please tell me it gets better

[Mak]

Hi all I’m having a really bad day. It seems like I’m battling every one from workman’s comp down to my husband’s boss. Any time I ask a question it starts another problem. I was hoping by this time (3 ½ months) I would be able to start to put this behind me and get on with my life. Instead I don’t answer my phone, just let the answering machine get it. I don’t answer my front door. I feel like I’m trapped and I can’t get out. I do take the dog for a walk and go out for a soda now and then but all the paper work and comments are always on my mind.

I know my husband wasn’t perfect but I wish the people who didn’t like him would keep that to themselves, and the people who acted like his friends and now talk negative about him would just shut up! I don’t want to hear it and he can’t defend himself. For all of his faults he also had a lot of good things he did. 

PLEASE someone tell me all the paperwork, workman’s comp people and former employers and fake friends will be out of my life sometime soon. I just want to get on with my life and remember my husband how he was to me, without the hurtful comments of other people.

On the plus side my sons, family and a few close friends still love me and tell me things will get better. I just hope it happens soon. I did find writing my feelings down help. I tried it once and I couldn’t stick with it so now I write a note to my husband and tell him what happened today and if I’m mad at him or not. It works a little to calm me down. Also I did get my will back so at least my kids won't have to worry about that. It helped my mood for a day but now it’s back to the head games again.

Well I just needed to vent, thanks for listening.

[Lost]

Mak.
        I know right now it seems like things will never get better,i've been there. It's still hard but not as hard as it was six mths. ago. It will get better I can't say when because it seems to be different for everyone. I will never forget my wife or everything she has done for me, but I must try to move on with my new life, I know thats what she would have wanted.
      As far as what others say or think, I would try to ignore it. We all make mistakes, thats part of it. You remember him as you want, do'nt worry about what everyone else thinks your the one that lived with him and really knew him.

[sweetpea]

Hello Mak, I am sorry for your loss, I know a little something about suffering loss of love ones. In just a short span of 6 months I have lost a brother, an Aunt, Uncle, and my Mother in law who was really like a Mother to me, she just recently passed away January the 5th.

To all of the turmoil, and disruption in your life ,with your husband and your so called friends, who are simply that!!! when people show you who they are believe them!!! they are who they are.... so now you know perfectly well how to deal with them!! Don't.   

Your main concerns right now are your family , yourself, and your TRUE FRIENDS. Just deal with life one day at a time, and take all the time you need, if writing things to your husband helps, by all means keep doing so.

Keep comming to this site to talk with me and others, believe me it helps to talk with people who know how it feels. As Far as the business side of things this too will work it's self out.

 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breaths away....   Sweetpea

[Crushed]

Mak:   The paper work will get taken care of and things will calm down.  People can say some really stupid, hurtful things. Don't listen to them and it is perfectly ok to tell them that you don't need to hear it! You know what your husband was to you and nothing else matters. Easier days will come in time. Hang on.

[Lonnie]

Mak: I found the paperwork was endless with my mom, after my dad died, and we all thought it would never end also, but after awhile it all got better. Just sorting it all out, getting death certificates, changing names on accounts, social security, etc. It was unbelievable. But it WILL get better. I am so sorry that people have said such horrible things. That's not right, or considerate of your feelings. Thinking of you-Lonnie

[Crushed]

I swear that many people just say whatever pops into their head and have no filter! They are rude, sometimes crude, and absolutely inconsiderate. I have not had to deal with much of that and not at all for many months, but I decided to just give it back and tell them I didn't want to hear it. After all I am the grieving widow and , "poor thing, she can't always be polite!"  What's there excuse? No intelligence?

[Autumn Leaves]

Mak, I know from personal experience that while the routine paperwork related to the death of a spouse can be timeconsuming and difficult to deal with but that doesn't even begin to compare with work comp. My late husband had been on work comp and forced to retire because of work related issues. He died with his case pending because his employer kept dragging their feet. I contacted his attorney and asked (in writing yet) if the case would be resolved within MY lifetime. It was, finally, but it took almost another year. Then I had further problems because the check was issued in his name, then reissued in the estate of, then FINALLY issued in my name. I was so frustrated by that I started crying in the bank. I'm glad it's finally resolved but am so sad that my husband never got to take advantage of the money he was entitled to because he was injured at work. I ended up using the money to pay off his debts that he ran up because he didn't have the money while he was still alive.

[meemaw]

MAK  My computer has been laid up. Had a virsus.  I've had a hard time trying to get to my addresses and get logged in.  I know I didn't have the problem with paper work , we had power of attorney for health and property done, which seemed to get me through everything I had to take care of.  I don't know how much you know about the problems S & J have been having.  I have been under so much stress for so long that it has begun to affect my health a little.  Hope to see you at either L's testing or the pizza party afterward.  Will talk to you about going out to lunch or something very soon.  Not sure how much more time I will  have off.  I have a feeling  K will be going back to work next week. Love  Meemaw

[Revjyoung]

I'm new to this forum but I will tell you what I told my son in the days after my dog's death after surgery on February 20th:

Grief can be like a tsunami.  The first wave is so devastating.  Then without warning another wave washes over you.  Again and again.  But as you experience each wave fully, the next is not as intense.  One day (and no one can time grief), that which was once experienced as a tsunami, feels more like waves gently lapping on the shore.

The waves on my heart are not as intense three months later but they're still not gently lapping on the shore.  But that day will come.  That day will come for you too.