Author Topic: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...  (Read 5824 times)

Terry

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Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« on: December 22, 2007, 08:39:11 PM »
I just had words with my sister and told her I do not want her at my home. She wanted to know why I wasn't putting up a tree for my Granddaughter this year and laid the 'guilt trip' on me until I hung up on her.
This year is especially hard with DH gone and Dad hanging on by a thread. And it isn't like she hasn't been around through the deaths of my children, but my Jeff, my life, my only surviving child...his loss has taken my heart and just squeezed any life that was left in it.

My granddaughter and I are very close and she is very content spending quality time with me as we do every year, without the glitter, the material things...she is loved. My sister is all about the glitter and I'm starting to believe will never get it!!!!

My heart is broke but at the same time I feel I had to protect myself from her inability to grasp the situation I am in right now. Her inability to show compassion, understanding.

Needed to vent.
Terry

Karen Paul

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2007, 08:21:14 AM »
Terry - so sorry your sister is not getting it... but only you can know what you need to do or not do and I'm glad you are not letting her "guilt" you into doing things you cannot do.. and I'm glad your granddaughter is happy spending time with you without all the glitter.. that is the best time afterall... the quality, quiet, time together..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2007, 08:47:10 AM »
Do only what YOU can handle, the hell with everyone else.

Dottie Tammie's Mom

barb0617

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2007, 08:53:40 AM »
To echo the others:  this is a time to know what you can and cannot do, what you want and do not want to do; this is not the time to use up your precious strength and energy to meet the expectations of those who have no right to make demands.  As you expressed so well - it's not about the tree - it's about the love you and your granddaughter share.
Barb, Mom to Jim (1999) Tom (2007) and Deb and Coll

Jeanneb

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2007, 12:04:56 PM »
Terry,

I have to say I agree with Dottie...to hell with everyone else.  Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and in our own families.  Take care of you and do what is best for Terry...no one else is going to think about you but you.

Sending you strength,
Jeanne
Philip's mom

Terry

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2007, 06:19:31 PM »
Thank You Karen, it just breaks my heart because she is my sister and has always been supportive in the past. I guess it's time for 'her' to move on. Sorry to sound so cynical, just how I feel right now. I appreciate your words of comfort.
Hugs

Hi Dottie..you are so right. No one walks in our shoes.
Thanks so much.
Hugs

Thanks Barb. My energy is dwindling and something most are not used to. But, it's just the way it is and I have to take better care of myself. It 'is' about the Love, yes, something she has all of, from me.
Thank You.
Hugs

Hi Jeanne, I thought I saw/heard it all, until it came from my sister. It did hurt but I had to draw a line and think about what it was doing to me, on top of everything else.
Thanks Jeanne.
Hugs

Thank You to all and I apologize for the way these messages are formatted. When I clicked on reply and it asked to use #1, #2 or whatever it said, I became confused.
Maybe I'll catch onto this. I see a 'help' section. I'll check it out.

Love to all
Terry

Brenda(Jessica's Mom)

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2007, 08:16:58 PM »
Dottie said it best!!!

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2008, 10:59:28 PM »
Terry, you can only do what you can do and no more. I have given up on defending myself.. people can not understand and I am glad they can't, because it would mean they have buried a child, other than just wish some people could understand our hearts will be sensitive and broken forever, not just a few days, months or years..  I'm so sorry for the loss of your children, it's  all so sad....
Love
Brenda

Terry

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2008, 10:35:23 PM »
Terry, you can only do what you can do and no more. I have given up on defending myself.. people can not understand and I am glad they can't, because it would mean they have buried a child, other than just wish some people could understand our hearts will be sensitive and broken forever, not just a few days, months or years..  I'm so sorry for the loss of your children, it's  all so sad....
Love
Brenda

I think there's so much more to what is going on with her, because she was like a 'Mom' to Jeff, they were so close. I don't know. I just know she's been argumentative and hurtful but maybe I should try to look deeper. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.
Your Taylor is a baby doll. I am so sorry Brenda.

Love;
Terry

Terry

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2008, 10:39:35 PM »
Dottie said it best!!!

Yes, she did. It's all we can do at times, the best we can do in any given situation.
Beautiful daughter. I'm so sorry for your loss, Brenda. :(

Love,
Terry

LaVonne

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2008, 10:40:41 AM »
Terry:

So very sorry but you are right. You do not need this and I also believe That Material and glitter is not whats its about. It is our Quality time we spend with them. I did not put a tree up this year either and Santa left a note that because we did not have a tree he hid the gifts so Kids had to look for them. I had fun with that and so did they.  Hugs LaVonne

Terry

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2008, 01:21:07 PM »
Hia Friend and thanks. The 'note from Santa' was precious. I wasn't that creative, but then, she doesn't believe in Santa anylonger. ;) But we both still believe in the 'Magic of Christmas' and all that that entails.

My sister and me have resumed conversing but it's not comfortable, for either of us.

So many lives are so deeply affected when a loved one dies and it seems that the changes are constant.
I feel her deep love which means more than anything else to me.

Know you and Jason are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Terry

Wadesmom

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Re: Family problems I do not need this time of the year...
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2008, 05:01:34 PM »
Family problems can be a real bite in the backside- I understand why your heart is broken, please protect yourself and take care of YOU-
Vent here whenever you desire or when needed.  WE understand. 

Wadesmom