Author Topic: Dear Friends  (Read 5514 times)

Rebecca

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Dear Friends
« on: May 31, 2008, 09:33:00 AM »
I am alone in the house. I was earlier and my nerves were shaking so I went out and went to Wal Mart.  Well u can spend just so much time and money there so I had to come home.  My husband is playing golf.  I look at a pic of the four of us when we took a cruise to celebrate our 25th wedding anniverary.  J looked so handsome and so alive.  I guess I am more tripped today becuase we went to Temple and it always reminds me when we were there for his funeral and I kept  smoothing and touching the top of his coffin because that was where his head was.  I never got to see him.  As someone else wrote:  Be careful of what you wish for.  He was dead for approx 3 days and we were warned, it I looked at him I wouldn't ever remember him as he was.  So, again, as a dutiful wife and daughter I listed and never saw my baby again.  So looking at his pictures are especially painful to me.  I want him back so... and I know... not going to happen.  I ache.  Thanks for listening.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Kathy

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2008, 01:53:09 PM »
Dear Rebecca,

I understand that aching loneliness of missing our children. I have no words now, except to say I understand.

Love,
Kathy-Don's Mom

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2008, 06:51:04 PM »
((( Rebecca)))) it's all so sad and not right, our kids should be here....
Love, Brenda

momofwatsonx

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2008, 08:38:26 PM »
Rebecca...

I am so sorry that today has been a rough day.... It seems like when we are alone thats when we become overwhelmed, atleast thats the way it is for me..... 
my cousin died and last night was the viewing, it was like a ton of bricks came toppling down on me.... i held it together until I got home, but it was to much, today was the funneral and I didn't go I had a migraine all day and still do.... Tomorrrow June 1 will be the day that we burried Josh... and that same night my neighbor a dear sweet friend died.....

I wish you peace and comfort knowing that your handsome son is watching over you...
hoping that tomorrow is better for you

sending you a ((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))

virgie     JOSH'S MOM



how2moveon

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2008, 09:18:59 PM »
((((((((REBECCA)))))))))
I was the one that did "be careful what you wish for" . Let me tell you what happened to me as far as not seeing my son again.
The night of the accident His father(if thats what you call him) called me one hour after my son passed away. They live one hour from me.  When I got there the JP was just showing up to pronouce my son. He was still in back of the ambulance. I went to the ambulance to see him. First the shrieff said that I couldnt see him. Then he said "ok you can see him, But you cant touch him."  I was standing at the door. I could see my son with the white sheet over him.  As I go to get in, so that I could see him, The EMT said "I have a son that is 14. Can I please talk to you." I was very much in shock. " i screamed that I dint care about his son. Just get out of my way."  He pulled me to him. He said mam please listen to me. So I stopped and yelled "WHAT WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!" He said I just want you to think very hard before you make the choice to see him.  Something stopped me in my tracks, my attitude changed. And I said "you seen him, if it was your son would you see him, r would u let your wife."  He said "NO" he said " you dont want to remeber your son like this".  I said "ok" .. Our funeral home was wonderful and was able to have it open casscette. However he had sooo much make up on. But I didnt care. I could still tell his facial features, his hands, his fingers, his hair, and thick black eyelashes.
Now I am so mad at myself for not seeing my baby. I am his mom. I should see him thru it all. I have seen every other second of his life. Good or bad. Why was I so worried about my damn self. So scared to see MY SON!! How crazy is that. I gave birth to him. I made a BIG BIG mistake. 
Then some days I think if i would have seen him I might say that seeing him was a mistake also.  I dont think that any choice I would have made, would have been the right one.
bubba's mom
NO FAREWELL WORDS WAS SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU LEFT WITHOUT WARNING
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

tannersmom

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2008, 12:40:48 PM »
I too regret having only looked at one side of Tan's face.......I feel like I was a coward. My daughters both looked their sister straight in the face but I was frozen....I just couldn't.  Its three years later and I still feel I was wrong. I'll never know what the girls saw.  What a crappy thing to have done.  I loved her SOOOOO much and still do.  I couldn't bear to have seen how she suffered.

Donna Jasons mom

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2008, 07:42:04 PM »
Rebecca:
I haven't been here for a few days and just read your post.  I am so sorry that you are having such a painful day!!  I am hoping and praying that you will feel your precious son there with you and feel peace that you haven't known for awhile.  His spirit is still with you, talk to him.
One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)

Debh

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2008, 08:06:18 AM »
Rebecca thinking of you and sorry these days are so hard when we ache for our children to be here with us. Been having many of them myself, just unbelievable to me at times that its been so long and that they won't come through that door again.

I spend many days this past month of all the great times we had together, it helps to bring smiles through the tears for me. Seems like yesterday when my life was full of happiness and little sadness at times, lately it seems like ages and more sadness than happiness. the roller coaster ride I feel I am on doesn't come much now but when it does happen like you I ache, and want something I will never have, my boys to come home.

wish we all didn't live so far away from each other, on these days it would be nice to call someone and meet for coffee or go for a walk and be with someone that does understand and does get it.

Love
Deb

Annette

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2008, 11:00:40 AM »
Rebecca, I know how you feel about wanting your son. I ache for my son too. He was 24. I don't know if it will ever get more bearable.

My son was in a motorcycle accident and the coroner said he was crushed and mangled and that I should think twice about seeing him. I decided not to see him. Mostly I was happy with my choice because I remembered him alive and beautiful. But I've had many, many nightmares about the accident and often wish I had seen my baby, no matter how hard it was, and said goodbye to him and touched him and maybe I would've felt his spirit, I don't know. Too late now. I made the best choice I could at the time with the information I had, and I think we all did. We're too hard on ourselves because we feel that somehow we let our child down. No matter if we saw our child or not, it wouldn't change the outcome.

I ache for my son and all that he's missing in life. I wish I could feel comforted that someday I'll see him again. Others have that faith so strong and are comforted. But I don't know what I believe any more. I want to believe it.
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Brenda(Jessica's Mom)

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2008, 02:21:15 PM »
I know you are feeling like you missed seeing him one last time, but I know it was for the best. Jess didnt look like Jess, her face was so swelled up she looked like she had gained 200 lbs, barely tell it was her. It took me SOOO long to rid that vision of her out of my head. I wish I would have listed to everyone about looking at her car too, but nooo I had to see it, and THAT vision is still in my head. Sending you hugs, Brenda

ldmoody

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Re: Dear Friends
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2008, 03:45:57 PM »
Rebecca,

I am so sorry you have to go through what many of us have been through these past years.  My son's Angel date of two years is coming up on July 14th, 2008.  As iI was in the hospital with friends and family for 6 hours after my Russell boy's hit & Run, We thought that everything was going to be just alright he'll make it through until the doctor return to us 5 minutes later and said my son didn't make it. I fell to my knees and begged the lord to give me back my son but it was too late he as gone from us...
From the time I can remember the only glimpse I had of my son before he passed was returning from surgery and then the bad news came five minutes later. Yes I got to see my son after he passed.  He did look a little swollen but still looked like my Russell Boy. I must have checked at every scar I had known to put that in my head this is not my son he couldn't just live this earth this way..... I took time in trying to make some kind of sense why why?????  But I couldn't finally my sister came in and gave my son his last rites and asked god to recieve him in his kingdom of heaven... Even right now I am crying thinking about that day of sorrow when my son passed. It hurts no matter what it can be 1 year two years 20 years but it all hurts the same way........... I was in shock did not want no sympathy for myself I just wanted my Russell Boy back...  I hated everything I stand for as a mom ever since. My life has been a nightmare in out every single day and is still there.  I try to pray and ask the lord for healing and yet somedays are worsts than others.  What can we do we greive for our love ones and yet no one can understand but us about this..... Couple of days before his service My husband and I went to see him at the funeral home by ourselves. Again I touched him he looked just the same as my Russell Boy he looked like he was just sleeping peacefully and I wanted to wake him up.  The reality of having him gone is never been there for me. it hurts like hell beyond hell..... So yes whether you have seen your loved one or not it still hurts....... My son didn't suffer physical damage but all internal injuries. So we did have an open Casket cermony for my son.  At the service it was my children's time with him and all his friends and his little baby girl.  I spent that day at the funeral home along with my husband to spend this moment with him and not share him at all it was the best thing I did before the service had started.
When it was time to close his casket I looked at him and I told my husband he had hardly anything done to his face at all.  He was cold but yet I could hold his hand and touch his face like he was still alive. I miss him dearly for he was a wonderful son, a great Uncle, a great father and a great brother to his brothers and sister.  Russell Boy was the youngest of the boys yes we miss him very dearly.  I am planning a gathering for my Family and Friends in Rememberance of Russell Boy July 20, 2008 in his home town Hillsboro Oregon - Shute Park.  We will gather and remember Russell Boy for the person he will always be in our hearts.  I hope you find the comfort you need for we all have our times of grief and sorrow.  My heart goes out to you and your family and may the lord find some comfort in your life as you go on this passage of Grief.

Lots of Hugs


Lisa Moody

"Always Remembered - Never Forgotten"
Russell Alan Moody Jr. - AKA Russell Boy
Mom - Lisa Moody