I have to tell you, your feelings are not unique or only felt by you.
After the horrible accident and the death of my daughter, Danielle Marie, I also had many thoughts about wanting to die. I thought that if I could die that I could protect her (even in death) and be with Danielle so she would not be frightened. I was selfish, I did not think about my family, all I could think about was my daughter being frightened in death. I was told (by my therapist) that this is a very "normal" reaction to something so tragic as the death of a child. The key to helping yourself is to GET HELP! Talk to someone, ANYONE who will listen. They DON'T have to understand and (as I found out) will comfort you and be there for you to lean on.
I came across this medical article that may help explain some of the feelings that some of may have or are experiencing after the death of our children.
Death of a Child Increases Mother's Risk of Death
by Gary Gately
When a child dies, the mother faces a much higher risk of early death than the father, Danish researchers say.
Compared with parents who had not lost a child, mothers were 43 percent more likely to die of any cause within 18 years of a child's death; fathers, 9 percent, the researchers report in the current issue of The Lancet.
The greatest risk of early death for parents came in the three years after a child died, the study found. During that time, mothers were nearly four times as likely to die of unnatural causes, while fathers had a 57 percent greater risk of early, unnatural death.
Unnatural deaths consisted mainly of motor vehicle accidents and suicides, and some of the accidents might actually have been hidden suicides or linked to alcohol consumption, depression or grief, says Jorn Olsen, a co-author of the study.
"I think the most significant finding is definitely this high mortality of unnatural causes we see after the death of a child, especially among mothers," says Olsen, an epidemiologist at the Epidemiology Science Center at University of Aarhus in Denmark. "Losing a child is considered to be one of the most extreme stressors. This type of life event clearly puts the parents in a high-risk position, especially the mothers and especially shortly after the death of a child."
The study focused on information from Danish death registries from1980 to 1996, tracking about 20,000 parents who lost a child and a control group of 293,000 whose children were alive.
The likelihood of a parent's unnatural death declined with the passage of time. However, four to eight years after a child's death, mothers were still nearly twice as likely as those who did not lose children to die of unnatural causes. And nine to 19 years later, they were 70 percent more likely to face that fate. Fathers were 13 percent more likely to die of unnatural causes nine to 19 years after a child's death.
The death of a child also increased the likelihood of a parent's death from natural causes, including circulatory and digestive diseases, the study found.
Compared with those who had not lost children, bereaved mothers had a risk of death from natural causes 6 percent higher the first three years after the death of a child; 16 percent, the fourth through eighth years; and 44 percent, the ninth through 18th years.
Fathers, by contrast, had a higher death risk from natural causes, 19 percent, only in the nine to19 years after the death of a child.
Olsen suggests mothers may be more likely to die early after losing a child because they're more attached to children than fathers.
Among the study's other findings:
For mothers, the risks of unnatural death were highest after the death of a child aged 3 to 9 and lowest for those less than a month old.
The likelihood of parents dying early after losing a child decreased when they had more than one child.
Long-term effects of stress after a child's death can affect the nervous and immune systems, among other things. That can make parents more susceptible to infectious diseases and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.
Stress also can lead to lifestyle changes such as smoking and drinking alcohol, altering the diet or reducing physical activity - all of which could increase risk of both natural and unnatural deaths.
Barbara J. Paul, a Philadelphia psychologist who specializes in grief counseling, says the study shows the devastating impact of the loss of a child.
"It does have a catastrophic impact on the family," Paul says. "The health-care profession, as well as the mental health profession, need to be aware of that."
Early intervention to improve physical and mental health of grieving parents is crucial, Paul says, and often, increasing physical ailments start to show up nine to 18 months after the death of a child.
However, both parents are often so grief-stricken that they can't help each other and thus need support from friends and others, she adds.
Paul says the loss of a child can be more difficult for mothers: "They will often talk about the death of a child as the death of a part of themselves. They feel a part of themselves has died."
Grieving fathers, by contrast, may be at lower risk of early death because they become more involved in work and keeping the family together and functioning, Paul says