Hi!. I am new to this site, much the same as I am new to my grief process. My older brother, Dani died three years ago. Sadly, I never greived his death, as I never felt I was allowed to. I have only recently been able to acknowledge that I am entitled not only to believe that the loss is mine too but I can mourn in my own way and not be others standards.
When he died, I went on autopilot to take care of his affairs, so that my parents would not need to. Since then, I have acted (because it was "suggested" that I act so) fine and that I "had gotten over it," a little becuase my grief made others uncomfortable, but mostly becuase my father became severely depressed and I needed to take care of him to.
Recently, one of many people mentioned to me that they "knew what I felt." And something clicked inside me, and I finally claimed my loss. I ended the relationship with that person, not only becuase they had no clue what I felt, but clearly they have not seen any aspect of me over the last three years. I have been so lost for the last three years and apparently, those nearest to me have not noticed. This being the case, I decided to take some time out and finally grieve my brother. I no longer want to hide missing him or how I feel.
I can imagine that most siblings have the same expereince - "its not their loss," so they should just get over and that adds to the tradegy of the loss of their siblings. My heart bleeds for us, who have had our voices taken away from us.