Viewing A Open Casket

[kelly37]

I kissed both my dad & my brother in the casket! It was my way of saying "good-bye" & it only felt right.  I feel in someway they saw me & smiled upon me.  They were both wax figurish looking to me; a site I will never erase from my mind.  Seeing my brother was horrible---I sat in the corner & cried for awhile before I could go up to him.  He was always the loud, joke-ster, rocker dude & seeing him lay there motionless was gut wrenching.  He would've hated everyone standing around him staring at him like that!!!

I don't think it was as hard to see my dad b/c I had watched him deteriorate in the hospital those 18 days.  The day the nurses taped his eyes shut was the end for me.  I just knew it was over.  Gosh I miss my daddy!  This was his favorite time of year!

I'm glad I gave them both the kiss.  I don't think anyone judges you at a funeral. Do what you feel is right & that you won't regret later on.

Hugs,
Kelly

[Autumn Leaves]

My grandmother was in an open casket and she did not look like how I remembered her at all so I was disappointed.
I saw my late husband at the hospital after his death, the morning after he died and spent some time with him. I couldn't face seeing him in an open coffin though and neither could my daughter.
My mother was not in an open casket either. She didn't look anything like my memories of her because of her long illness with cancer so it was better that we all remembered her as she was than what the cancer had done to her.
I've been to open and closed casket services as well as to services where there was no casket at all and it all depends on how the services are presented and if pictures of the deceased are displayed as well.

[Lonnie]

Autumn: That is so true about the ravages of cancer. I remember when I saw Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner on Larry King, that it was absolutely shocking to see the horror that she had been through, and she didn't look at all like the Tammy Faye we knew.
When some illnesses (or accidents) have taken such a toll, it is better to remember the person as we once knew them.
Again, this is such a personal choice. I know many people say they don't want others looking at them like that either.
In the case of my birth dad, that I didn't see (in life) as much as I would have liked, it was important for me to have some time at the casket before the actual funeral. We had to fly in for a New Year's Eve funeral if you can believe that! Then my stepdad (who raised me from age 7) had triple heart bypass, and died not long after my birth dad. It was such a difficult time, losing them both so close together. In his case, as I mentioned, we saw him in the room after he died, and I cried my eyes out, and literally wailed with grief, and then we saw him at the funeral home. (I was virtually numb by then after a devastating time in the hospital, and all that had happened.) All in all, he looked much better (and more like himself) than my birth dad did.)
So sorry any of us have to go through this. It is not something we think of when we are younger, and living our lives. But the loss of our parents happens to us all, and it hurts so badly. And for those who have lost spouses or children...there are just no words for the grief you experience. They say the loss of a child is the most horrific experience that can happen to anyone, and from the posts on the Child Loss Board, I know that it is something you never, ever get over, or come to terms with.
Just wishing all of you a measure of comfort and peace during this terribly difficult time, as we face the holidays without our loved ones.  I'm so thankful that we have this place, and each other! Love, Lonnie

[patty]

Hi, actually, have to tell you that when my mother died I kissed her hair, when my sister died I kissed her hand.  That's what I was able to bring myself to do at that place.  Patty
   

[Crushed]

I have been to them all and none of it is easy.  I don't need to see my loved ones afterwards to know they are gone and I prefer a good picture in my head.   Thats just me and the good lord made us all different. I have gone to services and not gone to the front.  What ever it takes to make it through.

[Lonnie]

Amen Crushed...whatever it takes to make it through...
How is your foot? How are you feeling? (((((((((((((((Crushed))))))))))))))))))
Love, Lonnie

[Crushed]

Thanks for asking.  My foot is super swollen and very sore, but I am so thankful that it isn't worse. I do better if I stay off of it, but it's hard to keep a good gal down! I don't have time for this!

[Lonnie]

Crushed: I can only imagine the frustration of trying to stay off of it at this time of year, and there's a certain amount you have to be on it just for normal activities-eating, bathroom, etc. I hope it gets better very quickly, and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Hugs-Lonnie

[Crushed]

Lonnie:  This kind of goes with my honey's silly saying.  He would say if something hurts just hit your thumb with a hammer and you will have something else to think about. It got a laugh every time.  Well my heart hurts and my foot gives me something else to focus on.  I like cherries but this is the pits.

[Autumn Leaves]

Crushed, I had to laugh when I read your remark about hitting your thumb to distract your pain. When I was a kid so many decades ago my dad used to pinch our earlobe when ever one of us kids used to complain when something hurt. We stopped complaining about what originally hurt and complained about our ear. It's funny how it worked.

[finallyrelaxing]

This is toohard18 i lost my password so i had to create another account. So my Grandmothers funeral was on friday and it was very beautiful. Going into the viewing room was the hardest thing i have ever done. But afterwards when we were sitting in the service i had this sence of peace fall over me. I have never felt that way before, i know that my grandmother was watching me say goodbye. I didn't have a problem looking at her i think she looked beautiful! There is another service for her in her home town, where she will be burried next to her daughter also my grandmother. My aunt asked me to help lay her to rest to carry the casket, the terminology has blanket from my mind. I feel very honored to help with that. I am upset that my children will not have the chance to meet my grandmother, but my first child will be named after my grandmother and my great grandmother... Felizia Lynda Day. It sounds soo beautiful. They are going to hear all the time what a great woman she was, and how we can live life as full as her.  Thank You everyone for the support. I have found a way to deal with my grief. Hugs

[Lonnie]

So happy for you! Thanks for coming back to tell us that it went well, and that you had peace. Hugs-Lonnie

[Crushed]

Everything works out in the end. I am glad you have peace.

[patty]

This is hard for me to write but I will .  About those people those who want to remember them as they were, well what about when they are still alive?  Everybody knew John was failing with cancer.  Friends and customers would come into our store and I'd say "John is upstairs in the apartment, would you like to go up and visit him" and only ONE did.  The rest got a sort of distressed look on their face and give me some lame excuse of being late for something or whatever. Ane actually said "no, I'd rather remember him as he was".  aND HE WAS STILL ALIVE.  That ripped me up so bad.  They would ask about him but they wouldn't go up one floor to visit..  It was for him to be alone in the apartment all day while I took care of the shop.  I'd even offer them the business phone to call him upstairs, very few wanted to do that.  It was so terrible.
    We/I have a marine store.  John was the one all the ciustomers wanted to talk to as he was so knowledgable about boats and electronics, people would stand in line to talk to him.  He was so good to them, taking time to teach them, advise, he really put out for them.  Everybody wanted to be his friend. 
    And then when John could have used somebody to talk to ...........  it was such torture for me when they refused to go up to visit him.
    Patty
     
     

[Lonnie]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Patty)))))))))))))))))))))))))) How rough that must have been. Yes, there are things in life that we cannot and should not run from, but sometimes people are afraid. They really are. My stepdad looked so bad the last couple of weeks of his life, that once my mom and I ran from the room. He was on a respirator and not conscious, and every breath was a horrible struggle, and it just killed us to see him gasping for breath. He had always been so big and strong. But we did it day after day, but there was no indication that he knew we were there. We didn't want him to feel alone, and I have always felt that even if he couldn't acknowledge our presence, he knew we were there.
I am sure that it was horribly painful for you to offer for people to visit with him, and they wouldn't. That must have hurt terribly to know that he would have appreciated some company. Only one or two of my dad's best friends came. He worked for a car dealership and knew everyone in town, it seemed. One man pretended to be his brother, and got in ICU that way. And then we he died, not near as many came to the funeral as I expected, from all the people that he knew and that loved him.
It is difficult to understand these things, but I think the answer about your John is that they were scared. (I was a little frightened when I saw Tammy Faye. But when she spoke, I knew it was the same lady I'd known  before, just the packaging was different.) Some people may have seen other loved ones suffer and look bad before they died, and maybe it brings back memories that are too painful. And some people truly love the person, but just can't bear to see them deteriorate. It takes courage to face death.
I am just so sorry that you had to go through the pain of wishing they would visit with him. (Talking to him on the phone should have been easy. I don't have an answer for that.)
When it gets down to it, we are a society that just doesn't want much to do with death. People clearly run from it, and most don't even slow down to go to visitations or funerals anymore. Again, I understand the pain you are describing about the way people wouldn't visit with John. Maybe hearing about it will cause some of us to act differently ourselves. I hope so. Many huge hugs-Lonnie