Miss having my parents!!

[kimiisme]

  My Mom committed suicide on Oct. 2nd, 2007. It's been nearly 7 months now....I miss her TERRIBLY! In a recent post, people mentioned that not being able to pick up the phone and call was really hard. SO TRUE!! I really miss her voice!! And I miss signing on to MSN Messenger and seeing her online....we would chat for HOURS! I can't get myself to remove her name from my friends list....and then,at the same time,  it's SO HARD to see her name there! I have also sent her an email or 2 even though she won't ever get them. Letting go is one thing I have NEVER been good at!
  My Dad died 7 years ago July...and I don't feel the years... it seems like just 1 or 2 - NOT 7!!
   I am only 39 years old, and I feel lost without a parent to call and cry to, or share my day with, etc... I miss them both so much!! 

[ladybug13]

Kimiisme,
    I am so sorry I can't imagine what you are going through. I lost my Mom 5 months ago and the realization is starting to set in. I am not a banana fan but when my Mom was sick she wanted cherios and bananas. I still buy them at the store for her and throw them away when they ripen. Even though every morning in the kitchen they are a reminder. So wasteful but I just can't not buy them. So not removing her Messenger ID I totally understand. Do it when your ready don't fell like you have too. Writing her emails is a great idea just getting out what you would normally tell her can be so healing. I know it is so cliche but they truly are with us. It those seconds when I am still and quiet I feel her the most. I know both of your parents are with you. Love is forever not even death can change that. The first words that came out of my mouth after my Moms last breath were; there is no way you can love someone this much and never see them again. It is true for your parents too, you will see them again but please know they are with you always.  Sending faith, hope, and strength....Jacque

[renee]

Kimiisme,
I know how you feel today is the one year mark for me. My father comitted suicide last year. Today is especially hard. I feel so numb. I still feel him here. I have his ring that he always wore it was on his finger the day he shot himself it was almost two weeks before we finally got it from the coroner. They never called us to tell us that there were any posessions on him. I thought one of the guys on the scene stole the ring. When I got the ring back I started crying. I still wear it now a year later the only time I take it off is at work and that is only because I'm afraid I might lose it. It makes me feel like he's with me. If I take it off I feel empty. It was a part of him. In time you may take your mom off your friends but then again you might not and thats ok. By taking her off your list that may be when you've come to terms with your lose but don't rush it. It takes time for the pain to go away I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. If you ever need to talk I'm here I know how you feel and what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take care and be as strong as you can be.
Renee

[beffy]

I can honestly say that I know what you are feeling. I lost my brother 3 years ago in an automobile accident, my father 2 years ago and my mother 6 months ago.  That was all the family I had. Well, I do have a 15 year old son and a 21 year old daughter, but thats not quite the same.  Sometimes you just feel so all alone, no one left to talk to, no one to call and say say "do you remember when..."  I do somewhat the same thing as you - I will pick up the phone to call mom, but I know she won't answer. I can only imagine the last words she spoke to me before she died, "I love you too..."
I thought I was selfish for feeling the way I do, wanting them here and for feeling alone, I didn't realize there were others like me. I am sorry for the pain you are feeling, and if you ever want to talk I am here, I know I'm not mom but...