Love my brother

[jazzgirl]

Hey Coco, I just am wanting my Christmas holidays to be peaceful. I just heard a Wal Mart commercial that said you can never have too much family for the holidays. Well I beg to differ .  I know what you mean about feeling like your brother missed out on so many years. I feel that way too. My brother was only 32 and my heart aches to know I am going to be spending many years without him.  One thing that keeps me going is knowing that during those 32 years, he lived his life to the fullest. When he killed himself, he obviously felt like there was no way out for happiness. The more I deal with his wives, I don't blame him. They would drive me to death too. I think he was right. There wouldn't have been happiness anymore for him.  I just hate that his kids are affected by this, but honestly, he didn't have a say much with his kids anyway. I tell my parents by him looking down on them, he can be more of a father to them. Those woman can't stop him up there.

[chel]

I love my brother too.  He passed unexpectedly in May at the age of 50.  They still have not finalized his death certificate.  Had some sort of rare genetic disease.  My brother was my best friend.  We were both artists and, of course, no one understood us.  My brother was a child prodigy in pen and inks and a studio musician among other gifts.  Was a vision of health...very handsome, youthful, athlethic.   None of the doctors would sign his death certificate because they said he should not have passed. 

This reminded me of a time, perhaps 25 years ago when we had a meeting with the Dalai Lama who remarked that my brother had several "gifts" he went on to say that in Tibet/India they "lower" the energy of people like him when they are children so they do not "burn through" this life. They teach the children how to use their energy or gifts, then gradually increase them.  He remarked that my brother somehow did the same thing naturally by using his many gifts as outlets.  He also spoke of a tendency of  these people...that when they are finished with their lifes work they leave.  Die suddenly...an accident, heart failure, etc.  He was very matter of fact and on a philosophical level I think that's what happened to my brother.

On a personal level, I miss the very human heart connection that we had; however, I must admit I still feel our connection.  I think I always will.

I have spent the past 7 months "being there" for my parents.  As a parent myself I just cannot wrap my head around this type of loss, I can only imagine... 

I'm now at the point where I'm actively trying to deal with my own grief. My way is to embrace it.  I stumbled upon this site tonight and wanted to share my thoughts.

Blessings All

[Jeanneb]

Chel,

I am so very sorry the loss of your brother.  What a wonderful experience to meet the Dalai Lama and to have him speak with you.  His words are so profound.

Your brother sounds like a wonderful talented person...it is such a tragedy.  I am so glad that you found the board and hope that you will keep coming back.  It is nice that you are trying to "be there" for your parents but you can only do so much.  I say this as a sister who lost her brother and as a mother who lost her youngest son.

We each have our own journey and our own way learning how to walk this journey.  No right or wrong way just our own way. Take care of you and the rest will fall into place.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss,
Jeanne
Philip's mom
Bruce's sister

[Lonnie]

Chel: Thank you for sharing your talented and gifted brother with us. Come by any time and talk it all out, and join us on the Main Board sometime also. Hugs-Lonnie

[meemaw]

Coco,  I think I can relate a lot to what you are going through.  I am probably a lot older than you are. I lost my first brother in April of 1987 a couple of weeks before his 34  B-day. I was 10 years older than he was. Major heart attack took him.  My second brother,  the youngest one, killed himself. Put a plastic bag over his head, he was 36. I'm 13 years older than him. He had been diagnosed with a mental illness. I don't know how to spell it so I can't write it down.   In 1994 I diagnosed with breast cancer. That sure scared me.  I've been fine since.  My mother died of cancer in 1995. Then my father had cancer. Then in 2005 my husband had surgery for kidney cancer. He died in 2006, it had moved to his lungs. It takes a lot to get through it all. In time I guess you begin to think of the good things instead of bad ones.  I'm still trying to work on the husband lost.     I wish there had   been something like this when he died., I didn't have a computer then,  also MAK found this after losing her husband suddenly.                    Meemaw