My son Michael lived with me and always had. His brother, Trevor, lived with us until a few months before Michael's death (May 14, 2007). I am so in pain that I rarely hear the word "Mom" called out to me anymore. I have to ask Trevor to say it, as it seems he rarely does for some reason. I call him on the phone, or when I see him (weekly at least) I ask him to call me Mom. He seems to forget to use it, I never really noticed his lack of using it before Michael died. Michael used to hug me and just say, "Mom." Or, Mom-bot. Mom used the word frequently, and I always took it for granted.
Michael did use the word more. I know I still have a child on this Earth to call me Mom, but I'm just so in pain right now over not hearing it much. I can only just imagine how this pain must be for someone who's lost an only child.
Funny thing is, when they were little, I would turn my head whenever any child said, "Mom." I asked my boys to call me "Annette" when we were in public, so I would know it was them. They refused, they said I was Mom.
Ironically, sometimes one of my students will accidentally call me "Mom." It always makes me smile and they smile too. I teach young children ages K-3 (learning disabled). They get excited and want to share something with you and say, "Mom, Mom!" Then they feel a little sheepish when they realize it. I tell them it's OK, and that I take care of them at school, so I'm kind of like their Mom. I talk about both my sons to my students as if they were both still here. I can't bear to mention Michael's death to the young students. Some of the older students at school had heard about the accident and said they or their parents saw it on the news. But, I feel uncomfortable sharing the death with my own students. Sometimes they see me cry and I just say I'm sad, but I'm not sad about anything they did. I perhaps should be honest, but don't want the children to fear. I remember as a single parent, when I took my boys to see "Bambi" how worried Trevor was that I might die because Bambi's mom dies in the movie. He was 5 years old. I don't want to cause my students worry that they or their parents might die.
I took today off... called in sick.... I'm calling it mental health for myself. I'm grieving, reading on this forum, and making lists I'll probably not accomplish. I did get my bed changed, my dishes done, and my shower scrubbed...that's progress.
Love to you all,
Annette
Topic: Not Being Called "Mom" (Read 6460 times)
