Information about the Sibling Loss Board

[laurenE]

The Sibling Loss board is a place where those of us who are siblings gather and support each other in our grief.   It is a place  where we are free to be ourselves or be anonymous.  It is our safe place to laugh,  cry,  vent,  express our anger at our situation,  be confused,  or simply share and  remember our siblings who have died.   It is a place where we can offer support to others as well as ask for support in our own journey.
  Feel free to respond to posts already started or you can start your own.  Don't forget to go to the introduction board and post a brief introduction about yourself and  how  and when your sibling  died.
 
 

[jarenmom]

A coworker gave me an article about your website. I'm so grateful to find a place to share my grief. I loss my brother and best friend on December 18, 2007. He and I were as close as siblings could be and I'm having an awfully hard time dealing with his death. I have cried 76 days straight since his passing. I'm only a speck of the person I was before his death. The only thing that keeps me going is my wonderful 19 year old son. I don't know how to begin healing, even when I pass places in the city, or someone mentions his name, I cry. I am so sad and I can bearly function. I am a Katrina survivor. My brother was a police officer in New Orleans. The stress of the storm and life in New Orleans contributed to his unexpected death. He was only 48 years old. I'm angry, hurt, and depressed. We shared everything and I feel that a huge part of me is dead too. I don't laugh anymore, I'm not interested in socializing, my faith has weakened, and I wake up, go to work, then come home, sleep and repeat the process. I have a hard time at family gatherings because he is not there. I'm miserable and angry because of his sudden death. Ive never been in so much pain and I don't know what to do or how to begin to heal.

[blueskies]

Hi - I lost my brother on October 7, 2007. He had barely turned 51. He was my best friend and I am having a very hard time dealing with his death. His death was unexpected - a heart attack...and he was alone when he died. My dad died December 27, 2006 and I was just coming to grips with that loss when my brother died. My dad's death was after a long illness and as much as I was devastated by his death it does not compare to what I am going through due to  the loss of my brother. The pain is physical as well as emotional. My upper chest feels like it is tight or freezing up all the time. I managed to hold it together at school up until last week. Then, I just was so tired and stressed that I couldn't take the talking back and arguing from my 7th grade students and I shouted at them to shut up. I never used to do that... they don't listen to anything else...its like they can sense that I'm in a weakened state and they are just going to run wild. I have a sister but we are not close. She is four years younger than me. She drove my brother nuts. He loved her of course but she added stress to his life...(greedy stuff). My brother was the one who I shared my life with and he shared his life with me. We were only 18 months apart in age .He was the one person in my life that I knew I could always count on and he knew he could count on me. He lived with me for almost a year when he was out of work when my daughter was 12.. But he had been living with my parents to help out with my dad for the past four years and I didn't get to see him during that time. We talked on the phone often. I talked to him one week before he died. I was worried about how tired he was. There were hints that something was wrong. I remember a few weeks earlier I had told him to make sure he didn't have walking pneumonia. I didn't stop to think about blood clots and heart attacks. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that it is good that you cry. Keeping it in will make you sick. I have not been able to release all my grief and it is knotting up in me. I have been so busy worrying about my mom and children... I guess I am angry at fate..it seems so unfair that he was just getting to the point where he had hope and was building a business. We had talked about moving back up North together. He was going to help my daughter with her college studies..math and German. He was her biggest supporter. Crying is good... exhausting but good.  I don't have any family gatherings to go to... besides, he and I understood each other and none of my other family members have that kind of relationship. We had this shared understanding of our childhood and the things we went through with my dad, our neighborhood, school, etc. He cared about things going on in this country and was an intellectual... yet he was without airs or snobbery. The girl who ran the storage unit where he kept his skis and other things was in tears when she heard he died. He was just as at home driving over the road tractor trailers as he was being a member of MENSA. I don't know how to tell you to heal...I just can tell you I do understand the pain. I have been listening to some Irish Keeling music... Lamantations... it helps me to cry... I try to remind myself that he would want me to be healthy...he always was sending me vitamins etc, he would want me to do well in this world.. he would not want me to waste my time here.... I know all those things mentally but emotionally... I need to get rid of the pain.... I wish I could help you too. Take care.

[KawfeeDrnkr]

Hi Jarenmom & Blueskies,

I am so sorry to read about your recent losses of your bothers. I wish I could say something or reach out to hug ya to make the pain go away but I realize through my own grief process that words cannot heal us or take away our pain but they can help us cope and I can extend a virtual hug ((HUGS)) to both of you.

Losing a sibling is very hard - I never imagined that I would experience such pain & an empty void in my heart. I can relate to the bond you had with your brothers because I too had a bond with my sister & that bond and friendship is forever gone. I know it's going to take time until the pain eases inside of me. The support you get from other loved ones and this forum will help ease the pain because you are surrounded by people who can empathize with your pain.

I hope to see you both back here getting the support and encouraging words that will help you cope with your losses.

[laurenE]

Jarnemom and blueskies,

I am so sorry for your losses.  I cant imagine the pain of loosing a sibling. 
I hope you find the support and strength you need here.   

Welcome but so sorry for your loss

Lauren

[Grieving in Texas]

  Well, I received the bad news today, I got a call from my boss who said I needed to come in and see him, and he did not say why, I was already up and dressed to go to work, so I packed my lunch and went in, when I went into his office he asked me to sit down, he told me that my brother who worked in another part of the state had died in his sleep of a heart attack, I blew, my mind did not seem to understand at first, he I said what and he told me again, I must have cried for a good forty minutes, before I could even speak, they had a friend take me home and someone else drove my car to my house, my mother had died last year and he was all I had left of my immediate family, I just dont know where to start, right know I am feeling numb like someone had shot me, he was only 40 years old, just had a birthday on the 9th, no this is not right, I must be in some kind of nightmare, it cant be true, someone please say it is just a dream.

[Berlin1]

My brother died in a car crash on 21 December 2007, he was my best friend.  Our parents died when we were very young so it was always me and my two brothers against the world and I just don't know how to be without him.  I miss him so much and just cannot believe I will ever feel truly happy again.  I have a 5 year old daughter and know I have to be strong for her and I am but everything feels wrong now.  I'm very angry that he's gone, not with him just with life.  I just feel totally lost and can't bear the pain. 

[laurenE]

Berlin,

Welcome to the sight.  I am so very sorry for your losses.   I know how important siblings become when you lose your parents. I can not imagine how close you two must have grown after your parents died. 

  I have lost both of my parents as well.      I think loosing my father when I was  12 was easier than loosing my mother when I was 35.  There is something about childhood resiliency.   And something about loosing someone as an adult.

   I hope you find comfort here on the sibling loss board and hope you will find someone in your life who can be supportive as you go thru this pain.   Grief was not meant to be endured alone.   Grief does not last forever, thankfully.

Hang in there and please let us know how you are doing.

Lauren   

[tsan]

Dear Jarenmom,

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my sister in an accident 20 years ago (she was 25, I was 17). But she still lives in my memory. I see her in my dreams. Being the older sister, she was always protective of me. On the day she died, I had had a fight with her. And I am still not able to get over my feeling of guilt. I just feel that I contributed to her death. But during moments of distress and crises, I somehow feel her presence. I somehow feel that she gets me through difficult circumstances.  Feels like she forgave me.
For a very long time I did not want to acknowledge her death. I did not let out my sorrows. I think that that is why I have not healed still.
It is good for you to cry out now. As hard as it sounds, you will eventually get over this phase.
My prayers for you.

[horselovsnuggler]

I am new to this, but the lose is not. My parents and I did not get along so they sent me to live with my brother while they were long haul truckers. He was everything to me, my gaurdian, my confidant, my protector and my best friend. I had a dream of him driving on an extremely curvey mountain road and that the car flipped over on him and that he died. I woke up and was paniced. I told him about my dream and he held me and calmed me down, but I had that very same dream 2 more times and then I got the knock on the door. It was a detective telling me the very same dream I had. I never visited the place where my brother died, but I described it to the detective and it was like I was there. My parents told me to move back in and when the family came for the funeral I was told that I would have to stay in a tent in the back yard and that what I was feeling didn't matter. My parents thought that they were doing what was best for me at the time, but does it ever stop hurting?  I had just turned 18 that year and my whole world was gone. It has been over 20 years since that and I still miss him every day...I did find my soulmate, but lost him to cancer in 1996 and just this past April I lost my father. I am so empty inside. I am not sure what to do. 

[treehuggermm]

I lost my brother in November after a 4 year battle with cancer. he was only 32- diagnosed 6 months after he got married. I was there when he passed, holding his hand. I thought I was doing ok, Made it through the wake, funeral, and multiple family gatherings, even the holidays weren't so horrible...but after a pretty ugly breakdown at a friends house a few weeks ago I feel like the leavy broke and there is no repairing it.  I think about mike every day.  I usually end up crying everyday, or atleast have to fight back tears a few times a day.  The littlest things make me think of him.  I want to be happy when I think of him, but Im not there yet, and I refuse to let myself stop thinking of him. 
I know time will help ease the pain, but I feel like Ive taken a giant leap in reverse
laura

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Laura,
So sorry for your loss, your not going in reverse, sometimes when someone we are so cllose to dies we are in shock so we just go with the flow and after everthing is over is when everything hits. I think about my husband and my mom everyday and sometimes still go to call my mother. You cant just erase them from your life that easy. This is a hard journey that we are all on , but you are not alone, we are all here to talk with you or just listen.

The next ime you post a comment though you should start your own post, I almost didnt see you post because you attached it to a old one. I do hope you come back and tell us more about you and your brother Mike. My prayers are with you.

Georgia.

[Jeanneb]

Laura,

You are very early on this journey.  Let yourself go.... go with your emotions.  Grief is a long hard process.. it is lots of work.  The best advice I can give you is just to let yourself feel what you feel at the time it is happening.

You have found a great place to come and share your feelings with people who truly understand what you are going through.   You might even want to post on the main board just because the sibling board can be a little inactive at times.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and hope to see you post again.

Love,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[Luvinmike]

Dear Laura, so sorry to hear about your brother Mike. Please tell us about your brother. How is the rest of the family doing? I agreed w/ Georgia and Jeanneb, this is a long winding road with setbacks like you are having, but you will keep going. You will eventually find more gratitude in your thoughts for having him as your brother instead of just all agony at your loss. At least that is my hope and prayer for all of us missing someone so special. We all hope to hear from you. terri

[laurenE]

treehugger,

No, you;ve not  taken a step back.  You've just started thawing out your emotions.    You can't heal emotions until you allow yourself to feel them.   Crying is healing and I encourage you to just let it flow when you are in a safe and appropriate place to do so.   

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.
I hope you find comfort here

lauren