Author Topic: Viewing A Open Casket  (Read 30541 times)

hummingbird

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #30 on: December 23, 2007, 06:17:08 AM »
hi
I went to see my brother before the funeral at the funeral parlour to say my good byes as he died so suddenly, I found it a great  help. The coffin was closed at the funeral.
It was very hard and tears stremed down my checks the whole time.He looked so at peace, he looked like he was asleep i held his hand and gave him a kiss goodbye on his forehead and i placed a white orchid flower on his chest.
I went with my mum, dad and my auntie, we asked for some things to be put in with him, he had a swimming towel and trunks, a silver cross, a note book and pencil and some money and i alse asked for a letter from me to be put in with him this is what i wrote

Chris i will miss you so much,
i can't believe that my big wonderfull chris has gone.
i will never forget all the happy times i had with you,
from play fighting, rides on the motor bike, my first bike that you fixed and painted for me and called it speedy, along with all happy times we had,
i loved spending time wiith you.
we have put a St christopher in with you as this will always be you and me.
I love you
You are and always will be in my heart and thoughts
Take care
All my love forever Helen xx
My sister didn't want to see him again he as she had seen him at the hospital after they had spent 45 minuites trying to save him.
I am so glad i went to see him i have had a hard time dealing with his death any way but i think i would be worse than i am  if i hadn't got that chance to say good bye.
sorry i have gone on abit it felt good to talk about it though, another step forward on my healing path
Thanks for listening take care
love Helen

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

patty

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #31 on: December 23, 2007, 03:00:36 PM »
One thing for sure, it will all roll around.  Someday these people will feel alone and abandoned  at some point. 
    If you really care about somebody you put their feelings first, you think of the benefits they would enjoy with a visit, not the fear and distress you might feel.  That's what friendship and love is. 

Lonnie

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #32 on: December 23, 2007, 04:03:15 PM »
Patty: You have just defined love and friendship beautifully. No one could have said it better. Lonnie

Crushed

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #33 on: December 23, 2007, 10:13:56 PM »
Patty,  AMEN, you nailed it.   I don't understand people and where they come from. I sometimes think they don't know what to say or do and so they do nothing. Just calling to say hi or popping in for a minute to hold a hand would be so comforting and reassuring that one is being thought of. I can't believe to know how hard that was for you to ask and be turned down. I am so sorry.

NowWidowed

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #34 on: January 09, 2008, 11:05:54 AM »
My wife died suddenly on December 27th. I was so much in shock, I went numb. Her family wanted an open casket. This is unusual in my religious tradition, but I saw it was important to them, so I went along with it. When I came to the funeral home to make arrangements, they had her laid out. I didn't get up close: I felt that was morbid. But just seeing her there brought home to me that she was dead. I sat some distance away and cried harder than I've cried in my life.

Lonnie

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2008, 04:28:57 AM »
I am so very sorry. Your grief is so fresh, and so raw.   :'( Please come back and talk with us when you feel up to it. It really helps. Lonnie

Crushed

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2008, 02:22:47 PM »
I am so sorry for all of this raw pain that you are dealing with. I am glad that you can cry as that is good for us and the chemicals we release in tears are negative ones.  Please rent a sill movie and watch it to give yourself the gift of laughter as that is also good for the soul. I know you don't feel much to laugh about right now, but it is a good healthy thing to do.
What ever we do to help us cope is the right thing for us at the time. There are no right or wrong answers on this journey.  the important thing is that we don't try to take the speed course as that is not healthy. Please be gentle with yourself and try to eat right, rest when you need, don't take on to much, and exercise when you can. Reach out to your friends'. They will help you but many times don't know how to or what you need.
You will come to a softer place even though you probably don't think so now and you have made it through that horrible day.

nuttychris

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #37 on: January 11, 2008, 01:56:29 PM »
My mother in law recently (a week before Christmas) died of alzheimers.  Hubby and I took care of her till the end.  When she died, though she was on hospice, it was rather unexpected.  THey had planned to discharge her from the program because she was "too healthy".  The night before she died, she developed a fever.  It was very quick.  The day she died, after the nurses came and cleaned her up, she was left in her bed in the living room, just as she had when she was alive.  It was a good 10 hours from the time she actually died until the mortuary took her away.  I asked my husband not to cover her face up as it looked like she was sleeping.  I waited till my children were in bed before the mortician came.  I cut off the long curly ponytail she had, then we kissed her goodbye, and watched the stretcher leave...just as though she was just going for a ride.  Uncovered, bundled up.  At peace.  Asleep.

She didn't want a funeral or a service.  There was no point.  Her friends had all died or abandoned her.  Her older two children didn't come around anymore.  Her sisters said they couldn't fly out for a service.  So we said our goodbye's right there in the living room.  She was cremated and her ashes will be transported to the cemetary later.  There's no hurry...she never liked the cold anyway.  So, I guess in a way, we had our own "open casket" of sorts. 

Ps. 94:17-19:  Without your help, Lord, I would have dwelt in the silence of death.  If I should say my foot has slipped, your love supported me.  When doubts filled my mind, your love brought comfort to my soul.

Lonnie

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Re: Viewing A Open Casket
« Reply #38 on: January 11, 2008, 03:12:15 PM »
nuttychris: That is so touching-you brought tears to my eyes.  :'( What a precious daughter-in-love you were to help care for your mother-in-law. I am so glad that in the end, she was not entirely abandoned. She had a wonderful son and you to care of her, and let her know she was loved. I hope you will share more with us when you can. Lonnie