I have the illness of fibromyalgia this started after a fall when two discs and my pelvis were damaged.
The two main reasons for this illness to start are injury and stress to my understanding, The injury started the fibro within 4 weeks after the fall. This is forever there is no cure and little medications to help. I am on a pain patch which most days hardly touches the pain but helps to keep me relaxed and able to get a few things done. There is 18 trigger points and I have them all, this effects my eyesight and use of my hands along with many other things, it makes it difficult to do nothing but sleep and think somedays. And of course my thinking always leads to the boys. This also causes depression which I fight everyday with, I refuse to let this send me backwards with depression and visit that pit of hell again. Awhile back I started mind over matter to help me stay positive and to beat depression, when the pain is at its worst and sometimes through tears I begin singing and I tell you my voice is horrible singing, can't stand it myself but oh well I am doing whatever works and this is working, I sing ...I am so freaking happy...even through the tears if I do this enough I start laughing and relax and make it till the next time, I have accepted this and learning how to live with this, we have to, if we fight it and let it beat us I feel the pit of hell will return along with the pain. Next week I see a phychiatrist to check on meds to see if we can help the pain more with meds, and to learn ways to cope with this pain when it hits, someday my song may not work so I want to learn all I can to help me through and live the best I can again someday.
Yes I do believe grief is a big part of what can happen to us in the future, does all illness come from the loss of our kids and grief I don't think so, but I believe some do. If we don't take care of ourselves when it comes to health I do believe we pay for it later as I am now.
The first years after my two Chad's died I lived in pain, stress, and took very little care of me. I could go days without showering and eating or sleeping. I was beginning to feel some life coming back about the 2nd year but stayed in the pit and slowly crawled out until Cory took his life 5 years later, I then found this board. I remember coming here thinking I was ok, I beat the worst pain with my son and I just needed a little help to beat this new pain. Well I was wrong, this board helped me to see how wrong I was I was in the pit deeper than ever. With alot of talking and reading I was able to pull myself up and out and I refuse to ever go back there again unless of course the worst thing happens and I carry hope everyday that I will never go through again.
I often think this grief I went through and pain may have set me up for the fibro but didn't start it to come full force like the fall did. All the doctors are saying the fall set it off but it could have been ready to surface for years and this caused it to. My doctor is also has increased my medication I was taking for depression and stress and anxiety, he is on top of this and helping me get through this also.
The sooner the better it is to crawl out of the pit of darkness when your child has died, I know this harder to do than say and that we all start the crawl in our time, this is not easy, for me it took several years when I finally accepted there was nothing I could do to fix this and want to live again. And after that it was a long journey to get to where I am today. Many ups and downs but never did I fall so far down back into that darkness, I don't think I have seen all ways these years have effected my health yet because of not taking care of me.
I also don't think we should blame everything on our grief, nor let anything go if you need to see a doctor. I do ask my doctor on many things if grief could have caused things to surface today and until this fibro other than depression and not sleeping the answer was no to my other health issues.
Rebecca this was a good subject, glad you started it. We do need to understand our illness and why or where it came from. That the doctor has to answer for us if he can.
I continue through my life today living with hope and love, hoping for better days with this illness also and with the love I have from so many family and friends I know I will survive. I also have many to talk to or let me vent outside the board today which I didn't have when the boys died, this continues to help me through, I am a venter and talker if not I would live in darkness the rest of my life, today I am a fighter and surviror, I can dislike or hate why I am survivor but proud of myself for survivng. I could not do this along or keeping it all to myself and I thank you all again this is how I heal.
My hubby had a heart attach a few years after our son/sons died, I do believe the added stress, depression, and all he went through emotionally led him to this. He had prior stress before the boys death and was being treated for it and these losses I believe was a big part in his heart attach. Hubby talked little or nothing those first years, the pit of hell was seen by me daily with him. Men don't talk much I understand this, today he talks more and he feels it does help to keep him out of the darkness or eating away inside like all this can do to us. Talk talk talk ....it is very big part on healing I see many things change in people when they talk not only in myself,
I can scream and do sometimes, I hate my boys died and I hate this illness, and something happens after that scream and I can find smiles again. There is so many people worst than myself and I find myself feeling at times grateful this isn't worse, but have to admit on days the pain sends me to ER for more help I don't smile or sing, I can easily say I can't take this anymore and give up, once I get the help I am up and out and ready to fight again and win.
There are healing boards out there for illnesses also, I have searched a few and just didn't feel the help I found here, I have been reading on my illness to try and understand it and how to help me through the hard days, I do vent alot sorry to say for those that hear the venting but so grateful those let me vent.
Well am I rambling again or what lol, some things never change do they
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I do hope this subject carries on, I think it is a important subject for us all, our health is important and how grief effects our health needs to be discussed more I see this today but didn't see it for years.
Thank you Rebecca and I hope you find all the answers your looking for and some healing to make this illness easier to live with, I know yours is forever also and not easy to change, with all we need to change, we can do it together and we will, I know we will, we have to.
Love
Deb