Author Topic: New to the pain  (Read 3852 times)

lostingrief

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New to the pain
« on: May 29, 2008, 08:06:56 PM »
My situation is complicated at best....but I am here because I lost my soul mate on 11/19 of this year. We have been best friends for 16 years but it was only the last year that we shared how much we loved each other and how we wanted to be together forever. I am currently in an unhappy marriage and our plans to reunite for good were to come to fruition when I finished school. Unfortunately, God had other plans. I am in so much pain for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start. My children are the ONLY reason I haven't joined my love on the other side. I grieve in secret because my husband has no clue which makes this so hard. Luckily we sleep in separate rooms cause I cry myself to sleep at night. I hope that you don't judge me based on our situation. This man and I would have been together years ago if life didn't get in the way. Our timing was never right and when we finally professed our love I was forced into a marriage of convenience for the well being of my children. I just hope our story doesn't take away from the validity of my loss. I have loved this man with all of my soul since I was too young to know what love was. He was my rock and my strength when my life was spinning out of control. And now....well I'm spinning again but there's no one there to stop me. He was the last man I harbored any faith in and now he's gone. I have been through so much pain that this is just the icing on the cake. Sometimes I wonder....how much longer??what will it take before I am sitting in a corner rocking backing forth oblivious to the world around me. 
« Last Edit: May 29, 2008, 08:48:34 PM by lostingrief »

sweetpea

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2008, 10:37:36 PM »
Dear Lostingrief,

 So sorry for your loss... We are not here to judge. It is quite apparent the pain you are in, and the your suffering is all too real.  All I can ask of you is that you hang in there!!!! the love of your life would not want you to sit in a corner rocking back and forth, being oblivious to everything that surrounds you.

He would want you to live your life, even without him.  If not for yourself                  live for your children they need you. Pray and ask God to guide you....to give you strenght, he is always there for you, anytime you need him....just call on him and he will answer.

"The best bridge between hope and depair.... is often a good night's sleep.
It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God's hands and leave them there. Cast your cares on the Lord and He will Subtain you.

 My Prayers and throughts are with you, Sweetpea

lostwithouthim

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2008, 05:23:16 AM »
Its not my place to judge you and I won't. At least you know you were loved and you're best friend knew the same about their self. Some people don't even get that out of life.

I don't when the hurt of losing someone subsides and we are just left with their wonderful loving memories.I think it important to remember to,  Thank God you did have your best friend.
 I do know this ,  you can't keep all of your hurt bottled up. Nothing good can come of that. I have found just posting and talking to other people if only on the internet helps.

You keep posting and maybe that will  keep the rocking chair and oblivious stare at bay a while longer. 
I know about thinking , 'It can't be much longer now before, I am locked a way wearing nothing but a smile and white jacket. '

Geraldine

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2008, 12:16:46 AM »
No one will judge , first it is no one place second to judge is not to know, we are all different and have different situations.
All griefs are valid, it is very real and so hurtful, . Please do not feel guilty for loving your soulmate, love is love and I am so sorry for your loss.

You have done the right thing by posting in this site, people her understand and will try to help you through, it is not always easy to be able to talk to the people around us and be understood, here we are like a big family bonded by our grief.

I will keep you in my thoughts

nancy lea

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2008, 09:25:28 PM »
 :)  I truly believe we are here trying to stay sane.  Just after my mom's passing my step-dad asked me how I was doing.  I told him "oh just trying to act sane so they don't carry me out of here".  I think I'm still trying to do that.  So thankful to have company.  I am wondering where my mind is though.  It certainly isn't all here !  In prayer for us all, nancy

saba

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2008, 02:54:30 AM »
"trying to act sane so they don't carry me out of here" nancy lea has said it for me tho i now kno i m no actor so God hav mercy...

nancy lea

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2008, 01:54:32 AM »
amen to that saba

nancy lea

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2008, 01:59:16 AM »
lostingrief ... i live in that kind of relationship also.  i am so thankful though at least not to be completely alone.  My kids (38 and 35) do keep me from doing anything completely crazy i think.  i hope you are doing better.  i'm in a valley at this point, bawling a lot, and just plain grieving.  i'm looking forward to the next mountain and pray for some sanity there.  in love and prayers, nancy

mzmallory

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Re: New to the pain
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2008, 07:09:10 AM »
Just remember those who judge don't matter and those who matter don't judge!!

Just hang in there, you know that he would not want you to continue your life like this. He would want you to keep on living and enjoy what you have.