Author Topic: Not Being Called "Mom"  (Read 5409 times)

Annette

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Not Being Called "Mom"
« on: December 07, 2007, 02:06:56 PM »
My son Michael lived with me and always had. His brother, Trevor, lived with us until a few months before Michael's death (May 14, 2007). I am so in pain that I rarely hear the word "Mom" called out to me anymore. I have to ask Trevor to say it, as it seems he rarely does for some reason. I call him on the phone, or when I see him (weekly at least) I ask him to call me Mom. He seems to forget to use it, I never really noticed his lack of using it before Michael died. Michael used to hug me and just say, "Mom." Or, Mom-bot. Mom used the word frequently, and I always took it for granted.

Michael did use the word more. I know I still have a child on this Earth to call me Mom, but I'm just so in pain right now over not hearing it much. I can only just imagine how this pain must be for someone who's lost an only child.

Funny thing is, when they were little, I would turn my head whenever any child said, "Mom." I asked my boys to call me "Annette" when we were in public, so I would know it was them. They refused, they said I was Mom.

Ironically, sometimes one of my students will accidentally call me "Mom." It always makes me smile and they smile too. I teach young children ages K-3 (learning disabled). They get excited and want to share something with you and say, "Mom, Mom!" Then they feel a little sheepish when they realize it. I tell them it's OK, and that I take care of them at school, so I'm kind of like their Mom. I talk about both my sons to my students as if they were both still here. I can't bear to mention Michael's death to the young students. Some of the older students at school had heard about the accident and said they or their parents saw it on the news. But, I feel uncomfortable sharing the death with my own students. Sometimes they see me cry and I just say I'm sad, but I'm not sad about anything they did. I perhaps should be honest, but don't want the children to fear. I remember as a single parent, when I took my boys to see "Bambi" how worried Trevor was that I might die because Bambi's mom dies in the movie. He was 5 years old. I don't want to cause my students worry that they or their parents might die.

I took today off... called in sick.... I'm calling it mental health for myself. I'm grieving, reading on this forum, and making lists I'll probably not accomplish. I did get my bed changed, my dishes done, and my shower scrubbed...that's progress.

Love to you all,
Annette
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Karen Paul

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 02:22:58 PM »
Annette - I'm sorry you don't get called mom  - I can only imagine how it feels to not hear it enough - I know my nephew's parents miss being called mom and dad - Chris was their only child -

I remember right after chris died - my brother said to me "I'm not a dad anymore" - it just broke my heart in two - I said, "of course you are, you are Chris' dad, always and forever" - but he is no longer here to say it - and Brian hasn't heard anyone call him dad in four long years - it is so sad...

I think it is sweet that your students sometimes call you mom by mistake - that means they have a strong connection with you - I think that is lovely -

mental health days are important, especially doing this very hard work of grieving.. it takes so much energy - thinking of you and both your sweet sons today..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Annette

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2007, 02:28:40 PM »
Karen,

Thank you for your kind words. It must be so incredibly difficult for Brian to not hear "Dad." My problem is so much less than that since I do have a child who can call me "Mom." I'm so sorry about your nephew Chris. My sisters are still hurting so much over Michael too. He was the first grandchild in our family of 6 siblings. My sisters all loved to babysit him when he was little and he was always such a sweet spirit.

Of course your brother will always be a Dad. My heart goes out to him in love. I know it  hurts.

Love,
Annette
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Katie--Adam's Mom

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2007, 03:35:23 PM »
Annette,

I am so very sorry that Michael is not there to call you Mom.  It hurts so much, I know.  While my daughter still calls me Mom, my son is no longer here to call me "Mama".  I so miss that, the way he said it and just that he called me Mama at all...I miss Adam.

Taking a day off for you and your grief is good.  We need to be gentle with ourselves and not feel guilty about it.  Grief takes such a tremendous toll on us.

Keeping you and Michael in my thoughts.

Love & hugs,
Katie

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2007, 04:06:00 PM »
Boy do I understand. My only child Tammie died Sept 14, 2005 and it has left me so very alone and longing to hear that word MOM so badly.

Dottie Tammie's Mom

Annette

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2007, 04:48:07 PM »
Katie and Dottie, I'm so sorry you don't have your beautiful children to call you "Mom." I pray there is a heaven where we'll be reunited with our babies and hear them call us Mom again. I wish I could fix it for us, but there is no way I can think of to do that. I think I'll just remind myself that I'm Michael's Mom.

Love,

Michael's Mom
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Debh

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2007, 08:01:03 PM »
Chad called me momsie more than mom, occassionally I heard MOTHER lol.

I miss that, my daughters call me mom, thankful I have my daughters but never will they replace the emptiness or fill the emptiness I feel from the loss of Chad and being called momsie is such a small part of all I miss when it comes to my son.

Wish I could fix it all for us too, that wish has or never will leave me, how I wish dreams would come true,

Love
Deb

lainie

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2007, 11:59:34 AM »
I also miss hearing "Mom".  I lost my only child, my beautiful Brynn Alexandra on January 2nd, 2007.  I long to hear her say mom, so very much.
Elaine
My beautiful Brynn
Dec. 14/94 - Jan. 2/07

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: Not Being Called "Mom"
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2007, 03:35:05 PM »
I'm so deeply sorry to all of your who's only child died,,  I have no words other than it saddens me to hear that you'll never hear 'mom" or "dad" again.....
Love
Brenda