everywhere...inside and on the front and back lawns. I can't say what a comfort they were. Some stayed overnight the next week or so. We were never alone. Of course there was family and our friends as well, but the young friends meant so much. The friends that had been with Keith that weekend had many stories to tell and lots of pictures to share. I am forever grateful for that.
A couple of weeks later, one of Keith's best friends, Jemma, and her immediate family had been about to celebrate her mom's 50th birthday and were going to ride a hot air balloon. The celebration turned into a horrific accident when the basket caught fire while rising in the air and Jemma and her mother were killed. All the other passengers managed to get out, with various burns and injuries, but the visual of the basket aflame and knowing that Jemma and her mother were in it was devastating. These kids, many of whom were experiencing their firm traumatic death with Keith's passing, now had to endure another in such a short time. Jemma was wearing Keith's memorial T-shirt in the balloon. This terrible event, reported and shown over and over again on every news channel really complicated mourning for Keith. There is a video on
www.youtube.com and you can look at a memorial wall painted by a couple of Keith's friends. When you get to the youtube site, key in Keith Dickinson and it will come up.
This weekend will be 3 months since he's been gone. Sometimes I believe it. Sometimes its just too surreal yet. I am obsessed with anything on the "afterlife". I have been reading Sylvia Brown, etc. and have seen the same medium twice. I find some comfort in that. I do not follow an organized religion (brought up Catholic) but I do believe in God and want to explore my spirituality.
Thanks for listening.
Wendy, Keith's mom
