Author Topic: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????  (Read 5193 times)

Landons Mom Shelly

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Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« on: May 21, 2008, 10:38:45 PM »
Hello my dearest friends . . . I am sorry I haven't posted in so long, please know that I am here quite often checking in on everyone, things with me and my boys' lives have been going okay I guess, but still battling through a nasty divorce that I had hoped would be long over by now (just seems to drag on forever  :( )

My little Landon's 1st angel date is soon approaching (June 1st) and I'm starting to panic, don't know how I will handle, what I will do, how I will function, what should I do to prepare . . . my family (sisters, dad and others) have offered to come in from out of town to be with us, just don't know if that's what we'll need or what?????  Does anyone have any suggestions to help me and my boys get us through the most horrible anniversary date ever??  I know what I want to do, but that's not possible (you all know what I mean when I say that) . . . I have to stay strong for the boys . . . this past mothers' day I thought I was going to be okay, morning started off okay then, BOOOM!!  It hit me like a freight train and I just couldn't be consoled, no matter what anyone said to me, I couldn't stop bawling.  I ruined my boys' mothers' day, but all I could think of was how much Landon loved making cards for me and bringing in flowers to surprise me and how I would never get to see that, ever ever again.

Thank you all for being here for me, I can't say this enough, had it not been for this group, I wouldn't be walking & talking today (even though sometimes I don't want to be, but my kids want me to be so I am).  I would sure appreciate any help you could give me.

Love always,

Landon's Mom forever,  Shelly
Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly



My Precious Little Landon -- Forever in our Hearts        http://landon-greenan.gonetoosoon.org
August 1, 1995 - June 1, 2007

how2moveon

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2008, 11:12:25 PM »
I am sorry for your lost.  I lost my son to a horrible accident almost 5 months ago.  I understand what you mean about mothers day.  Its not mothers day with out all your children there.  I dont have a suggestion for you on what do do on your sons Angel Date.  I wish i did.  But i am just now learning how to breath without him.  Some days I feel like i still need help with that.  Just wanted to write on your topic to let you know you are not alone.  Nobody understands what its like.
bubba's mom
NO FAREWELL WORDS WAS SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU LEFT WITHOUT WARNING
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

Jeanneb

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2008, 07:00:52 AM »
Shelly,

I know  how very tough all this is and wish I had some perfect answer but there just isn't one.  I am approaching my 5th angel date in July.  What I can tell you from my experience is that the weeks and days leading up to that day were much harder than the day itself.  One thing that we have done in the past and will do again this July 21 is to have the family meet and launch balloons and then we go out for pizza (one of Philip's favorite things).  There is a cross on the roadside where he had his accident and that is where we gather.  It is hard there is no way around that and while it has softened to a degree for the most part it just hurts.  How can it not...we lost our child and that is something we walk with every day.

I know that you want to be strong but you also have to give yourself the time to just feel what you feel and let those tears flow.  Holding it in, bottling it up oh honey the toll that takes on your body...well I'm also learning that toll from experience...it is not worth it.   I know of more moms who have tried to wear that mask and the stress of wearing the mask well it comes out sooner or later and usually the stress affects our health in horrible ways.

So how do you handle it...well one minute, one hour, one day at a time and remember to take those deep breaths along the way.  For the most part I say go with it...when the waves rush in let yourself feel them, cry with them and do what you have to do for you.  I'll keep you  and your family in my prayers and send you strength to walk these days ahead.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2008, 03:10:21 PM »
Jeanne is right, for me also, the days leading up to the angel date are the worst.. I have met with Taylor's friends and released balloons, we played his favorite songs, and then on the 2nd one we met again and I also put an in memory of ad in our local paper and the 3rd one I stayed home and lit a candle.. sometimes also it helps some if on holidays you do something the day before the actual day , and then the build up is kind of over, am I making any sense.. Will be thinking of you and your precious son.
Love, Brenda

Debh

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2008, 09:35:41 PM »
I will be thinking of you, the weeks prior are hard as everyone else has written.

Somehow we always get through them, my number 2 Chads birthday is June 1st, hubby said tonight he is wanting to go to the cemetary, it has been years since he has been there that I know of, I feel he is changing in his sadness and missing his boys as I do,  the cemetary has been a hard place for us to go, I have 3 nephews and my 2 Chads all together there and too hard, I usuallly go to the boys bridge I feel it is easier there. Celebrate their life and not their death there.

Nothing is easy especially the first year, take care of you

Love
Deb

cathy

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2008, 09:59:40 AM »
I know this is late but am thinking of you. I always find that the anticipation of a certain date is much harder than the date itself.
My heart is with you. :)

Annette

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2008, 04:17:49 PM »
I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. The angel date. I just dealt with Michael's first angel date and I'll tell you what I did. I don't know if it will help you or not, but it is my experience. I also was very apprehensive of what to expect and how bad I'd feel.

Well, Michael died the day after Mother's Day last year (May 14th) so although the calendar date was on a Wednesday, the day after Mother's Day also felt like his angel date. I took those 3 days off from work after Mother's Day. Mother's Day was very hard, but I completely changed what I did for it. The next day was pure hell. I kept remembering where I had been on that day a year before when Michael was still alive, reliving every detail. I finally took some pills to knock myself out and sleep, but I cried myself to sleep. By Tuesday I thought I was dying I couldn't breathe and I went to the doctor's on Wednesday, and she changed my meds which didn't seem to help. Wednesday was the actual Angel Date and I kept having what I later learned to be panic attacks. I just cried and cried all day.

Well the attacks continued and I went to Urgent care on Saturday and found out I was having classic panic attacks. Just finding this out helped me so much, plus I think getting past the angel date was a relief. I had been in so much pain (I still am). I am on a cross country trip right now that I planned for the week after the angel date, thinking a change of scenery would do me good. Perhaps it has.

Be gentle and get help. Change the routine and scenery if that might help. Eat out.  I don't know how to help you, but you can get through this date and at best feel relieved that the date is over.
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Dena

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2008, 05:17:20 PM »
(((Shelly)))

Anticipation is usually much worse than the actual date.  I dreaded Josh's first Angel Date and by the time it got there, I was prepared. I spent that day working in his garden, turning the soil and planting flowers and placing rocks with my sister, who came over with all the stuff needed to make it work.

Try to have a plan for that day - doing something to remember Landon by.  Light a special candle for him and know that Josh's will also be lit for Landon.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

Landons Mom Shelly

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2008, 08:04:25 PM »
Thank you everyone for your responses . . . I'm sure I'm probably stressing myself out more than I should, but your posts have really helped me plan better for "the day".  What's so terrible right now, we finally have our first hearing for the divorce (May 29th) and it is exactly a year to the day that I had filed the restraining order . . . how ironic and sad the timing had to be so close to losing our Landon.  Life really sucks sometimes.

Thanks again & wish me luck . . .

Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly
Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly



My Precious Little Landon -- Forever in our Hearts        http://landon-greenan.gonetoosoon.org
August 1, 1995 - June 1, 2007

Donna Jasons mom

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Re: Landon's Angel date approaching . . . how do I handle????
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2008, 05:25:29 AM »
Hi Shelley:
I am so sorry for your broken heart!!  These special days are so hard.  I lost my son on Dec 15, 2004 in a car accident and I'd like to tell you it gets easier but I would be lying.  I find as I continue on this journey you do what you can do and on those days when you feel like you can't go on you just breathe!!  You are not alone but at times you feel so alone.  Everyone grieves in different ways.  Know that we are here and you are in our thoughts and prayers!!  One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)