Author Topic: HELP  (Read 4410 times)

lostwithouthim

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HELP
« on: May 30, 2008, 01:59:59 PM »
This is for my mom. My brother just passed in Feb. 08 .
I want to help mom. I love her and I don't like the hurt she is dealing with.I really want to help her but she is so angry. I know about anger I have my own issues. But anytime I try to help its never right. No matter what it is its not right and she don't hold back.
I know this is all related to my brother's death.

How do I help her when she takes everything out on myself, dad and sister.


how2moveon

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Re: HELP
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2008, 07:50:12 PM »
My son past away Dec. 07. About 3 months after he passed, his twin sister (14years old) and I got into an arguement.  Finally she told me. "mom you r so mad that Bubba died you keep taking it out on me. she said she felt like I was punishing her for Bubba's death. That was a huge eye opener. Of course at first I told her that wasnt true. But after thinking about it. She was right, I am mad. And i was taking it out on her. Sit down with your mom. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she needs an eye opener. She may not believe you at first. But just keep telling her. "mom I know you r mad, its ok to be mad. But dont forget you still have 2 children that need you," then we she gets mad for no reason just say " mom i am mad also, its ok"
bubba's mom
NO FAREWELL WORDS WAS SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU LEFT WITHOUT WARNING
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

lostwithouthim

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Re: HELP
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2008, 10:28:18 PM »
Thank you so much. It still hard for her to discuss my brother. I understand why she is angry. She probably doesn't realize how hard she is on all of us. Her blood pressure is a source of concern . Its always been borderline being high. I can not convince her to go to the Doctor.

Thank you.

momofwatsonx

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Re: HELP
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2008, 08:58:39 PM »
lostwithouthim   


I am getting ready to send your mom an email, but I didn't get her name... and also have you told her about this site?  do you want her to know about it? 

virgie           JOSH'S MOM



lostwithouthim

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Re: HELP
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2008, 09:07:13 PM »
Yes, I told her about it. She is expecting an email. I will probably have to help her with it. She isn't very fast at typing.

Believe me she needs someone to talk to. Someone who knows what it is to have to walk the long road she is on.

I just feel like I don't help her at all. I brought her anger  up to her. She said she isn't angry all the time, shes easily irritated.

John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Re: HELP
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2008, 06:29:38 AM »
     I so very sorry to read of the death of your brother. Can you please share (if you can) how he died.
     Please accept my deepest sympathies and condolences and please relate these to your heartbroken mom. I know how difficult it is to see your mom suffering so much even while you are also suffering such a terrible loss.
     Your mom is suffering tremendous physical, emotional and mental pain after the death of her son. All of what she is feeling is very “normal” after the death of a beloved child. There are many emotions that surface after this terrible event. Some of these emotions surface immediately, and some surface after the “shock” of the death begins to subside and the harsh slap of “reality” begins to take hold.
     All I can tell you is to be there for your mom, tell her it is OK to feel the way she does. It is IMPORTANT that you allow her to go through these feeling and emotions.    
     Help her take care of herself (and take care of yourself too) make sure that she eats properly, sleeps and even gets out and does some walking or some other form of exercise. If needed, make sure she sees her doctor or grief counselor. This can help tremendously and will help you too.

I hope this helps you a little and remember, tell your mom that we understand and are here for you both.

Take Care & God Bless,
John-Danielle Marie’s daddy
Always on my Mind and in my Heart.
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

Donna Jasons mom

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Re: HELP
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2008, 08:06:29 PM »
Welcome, lostwithouthim,
First, let me say how sorry I am that your brother passed but I am so glad that your chose this board to come to.  There are alot of caring and wonderful people here.  I can only speak for myself, I lost my only son, 24, on Dec 15, 2004 in a car accident.  Everyone grieves in many different ways it's very much an individual journey.  I know you and your whole family is hurt and suffering in your own way.  Maybe your mom just doesn't know how to deal with anything right now.  There are definate stages that you go through and anger is one of them.  When I lost my Jason my daughters would not talk about it because they didn't want to upset me and I'm glad that you are at least trying to talk to your mom about your brother.  It will help her in her healing.  The only way you can help her is by being there and being available when she does want to talk about your brother.  Be patient with her and give her lots of hugs.  She may not seem like herself right now but always remember she loves you very much and together you will all get through this journey.  Come here as often as you want to there will always be someone available.  When you are able to we would love for you to share more about your brother.
One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: HELP
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2008, 05:57:33 PM »
lostwithouthim, I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother... I hope your mother can come here and vent, share, and find some comfort, anger can be a big part of grief and sometimes you just take it out on anybody because you just don't know what to do with it... I am very proud of you for coming here for help for your mother... God bless you and your family,,,, love, Brenda