Author Topic: Grieving children  (Read 4521 times)

georgiapeaches

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Grieving children
« on: June 25, 2008, 04:38:18 PM »
after I realized I wasnt as alone as I thought I was , I tried to show my son a couple of topics to show him he wasnt alone, I asked him only once, and he looked at me and said your trying to make me mad again arent you?anytime I want to talk about his father to help him in anyway, or a therepist, he tenses up so badly and turns into someone I dont even know. My daughters up and run out of the room as if to say "here she goes again" I just wish I could help them, I just wish I could help myself. I never thought I would have to deal with this. I lost my father 10 years ago suddenly and that nearly killed me, my mother is 85 and in so much pain, so I know whats coming, its all to much, but my husband dying in his sleep, that was his worst nightmare, and it came true,and its so unsettling to me. The nights are very hard, I thought things would get easier, some days they do, some days they all come crashing in.It does feel good to get this off my chest, I do wish everyone peace.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Geraldine

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Re: Grieving children
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2008, 06:04:58 PM »

Georgia, I am glad you are talking to us and telling us what is happening, some days are just unbearable other a little better, it will be this way for some time, steps forwards and steps backwards, however it will become easier, the in-beetween will be more frequent with less bad days.

I am not sure how to help you with your son if he does not even want to see a therapist,  some people here may have experienced the same problem and no doubt will be able to offer their help.
Perhaps you may have to see a counsellor who is specialized in young adult 's grief and explain what is happening and your son refusal to get help, she or he may give you a few tips on how to handle your son's grief.

With kind thoughts






Landons Mom Shelly

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Re: Grieving children
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2008, 10:27:34 PM »
Hello,

I read your post and it makes me so sad, I am sorry sorry for your loss and wish there was something I could do to ease your pain, and that of your children.  My three children lost their brother last year to a terrible accident in our home (I won't go in to detail but you can read my other posts) and I know what your son must be going through.  I've been on my own since I left my husband in October so in a sense, my kids lost a brother and a father . . .

Counseling does help, it helped my oldest son who is 17, he was 16 at the time he found his brother but he's been through so much since that time dealing with the divorce and other issues.  If you're interested, my son has a Myspace page and joined a mentoring group at his high school this year which helped him alot . . . I'm sure he would love to hear from your son if he needed someone to talk to . . . let me know, you can email me privately if you like at [email protected].  Take care, I'll be praying for your family tonite.

Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly
« Last Edit: January 15, 2009, 09:36:38 AM by Landons Mom Shelly »
Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly



My Precious Little Landon -- Forever in our Hearts        http://landon-greenan.gonetoosoon.org
August 1, 1995 - June 1, 2007

Luvinmike

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Re: Grieving children
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2008, 03:57:41 AM »
Dear Georgiapeaches;

 I agree with Landon's Mom that a grief counselor is a resource to try for. I know it is difficult to keep assertively seeking help when sometimes you just want to be alone to cry and try to console your own grief. I will say I got some help from Pediatrician ( mild tranquilizer for my daughter to take for two days)and the pediatrician talked with her and will see her next month. I also worked with my school system and found a counselor who could come to my house. My son was raging how stupid this all was and at the end of the meeting he told the lady she was, " Cooler than I expected." She wore jeans and just acted normal- not as my son feared, like a psychologist. Son is getting more relaxed.
My son has said he is sick of relatives and people looking at him like- "The kid whose father died." Our Pastor has been willing to talk to my teens, they are refusing church and him at the moment. Part of what seems to be working here is I don't pressure them, but I am available to them. I also have some young people from husband's job come over and casually talk with my two about the way it is here.
I try to get them out of the house- Melatonin and tylenol pm may be needed for sleep- ask Doc. also fiftenn year old can be asked to do some chores to pitch in, and he may feel some achievemnt for helping in this. Mine are a little older. Please keep writing and persist with school, and pediatrician for support- your kids deserve everything they can get for help, but you do have to push for it. Your son and kids will feel more confidence over time with you showing them how to keep going with a lot of love. Write here when you can, we are thinking of you all. Terri

georgiapeaches

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Re: Grieving children
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2008, 02:22:05 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words, I am going to see a therepist on July 7. I am going alone first. I think I have to take baby steps with my kids, there more fragile than I thought. I am glad that I have you to talk with, Thank You all.
MOM                        JOHNNY