Author Topic: Still new to grief  (Read 6458 times)

lostwithouthim

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Still new to grief
« on: May 31, 2008, 09:22:36 PM »
I haven't read each and every post on here. I have read several.
It seems like in my family, I am the only one who really wants to talk about my brother.

I can't help it. I am 33 years old and he was 39. All my life I had an older brother. When I was born and came into this world. I already had a pre-made big brother. From the get go he was a part of my life. Now he is gone.

I feel like if I don't talk about him. I will forget something. I don't want to forget anything about him.

He was real, he was somebody. I sometimes feel like everyone thinks I was only his sister , so I shouldn't hurt or be bothered by his passing. I wasn't his mother daughter or wife, so why should it bother me.

Does anyone else undertsand feeling like that?

momofwatsonx

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Re: Still new to grief
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2008, 09:40:04 PM »

I have been reading your post in all the sections... I am so sorry that you almost logged off... I sometime get on read the post and there is nothing i can offer at that time because of my emotional state so i don't respond... I think we all have these days.........

I have talked to my daughter she is 2 years older than Josh, and she says that somedays are hard to talk about Josh than there are days thats all she does is talk about her brother to anyone who will listen... I talk about Josh all the time... I am even going to get a tattoo of his face on my left arm so he is always with me,,,the night of Josh accident all the quys he hung out with went and had  IN LOVING MEMORY OF WATSON X   tattooed on the arms they said now they are brother for life and they will never forget him...

Brittany has her brothers name tattooed on her forarm.... it just ght says Josh.... My youngest daughter who is 11 said that she was getting his name tattooed when she get old enough... she hardly ever talks about her brother to me or Brittany.. but she does talk to her best friend and her mom... I think she is scared she might upset me but i have told her anytime she wants to talk i am here.

the rest of my family doesn't know how to act... so they don't come over, call or anything its like we have a plague and they dont want to deal with it....

I say talk about your brother, keep his memory alive that way,,,, tell stories


the good ones the bad ones  you will laugh and cry but its all good... your brother would want that.

virgie   Josh mom



lostwithouthim

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Re: Still new to grief
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2008, 10:25:21 PM »
Virgie

Do you know what the worst part of losing my brother is? No one else will ever know what a truly wise, wonderful, big hearted, loving person he was. It didn't matter who it was he loved them. Because he loved Christ. He could put anyone at ease.

Now he is gone and if someone didn't know him . They won't ever know what a great big brother he was or what kind of person he was.

He was frustrated with his condition. He didn't complain He would say, Sweet Jesus, sweet Jesus.

At the very end he had started saying he was tired and he was ready to go. He was at peace with God. He knew where he was going. That has been what helped me the most. Knowing he felt that way.
I am the only person in my family that will go in my brother's room and sleep. Every one else avoids it because he died in there. It doesn't bother me. I go in his room and sleep. Maybe that makes me odd. I just want to be close to him. I am glad he isn't suffering anymore. I am not glad he is dead but I wouldn't want him back in the shape he was in. He has earned his rest.
My brother knew he was going to die when he came home from the hospital .
I can look back over it now and see it. Just some of the things he said to me. Looking back now I can really see it. Hind sight is 20/20 you know? I really don't feel up to going into all now but he knew. His health was getting worse he was coughing up blood. I think the Doctors told him something he didn't tell us. He would start to tell us all at different times things the Doctor had said and then he would stop and say. We'll talk about it later. There was a few times he would say , Sis you know I am going to go before you. I would always tell him Hush don't say that , don't talk like that. You don't know that. But at the end it was  SIS I AM READY TO GO I AM PEACE WITH IT. 
He came home from the hospital on 2-19-08. Before he came home he kept telling me. Sis I am coming home  whether the doctors want me to or not. I want to spend a few days with my boys. I don't want to die in a hopsital or nursing home. When I go I want to be home.
Now he never said all this together or in one conversation. He would just say it randomly.........
He died 2-26-08 @ 11:45 ( give or take a min. or 2) of congestive heart failure.


saba

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Re: Still new to grief
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2008, 05:10:42 AM »
do tell us all about your brother, lost, he is undoubtedly an extraordinary human being giving hope to those who he didnt evn kno like me, for, whenvr i m loosing faith in my prayrs  i repeat in my mind his words whch u told me in one of yr mails "God is never early, He is never late but just on time." (forgiv me if i hav not got th words in order)
 PEACE & lots of LOVE b with him & all of you my dear fellows in grief !
-saba
ps: looks like i hav talked too mch today

lostwithouthim

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Re: Still new to grief
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2008, 07:50:14 AM »
Saba-
I have tried messaging you and never received a reply. I do hope you are all right. I am still praying for you.

Jparks

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Re: Still new to grief
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2008, 11:18:05 AM »
Lost, I am sad for your loss. People who have never been through a close loss, can never understand what you feel. Losing a sibling isn't like a great uncle or 4th cousin passing away. It is close and intimate. There were day in the first year where my grief was so strong I thought I was going to die. A horrible horrible feeling, but as time passed it lessened a bit and became a bit more manageable. Don't hold back when you want to cry....let it all out!  I have cried more times in the last 2 years than in my entire life before that. God bless and have faith that your life will go on. You may find you are a stronger person than you know.