after I realized I wasnt as alone as I thought I was , I tried to show my son a couple of topics to show him he wasnt alone, I asked him only once, and he looked at me and said your trying to make me mad again arent you?anytime I want to talk about his father to help him in anyway, or a therepist, he tenses up so badly and turns into someone I dont even know. My daughters up and run out of the room as if to say "here she goes again" I just wish I could help them, I just wish I could help myself. I never thought I would have to deal with this. I lost my father 10 years ago suddenly and that nearly killed me, my mother is 85 and in so much pain, so I know whats coming, its all to much, but my husband dying in his sleep, that was his worst nightmare, and it came true,and its so unsettling to me. The nights are very hard, I thought things would get easier, some days they do, some days they all come crashing in.It does feel good to get this off my chest, I do wish everyone peace.