Author Topic: cleaning up his room  (Read 4089 times)

tsjones

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cleaning up his room
« on: May 19, 2008, 06:18:11 PM »
Jordan has been gone for 10 months. The clothes that I folded for him on the day he died are still on his dresser, exactly where I put them. Everything is exactly like it was when he left for work that day. I have cleaned a little, vaccumed and stuff like that, but all the dressers are still full of his clothes and his clothes are still hanging in his closet. We all still refer to the room as "Jordan's room". What do I do? I can't bare the thought of putting his things in a box. I can't do it. It would seem like I was erasing him.

Would it be okay if I just leave his room like that? What do you all think? Please help.
Tammy (Jordan's Mom)

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2008, 07:50:57 PM »
The bottom line is you have to do whatever you are comfortable with. It will be 4 years on June 26 since Charlie left. His room is untouched. I clean it when I clean upstairs, but all of his things are there (except a few small collectible that we shared with his friends). The giant posters that were made by his friends at school for the funeral line the walls, his baseball Jersey which they retired is hung in a shadow box on the wall, his beloved drum sticks lay on his bed where he left them. Some of the things that I have taken down from the cemetery(stuff left by friends) are on the shelves, but everything else is untouched. It is still and always will be Charlies room. No matter where I live he will always have a room in my house. I cannot pack up his things in a box and store them away in some dark closet. This is JUST my personal opinion and what has worked for us.
You HAVE to do whatever it is that makes you comfortable. It is a very, very personal decision.
Sending strength and peace.

smith

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2008, 01:49:47 AM »
TS when I read your msg my heart remembered the pain associated with 'the room' and the way I managed it.  My beautiful son passed away in 2002 and for a very long time I would take great comfort in spending time in his room.  I kept everything just as he had left it, in fact the day before he was murdered he cleaned his room so well, throwing out old stuff he no longer wanted..........I have wondered many times and I know deeply he must have known something. and perhaps he was trying to make it easier for me by having his room in order.   Everyones journey is so individual, no two people are alike despite their losses.  Please know that you will find your OWN way, painfully, with dignity and above all individually your. Not to be judged, just loved for being you. Blessings and big hugs to you. Do only what you can, because you are enough, and you have always been.

Jeanneb

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2008, 07:16:11 AM »
Tammie,

I think if you want to leave his room the way it is then you should.  No one can tell you what to do...this is a very personal choice and what feels to be the right thing for you.  Because of circumstances I had to clean Philip's room rather quickly and his brother and sister helped me which I am so glad for.  I don't know if I could ever have done it without them.

My only regret with it now is I wished I had kept more of his shirts and had made a quilt from them.  His shirts went to a dear friend that Philip had always handed clothes down to since they were little guys so I knew they would be worn with pride.

When the time is right you will know and will go through his room as you see fit.  Take all the time your heart tells you to.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever

Donna Jasons mom

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2008, 08:20:16 PM »
We lost our Jason 3 1/2 years ago and his room, with the exception of his clothes, is still the same way.  I just can't bear to do anything with his things.  I think it's perfectly fine whatever you decide to do.  Let it be your decision and don't feel pressured into making a decision until you are ready.
One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)

how2moveon

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2008, 11:17:41 PM »
I cleaned my sons room 3 months after he passed. I HAD to do that for my own peace of mind.  I was spending way to much time in there. It wasnt healthy. I am having his clothes made into a quilt.  Nobody can tell you what you should do. Everyone feels differntly.  Some people thought i was crazy for leaving his room for 3 months. Some people think I am crazy for cleaning it out.  I dont care what anyone thinks. When you do decide to clean it out I would suggest you have a very close family member be there with you.
bubba's mom
NO FAREWELL WORDS WAS SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU LEFT WITHOUT WARNING
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

Wadesmom

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2008, 05:28:33 AM »
Do what you are capable of. I believe this decision is entirely up to the parent. Please Do not let anyone pressure you to do otherwise until YOU are ready.
Wade's room is as he left it 21 months ago.  I have no desire and there is no urgency for me to make any changes. Wade's sisters are both married and have their own homes. I 've made no changes with their bedrooms either. I do not need the space nor is it important for me to switch things up.   This is what is right for me at this time, each parent is different.
 I believe you will know if or when it is time to do something different with Jordan's room . 

hugs,
Wadesmom

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: cleaning up his room
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2008, 03:18:44 PM »
OH I would say yes , definately yes, there is nothing wrong with that at all... I wish wish wish I'd left everything the way Taylor left it...  Love, Brenda